SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Should I be mean
stilltrying2025
Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

So, after seeing the messages to my best friend which said he would take care or her with his tongue, I'm really tempted to change my status on Facebook from married to separated. Is it too early to do that? He wants a 3 month separation but after those texts I don't want anything to do with him. Dumb......


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
LadyQ
Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

I removed my status when I realized he hadn't ever stopped contact. That way I didn't have to worry about what it was at any time. My status just doesn't exist...


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

Change it to whatever YOU want. That level of public indecency, a married man publicly telling a woman who is not his wife that he will use his tongue on her, is a clear indication of his dismissal of his marriage vows. What do YOU want to do about it?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9467 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

Don't feed the drama lama. Remove relationship status all together.

I've seen relationship status changes and the like on FB and rather than empathise with the person I think "Oh dear - attention seeker much?".

The sad clown changed his FB status days after DD and was upset that only 2 people even mentioned it.

The key is to not do anything to incite a reaction. It makes him seem important to you and does nothing for your own healing. It keeps you attached and stops you from detaching.

The best revenge is living your own life and living it well - find your happiness. By then you won't want revenge or vengeance.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5527 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
stilltrying2025
Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

How do I get rid of the relationship status? It just keeps saying the same thing! Married, single, in a relationship, etc, etc. Help!!!


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

About
Basic Information
Edit
Relationshp Status
"blank" (there's actually nothing there, click on the nothing)
Save


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9467 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

After I filed for D, I changed it to single, but then deleted the post that announced that I changed it.. But probably removing it altogether is the best idea..

Sorry you had to see those messages

Hugs..


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2063 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
hurtbs
Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

I removed my status from FB to avoid the mass notification and thus FB drama.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15306 | Registered: Jun 2006
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

When I changed it to separated there was no notification sent to anyone. No one knew. No one noticed.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9467 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
crazynot
Member
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 1:29 AM, May 19th (Sunday)

I agree in general about FB statuses... but think anything you do now to reinforce your separatedness is a good thing. Who cares what he wants? Don't work to his timetable.


Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.


Posts: 853 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
million pieces
Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, May 19th (Sunday)

When I blocked him, it automatically took him off as my husband. Evidently there was some notice about that because that was one of the million stupid things he got mad at me about (I blocked him because he told me he wasn't coming home, ever via FB ).

Yes, blocking him on FB is sooooo much worse than fucking a whore for 6months behind my back.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
Coraline
Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, May 19th (Sunday)

I don't get the attitude about Facebook relationship statuses being attention seeking behavior. Do people hide their status when they get married, so no one will accuse them of seeking attention for changing it? You see, the real problem here is that we have a cultural norm that says we aren't allowed to talk about anything "negative" and if we do, we're accusing of being drama queens or attention whores. Changing it from married to single or divorced or separated is no more attention seeking than changing it from single to married! We are allowed to talk about our lives, and we shouldn't feel ashamed of just telling the truth.

I think everyone needs to read the book Dance of Deception. It's written for women, but men could benefit from it, too. It goes into a lot of detail about how society shames women into keeping men's secrets and into keeping anything negative hidden away, to protect others from feeling discomfort. But it's not my job to keep anyone else from feeling uncomfortable because something bad happens to me. That's absurd. If something bad happens to me, I'm the one who needs protection, not everyone else (except my kids)!

All that being said, I didn't change my relationship status. However, when I'm divorce, I'm changing it, and no, I will not hide it just to prevent other people from feeling awkward or being judgmental. Why should I?


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 12