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User Topic: Question about porn
PurpleBirch
Member
Member # 39170
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, May 17th (Friday)

I know this has probably been spoken of a million times, but is porn normal? I ask because I don't watch it or look at pictures. The few (literally like 3) times I've ever encountered porn, I thought it was so unrealistic, so I don't really see the appeal. Anyway. Is porn ok? How much is too much? My WH and I are not sleeping together at present, so is expecting him to stay away from porn unrealistic? I want honest answers from all corners. TIA


Me: BS (32)
Him: WH (31)
Married 3 years.
Confessed to PA April 21 2013.

DS (6), DS (18 months)

Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".

Status: Done like dinner


Posts: 277 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The frozen North, eh?
Tiredofthepain
Member
Member # 37932
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, May 17th (Friday)

If you had asked me this question even a year ago I would have said, yes, porn is normal and most(all?) men watch it. But after finding out what a porn addiction my H had and it's what escalated his SA to cheat on me with prostitutes I HATE it now.

I think if a man or woman want to watch it occasionally, either alone or together, they neither have a sex addiction and they never use it in place of their spouse, there is nothing wrong with it, but those are a lot of things to consider and it is easy for some men to objectify the women in them and then they start to want all women to look like the fake, trashy bimbos in porn. I think they lose sight of what is real and what is not. Real women do not look or act like most of them. Just like prostitutes, they are paid to act like they enjoy it.


ME-BS 48
HIM-WS 38
WS is SA, multiple visits to prostitutes.
Status: Hanging in there

I would rather be told a hurtful truth than a comforting lie.

Posts: 559 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: NC
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, May 17th (Friday)

I personally don't see the draw to it. I don't understand how watching people have sex is a turn on or seeing some woman or man naked and spread-eagle as appealing. That's just my opinion.

Part of my husband's infidelity was porn (actually, forget the "was" he still looks ) but the problem that I had was all his preachy talk about how gross it is and how he would never look at it etc...

I think the big difference is whether or not it's been discussed and if an agreement has been made between the couple as what is an acceptable amount of viewing is okay for their marriage/relationship.

If the couple agrees a few playboys/playgirls are year a fine, then that works for them that makes it okay.

If it's something that you are not comfortable with then it shouldn't be allowed at all. The same would go if your husband was uncomforable with it if you viewed porn.

Just my two cents.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day's, listed in profile)


Posts: 5375 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, May 17th (Friday)

It used to not bother me at all, but after a while it got to where WH#2 was putting on a porn flick every time we had sex. Then I found out about his LTA with an ex-GF. Now he knows I no longer want to watch it.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
wanttogoforward
Member
Member # 29912
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, May 17th (Friday)

Unfortunately, I think that is another one of those personal preferences we all have....
I do not object to it- but then we have no history of addiction or excessive porn. I think some porn watching for men is normal UNLESS it becomes excessive or replaces the intimacy in our lives! If the porn replaces their spouses in any way then it becomes a problem.

I have girlfriends who object to any porn and get very upset if their H's look at any at all... I think it is unrealistic/ naive to think they never look at it if they are healthy males without side issues (like SA). If there are addiction issues then that is a different issue and it would need to be avoided.
For the average 'normal' guy I think they do look at it on occasion- I once asked my H how often and I was told a few times a year... I think most guys are a bit more often tho- and many hide it because it upsets their wives so much.
Even men know it is is unrealistic- my H has told me that! They know they are watching fantasies- and some really lame ones at that!


Posts: 1140 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still lost
sparklingwater
Member
Member # 38792
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, May 17th (Friday)

Why is porn accepted as "normal" behavior?

Would looking in someone's bedroom window and watching them have sex be normal? Would it be normal to be watching someone masturbate? - and to be getting off watching these things? Just because you are watching on a computer screen, doesn't mean it is any less pervy.

There is also the content of the porn - very wide and varied. Old people, young people, pregnant women, group sex, bestiality ... sky is the limit. Are we really ok with this?

Society tells us porn is normal. I think this shows you what a sick society we live in.


Newly single and trying to find my feet.

There's always light at the end of the tunnel, just pray it's not a train.


Posts: 104 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Australia
idiot85
Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, May 17th (Friday)

No offence sparklingwater but with that perspective surely there should be no thrillers or horrors on TV either- I personally don't want to see someone mutiliated but- I enjoyed the Saw films... I don't want to poison my wife but, I watched Poirot.

If it's OK to watch murder, surely it's OK to watch sex?!

