User Topic: Splitting medical costs for children w/ income disparity
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, May 17th (Friday)

How do you split medical costs for the children when you have an enormous income disparity? Presently it's a 50/50 split. I'm unemployed. Have not worked in over a decade. He makes $90k a year. I never made more than $30k. I'll never have the earning power he does. I am one minor disaster or large car/home repair bill from total bankruptcy.

How do you split the costs? Or at the very least, how do you split the billing at the medical provider's business office? Or can you? I'm trying to envision how this will work in the future.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, May 17th (Friday)

Splitting 50/50 under these circumstances is patently unfair, but I see so many people who do it, I wonder if there is a rule about it?

Most of my M life, I split the bills 50/50 with the X, even though he received twice as much as I did due to his disability pension. After d-day when he was feeling very guilty, I changed it to 1/3 for me and 2/3 for him. This stuck until the D, as we don't have minor kids or any shared expenses any longer.

If there's no legal reason for a 50/50 split and you can get his NPD ass to agree, I'd make it more fair in your favor. You can always revisit if you get a well-paying job.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20292 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, May 17th (Friday)

In our state we split everything by the proportion in the child support calculation. So I pay 15% and he pays 85%. At least in theory.

D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, May 17th (Friday)

In our state out of pocket medical is 50/50 unless it exceeds $5,000 in a year, then it follows the child support calculation percentage...

BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet

Posts: 1199 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, May 17th (Friday)

I pay the first $500 in a year, then after that it is split 70/30. He is supposed to pay the larger portion.

Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 9

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.

Posts: 4491 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, May 17th (Friday)

I believe it is 50/50 here regardless, but I'm not 100% sure.

“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Member # 19934
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, May 17th (Friday)

I bring the kidlet in, I pay upfront.

He is obligated to reimburse me 95%.

Send a request for reimbursement, a copy of the receipt/cancelled check.

Wait 30 days - file a violation in court.

Me & the kids are having the malignancy removed.

If I went to Hogwarts, my Patronus would be my Big Sister - GWADW

Posts: 4123 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Where I want to be, on the road to the future
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, May 17th (Friday)

Most of the medical costs I've had have been for the "child" who turned 18 several weeks before the divorce was final, which meant he didn't factor into the custody agreement at all. And the kids both stayed on their dad's insurance, at no cost to me. So I decided it wasn't a battle I needed to fight, and I've covered the medical costs and not asked for any reimbursement. However, when ex took it upon himself to pay for ds21's asthma meds the last time the prescriptions needed refilled, you sure didn't see me complaining.

Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

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Like you're less than, less than perfect

Posts: 12166 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, May 17th (Friday)

He covers the kids insurance. His insurance has a copay, we split that.

Dr's here will not bill him his half. I have to pay, and wait for him to reimburse me. I'm still waiting.

Get what you can upfront.. and remember that enforcement also costs money. So pick your court battles carefully.



I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5279 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

I pay the first $250, then it's 70/30 I think.

I have to be honest, my children's counselor gave me a form for Snap (food stamps) and Medicaid. It's based on YOUR household income. THey won't have to be on it forever, but for now I have to do it to survive. I am hoping to go back to school and get a pell grant and student loan. I will take online clases this summer (to be home) and I will use the SL $ for my house payment for 3 months. Then, I gotta find a job or some children to watch here in the fall.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 5:53 PM, May 18th (Saturday)]

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2216 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

NG, where is your CS. In my state all is 50/50, however, before that the income of both houses is equalized.

I make a good living, but he makes more. I received child support from him according to the calculation that my L and the judge agreed to making our household incomes almost equal.

I can pay for the kids, etc. Child support is auto withdrwan from his paycheck into my bank acct.

If you don't have temp orders for CS, get them. I haven't paid my L in a year because her portion is coming from his retirement withdrwal and bot attorneys are being paid from that.

I don't know if you have that. You should be able to pay for your kids from CS, which is separate from mortgage, etc.

I have the court order because my SAWH is NPD!

Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

STBX is fighting CS as well as SS. Right now he's paying a very small amount of monthly support while the divorce is in process. He had his lawyer rake me over the coals in court to prove I haven't squandered the money (thank goodness I had an intuition he would do this & printed out a report ahead of time!). The amount of monthly support he's been paying has not been enough for me and the children to live off of, but still I'm accused of wasting it. Meanwhile he sends money off to his convicted felon OW and pays for expensive trips, jewelry, hobbies & dating websites. But let me send him an invoice for medical bills for the kids? Fuck me, he won't pay. I can't get food stamps or welfare until we're fucking divorced because his income is so fucking high. I tried, I got turned down.

His lawyer mocked my desire to return to college, finish out a degree so I could have a career that pays more than minimum wage.

I have a feeling this is all going to end very, very badly for me & the children.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

Don't let his lawyer intimidate you. The courts want you to get a job. they don't want you on welfare. They won't look kindly on that.

My SO has to provide medical insurance for the kids. They split any unreimbursed expenses as a ration of their respective incomes. Whomever pays the bill gets reimbursed with in 30 days.

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
Topic Posts: 13