I watch a bit of porn- but my wife doesn't mind, if she did- I wouldn't. I'm not a SA, I've never cheated on anyone ever, I don't have any plans to look through someone's bedroom window. Watching it on a computer screen is a lot different just as watching a murder in a park is a bit different to watching CSI.

[This message edited by idiot85 at 6:54 PM, May 17th (Friday)]


BH-29 (me)
WW-28

Alea iacta est...


Posts: 555 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
cantaccept
Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, May 17th (Friday)

my h always watched a lot of porn. It always made me feel uncomfortable, I wanted to be the one that he desired.

As time went on he would choose porn over me. It broke my heart.

Now after a, that is one of my conditions. I have been made to feel insecure enough. Either I am enough or I am gone.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1095 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
BeyondBreaking
Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, May 17th (Friday)

Porn is something that has always bothered me, but guys I dated always watched it, so I just dealt with it, if that makes sense.

This is the first relationship where I can confidently say no, I am not going to accept porn anymore. If I am not enough for my fiancé, or anyone else, they can go be with someone else.

It is offensive, disgusting, and degrading to women. And men.

Each couple needs to decide for yourself. But no, it is not something that should be chosen over your feelings. If it is not okay with you, he shouldn't watch it anymore. Period.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 811 | Registered: Jan 2013
sparklingwater
Member
Member # 38792
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, May 17th (Friday)

No offense taken I85, and to each their own... but for me I will not ever be with someone again who is online addicted to sexual stuff.

I just want to challenge the notion that watching porn is "normal". To me it isn't. I respect your (and probably a vast percentage of the population's) decision to watch it but I still think it, like a lot of things in society today, are wrong, and we are desensitized to it.



Newly single and trying to find my feet.

There's always light at the end of the tunnel, just pray it's not a train.


Posts: 104 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Australia
cool2behonest
New Member
Member # 39252
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, May 17th (Friday)

Well, they say "GUYS" ARE visual, but WTf?? really, what doeS that mean? We are all visual i terms of stimuli... If they get off more by watching strangers than us, we have to ask whether they have unealistic expectations, or whether they don't fin d us stimulating anymore.. could be our size or looks or their superficiality... or lacck of pizzaze! porn can be a real downsized for a couples sex life!


cool2behonest

Posts: 11 | Registered: May 2013 | From: long island
absolut
Member
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, May 17th (Friday)

I just got the book Pornified off Amazon and I like it.

The vast majority of porn is so twisted and sick. Mixing violence and sex. It perverts the sex drive.

Personally the amount of porn I am ok with a man watching is zero. Like none. It's not something I would mince words on or compromise about either.


Posts: 227 | Registered: Dec 2012
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, May 17th (Friday)

There's porn with normal people fucking normally, there's porn with Beautiful People fairy tale fucking, there's weird porn that makes you cock your head to the side and wonder "Who the fuck pulls out their junk and rubs one out to THIS shit???" and then there's porn so strange and disturbing that it makes me quietly turn off my monitor and go craft something from wood so I can hold it up and say "I have created something useful and good, and the world no longer appears so dark."

People have a long and sordid history when it comes to taking anything and making it run the gamut from mundane to stranger than fiction. Violence is the same way. You have the Disney Prince killing a dragon, to Borderlands 2 melting a roid raging Psycho Goliath with a gun that shoots rockets that explode into grenades that are made of acid and the sound that bagpipes make (I really found a gun that does that, they really did mean it when they said a billion guns squared) and then there are torture films like Hostel that I see trailers for and think "Who the fuck wants to WATCH that?"

So, the answer to everything is: Yes.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7112 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
honesttoafault
Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, May 17th (Friday)

I agree with the posters who say if someone is using porn instead of interacting with thier spouse, there is a problem.
I also feel, porn, like drinking alcohol should be done in moderation KWIM? People can get addicted to all kinds of things. There are plenty of people who watch porn on occasion and are not SA.

For me, it didn't really bother me if WH wanted to watch porn on occasion, but it did bother me when he claimed there was something wrong with me if I didn't enjoy watching it. That's MY preference, so don't put me down or force the issue.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, May 17th (Friday)

I think porn is normal in the sense that most men and women may indulge in it here and there. I think viewing it on a regular basis is not as common and letting it interfere with your life and relationship with your spouse is unacceptable. But, bear in mind I have not had pornography touch my life the way some people on these forums have.

Would looking in someone's bedroom window and watching them have sex be normal? Would it be normal to be watching someone masturbate? - and to be getting off watching these things? Just because you are watching on a computer screen, doesn't mean it is any less pervy.

I apologize, but what you are saying does not make sense. I don't understand the correlation between your examples and porn. There is a HUGE difference between porn and what you are talking about. Namely consent. Your comparison to me is like saying have sex with someone is the same as raping someone.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 11:02 PM, May 17th (Friday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1102 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
sparklingwater
Member
Member # 38792
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, May 17th (Friday)

DI, the differences are not that marked. One of the sites (and there are many out there) that Wbf frequented, was called Chatterbate, where you freely can watch real life people, often in their own bedrooms, masturbating, having sex and doing all sorts of things on their webcams.

I understand what you mean - that these people are consenting to allowing you to watch their sexual antics, but IMO it is all pervy smut and voyeuristic.

I am no way trying to correlate it with rape (as you said).


Newly single and trying to find my feet.

There's always light at the end of the tunnel, just pray it's not a train.


Posts: 104 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Australia
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, May 18th (Saturday)

I am no way trying to correlate it with rape (as you said).

I DID NOT at ALL say you were correlating it with rape. I emphasized that with the disclaimer "your comparison to me"... What I meant is that your comparison makes as much sense as if someone was saying having sex is the same as raping someone. The reason I said that is because you are comparing a non consenting act with a consenting act and looping them all under the same umbrella.

So there are websites where people allow others to watch them have sex... sounds like your typical live cam pornography. But I would not put those in the same league as some pervert who hides a camera in a ladies restroom. JMO.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 12:46 AM, May 18th (Saturday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1102 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
sparklingwater
Member
Member # 38792
Default  Posted: 1:05 AM, May 18th (Saturday)

Ok, and I said nothing about cameras in restrooms!

What I did say, was that I understood your point about there being a difference between watching a sexual act with and without permission, but regardless of that, in both circumstances you are watching random people have sex, and that, to ME, is smutty and voyeuristic.


Newly single and trying to find my feet.

There's always light at the end of the tunnel, just pray it's not a train.


Posts: 104 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Australia
sparklingwater
Member
Member # 38792
Default  Posted: 1:10 AM, May 18th (Saturday)

We can agree to disagree
If there's anything we have learnt by our experiences with infidelity, it's compromise.


Newly single and trying to find my feet.

There's always light at the end of the tunnel, just pray it's not a train.


Posts: 104 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Australia
BeyondBreaking
Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, May 18th (Saturday)

One of my biggest irritations with porn is that when my fiancé did what he did, he turned sex into some dirty thing.

When I was seven, I was raped. I spent a great majority of my teen years having a lot of random hookups that were completely meaningless. I did that to fit in with the cool kids, I did that because I thought it was what I had to do to make boys like me, and I did that in a way, to prove to myself that sex was completely meaningless. Two random people who didn't care about each other can do it, and wake up the next morning and be fine. That made me feel better about getting raped.
Even when I was in relationships (be it, high school relationships that weren't necessarily long term), I was able to seperate the act of having sex from the emotional part of the relationship.

The first time I made love to someone was when I was engaged the first time. I call it that, because I was able to connect with him on a physical and emotinal level, and it made the sex meaningful. Emotional. Loving. Not simply about getting myself off. When he cheated on me, I again, distanced myself from the whole thing and separated sex from the rest of a relationship. I even did that with my daughter's dad. He and I were in a relationship for a few months when I got pregnant, and from then on, we tried to make it work. But we never ever did what I consider truly making love in bed.

My current fiancé is the first person I have been able to open myself up to like that since I was 19 years old.
When he did what he did, it completely cheapened what we have in bed. I feel like sex is this cheap, dirty thing that is purely physical. And I am to the point that I am no longer interested in it all.

I want to make love to him again at some point, but I am not sure how to get that back.

What I do know, is that when he watches porn, it proves to me that sex is something not meaningful to him. He doesn't even need me to satisfy him, he can look at any random chick. It makes me feel disposable and unimportant ("it's fine if you're not in the mood, I will just watch porn."). What's more, when I asked him to stop watching it and explained how it makes me feel and why it iso offensive and upsetting to me- and the he continued to watch it anyway- it became something that he completely and utterly disrespected me about and chose over me. NOT OKAY.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 811 | Registered: Jan 2013
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, May 18th (Saturday)

Porn was never an issue until it became an issue, Kwim? I wasn't against it but he wasn't a big porn watcher. Enter ow and internet on cell phones...walah!! Now we have a problem. He's addicted, he watches wherever he can get 5 min alone. I think the big red flag is, he acts like he doesn't. He talks about the sick sob's at work and the sick shit they look at....but not him. It's a secret and secrets make you sick.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..divorced slut who prefers committed men, specializing in befriending and bopping the fathers of her kids team mates
Status..%&$#@?$

Posts: 3974 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
BeyondBreaking
Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, May 18th (Saturday)

Ostrich, that is always their excuse.

My WS works in an auto shop with a bunch of guys (all guys as a matter of fact). His defense always includes telling me all about all the guys at work and the sick and twisted things they re into, or what disgusting way those men disrespected their wives in. I think it's his way of saying, "hey, compared to other guys, I am not that bad."

@@


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 811 | Registered: Jan 2013
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

Exactly BB ^^^^^^ he talks about these guys, shakes his head like they are disgusting but I swear he gets off talking about them. It's like he can discuss porn without telling on himself.

I've seen his taste for it change and heading towards more disturbing things. I think eventually they have to up the ante to get the effect they crave. Our intimacy is nada now. He can't keep an erection and I really think he'd rather j** off than be with me. It severely affected our sex lives. I am moving on, it bothers me.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..divorced slut who prefers committed men, specializing in befriending and bopping the fathers of her kids team mates
Status..%&$#@?$

Posts: 3974 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
betrayed5years
Member
Member # 37146
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

Porn is porn. OW (ICU nurse) was sending my spouse porn by email while I was in ICU, and continued for years until she offered an affair. My WS had a 4 month intense SA and then 5 year emotional A with this nurse, neighbor by then and friend. Did porn start the A no, but it was part of her pursuit and continued.
My WS grew into a group of male friends (with OW's spouse being one) that porn was passed about. Ow continued to share porn her spouse sent to her on to my WS.

After D day and discovery of all the emails....spouse said he was finished with porn. It was not a request from me, though I really did not want to see all the pics. He had even visited porn sites on his computer that our son saw.

WS soon start passing on porn with friends some after his declaration and Shit hit the fan from me as it was one of his own things he was changing....He forgot was his excuse.

Fast forward 6 months later and he has not forwarded any, am assuming he still looks at some his buddies send him....but it is one of the live changes he has made to be a better person (he says)
Porn is a personal thing...and some couples enjoy looking and sharing..the sad part of all porn is those girls/boys are someone's children. One of my WS buddies daughter was involved in the porn business to support her drug habit....and died in her parent's home of an OD .


Posts: 102 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Somewhere in USA
sladkaya
New Member
Member # 39232
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

but is porn normal?

normal for todays society, maybe, but ok? Not if it is hurting the person u say u love! I left a 31 yr marriage after living with an SA from day 1 and have unfortunately stepped into another relationship with an SA who denies and refuses to see that he has a problem. As far as he is concerned...it is my problem and what he does is normal and hurts no one. Then why hide it?
All i know, is the minute my back is turned, the porn comes on and i detest the stuff! Communication breaks down as result. I shut down, I remove myself from the relationship so that I don't get hurt. I love my guy but I don't love what he does, especially when he knows that it hurts me.
He uses the usual excuses 1) it is physically easier on him to do himself 2) it is just a stress reliever and means nothing 3) at least it isn't like he was doing a real person (therefore he doesn't consider it cheating on me!) 4) it's a guy thing, all guys do it 5) it doesn't hurt anyone
Well, it hurts me and disgusts me! It makes me want to hurt him back somehow! "you hurt me, take this and see how it feels!"
I don't know...it all makes me so very tired and sad. If men only cared and weren't so selfish at times....sorry, this is how i feel atm.

Posts: 8 | Registered: May 2013 | From: california
idiot85
Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

I'm not addicted to porn and would much rather be with my wife- I don't spend all my free time getting off on porn and I'm not constantly preoccupied with what's between my legs in general!!

My wife knows I watch it- she's watched it with me before and probably on her own!!

I don't watch anything weird or sick- not everyone who watches porn are pervs and some porn actors love it- look at James Deen- happy guy.

[This message edited by idiot85 at 6:51 PM, May 18th (Saturday)]


BH-29 (me)
WW-28

Alea iacta est...


Posts: 555 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
ButterflyWings
Member
Member # 26493
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

I have no problem with porn or with my husband watching it. The PROBLEM I do have is the deer in headlights reaction if I ask him about it. I am just curious and it makes me laugh if he thinks I'm judging him! I'm an open minded kind of woman and I have no issues whatsoever with him watching it every now and again. We occassionally will have it on when we feel we want the visual in the bedroom. For me it's an illusion. The acts are pretty much staged and if I do watch it on my own, I get a good giggle from it. I don't think there's an issue with it, but I do think it's an issue if a spouse is bothered by it and the other spouse doesn't care.


FWS: Him (38)/BS: Me (35)
DD, 9 & DS, 3
D-Day: 3.22.09 EA admitted
OW:a very sad, pathetic excuse for a woman.
Status: Forgiven
"Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy."

Posts: 118 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Massachusetts
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

This is an odd subject for me, because porn was apparently part of Perv's life-entire adulthood-but he managed to hide his addiction completely from me. Somehow, I have no idea, I never knew he looked at it!

From the time we met, he decided he wasn't going to tell me about it. I think at some point I would have been similar to the posts that speak of agreements about it and how it affects a couple. But now, 20 years later, I understand a lot about him/us that was chronically frustrating about our personal life, though that wasn't a bad thing.

Porn is something that I and counselors believe led to his SA and eventually looking outward -looking for the next "fix" and wanting to make the pictures real for his life, but he had me on the madonna / mother type of vision...but didn't choose to speak of that either. Not til OW was in the picture.

So to answer the original question, (lol at my long-winded note) I think if it can be agreed upon and not get out of hand or cause harm, than what harm really is it? In reality, there are all the comic books and fantasy writing and they don't cause harm if people don't let them...maybe a little stretch, just trying to say it's all context in some ways.


Ashland 13

The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge


Posts: 1965 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
WhatsRight
Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

wow, that was an interesting comment someone made.

My husband, too, used to talk about his ex business partner and how gross he was to watch and download and even print porn at his desk at work.

THEN I found out my husband had been looking at a lot of it.

What is that?


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1812 | Registered: Apr 2012
sladkaya
New Member
Member # 39232
Default  Posted: 1:54 AM, May 19th (Sunday)

I guess a big part of my problem comes from the fact that while I am away from home working, my guy is home doing not much else but viewing his porn. He will view it as soon as i leave for an hour or so, take a break and back at it for another hour or so. I come home and not much is done around the house. I also know for a fact that he will view porn when I am here sitting outside reading or whatnot. He checks out personals on craigslist EVERY day! I don't get the obsession!
I am always more than available to have some fun in the bedroom but now that I know of his daily porn use, i struggle with feeling comfortable with approaching him even. My thots and feelings are: why would he want to do anything with me when he has had his fill all day?
When it is a daily thing, and done within 10 minutes of me leaving the house....I call that an addiction! The feeling I get is that, like any other addiction, he can't wait for me to leave so he can have his "fix".
I might be oversensitive on this subject yet I feel the way I feel and wish he wouldn't discount my feelings.

Posts: 8 | Registered: May 2013 | From: california
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:15 AM, May 19th (Sunday)

When it is a daily thing, and done within 10 minutes of me leaving the house....I call that an addiction! The feeling I get is that, like any other addiction, he can't wait for me to leave so he can have his "fix".

This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ exactly


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..divorced slut who prefers committed men, specializing in befriending and bopping the fathers of her kids team mates
Status..%&$#@?$

Posts: 3974 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

There's a good website out there "Yourbrainonporn.com"

Anyway, just for the record, I have had 2 boyfriends that porn and strip bars did NOTHING for them. They were raised in loving, caring, homes, with good role models in their fathers and the parent's marriage was good. Not really sure if this is ALL that made them what they are. anyway, These two guys (one I dated in HS and one in my 30's), really loved cuddling, talking, more that porn, other women, etc. They were the guys who did not gawk if a pretty woman walked by our dinner table in a restaurant. It's just who they were,,,quality, sincere, and had balance in their lives.

On the other hand, XWH has always been interested in porn and the level of interest is high. Our marriage got to the point that he began to think porn is sex,, which it is not.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1713 | Registered: Jan 2012
wannabenormal
Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)

My answer doesn't count either because I've never 'gotten' porn, although it's popular as F!!!

I don't hate it, but it just doesn't appeal to me. I don't know what's a lot or 'normal'...I simply don't partake in the same way I don't care for hardcore fashion - just doesn't ring my bell.

To answer though, I think if it bothers YOU and he knows this, he (if trying to work on things) should abstain from it.


BW, divorced: 03/09


Posts: 14252 | Registered: Jun 2008
Topic Posts: 33