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Reconciliation
User Topic: Affair season
MystiKay
Member
Member # 36401
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, May 18th (Saturday)

Well the anniversery of DD1 is here and I think I am doing okay. I kind of look at things and think, It would have been three years out if he hadn't done anything else and things would be better. I have triggered a few times this month, the bad thing is, I haven't told him I triggered.

They have been on the way to work and I have had to calm down and go into work, and just havent' bothered to call him and let him know. By the time Lunch break comes around, I am alright and it seems pointless. I KNOW it isn't pointless, but I am so tired of thinking about it and dealing with it.


Posts: 281 | Registered: Aug 2012
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:32 AM, May 19th (Sunday)

There was a point when my BH stopped telling me about the triggers for the most part. I asked him why and he said that there was nothing I could do, that he needed to work through them himself.

The important thing is that if you feel you need to talk about it, your WS makes it safe for you to do so.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 36571 | Registered: Sep 2007
Laura28
Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 5:37 AM, May 19th (Sunday)

((((MystiKay))))

Laura


Married 32yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 60yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2738 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
girlsbird
Member
Member # 30877
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, May 19th (Sunday)

Also at 3 yrs out from the start of affair season. Just like you I keep the triggers to myself. I mean there really isn't anything he can do at this point. It is up to me to finish healing myself. Now if I see her then I will share.


D-Day 10/28/10..almost admission 7/10 Reconciled. I was the betrayed

Posts: 1203 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: arizona
MystiKay
Member
Member # 36401
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, May 19th (Sunday)

Yeah I agree. There are times, at least for me, where it is time to just stop bringing it up. The triggers aren't bad. Just a bit of tears and snotty before work.

At least there is no new hurts, and I am not sure if he even remembers this is DD1 time and i really can't see the good of bringing it up. Makes me just wonder if this is what Man is going to mean to me for next some odd years.


Posts: 281 | Registered: Aug 2012
2married2quit
Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, May 20th (Monday)

Apparently you're right, this is the season to cheat. My WW was in full on affair last year at this time. She isn't as triggered as I am.

Every day I think of what was going on during this time last year. Hurts like a MoFo :(


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1221 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
SoVerySadNow
Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, May 20th (Monday)

Saturday is the antiversary here.
It has replaced our wedding anniversary as his most recent anniversary- unfortunately I wasn't one of the two people involved that day. Also, Memorial Day marks the anniversary of the day I came home to discover he had packed and left without a word. Next up for me is the dd 1st year antiversary. He bookended the summer- charming.

It's the season for many of us for sure.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
sodamnlost
Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, May 20th (Monday)

My WH's A season is fast approaching. 2 days in July (the first and last time he slept with her, 3 days apart in July but 2 years apart), a Dday in Sept as well as another day he slept with her. UGH! October is our wedding anniversary as well as another Dday. Lies continues until March, when I thought we were mostly in R. SOOOOOOO want to be a bear and hibernate during July - March.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 750 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
MystiKay
Member
Member # 36401
Default  Posted: 12:35 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)

It is summer and hot, maybe it is all the skimpy clothing? I don't know..that was flippant. I have noticed that I am not confrontational this time around. And not with just him. WIth managers, friends others.

LOL My husband bookended the summer too. DD1 was in May, DD2 was in August. I wonder if he knows he has two more months inbetween there to fill. He better get on that or I will be able to enjoy June and July with no problems.


Posts: 281 | Registered: Aug 2012
2married2quit
Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)

This entire summer is a trigger. 1yr ago.

May - A at full steam
June - I found out, she wouldn't stop.
July - "I can't get over him".
Aug - Pain and more pain from TT
Sept - Shit hits the fan.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1221 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
keeponkeepingon
Member
Member # 32935
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)

Another one here in full A season too.

Last Saturday was our 17 year anniversary. We did go to dinner but I was not up for celebrating. The last one we spent together before DDay was 2 yrs ago. He texted her while I went to the bathroom during our anniversary dinner. Last year the day of our anniversary he met her for the last time in my favorite city in the country.

June 22 is the 2 yr antiversary of ILYBNILWY. He did approach me last year about R in June. I finally agreed in July.

July 4 weekend 2 years ago was DDay. He was with her in her town when I found out the whole truth. I was thrown under the bus for her.

Yeah, I have a hard time with summer season now.

I am so glad to see others talking about keeping triggers to themselves. I seem to be doing this a lot lately. MrKOKO has been good when I do share but what can he really do? My burden to bare now. We have our MC tonight I was actually going to bring this up to him. So glad I see others experiencing the same thing.

[This message edited by keeponkeepingon at 12:39 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)]


"I know you and you know me and I know you can see. So help me get my way back to you"

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: On the corner of Grey St at the end of the world
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)

no one else is pissed they actually HAVE triggers? Do you just say to yourself, ok, I've decided to stay in this marriage and that means I deal with the triggers myself the best I can?


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 51
4 kiddos in lower 20's

ôSlide the weight from your shoulders and move forward. You are afraid you might forget, but you never will. You will forgive and remember."


Posts: 4484 | Registered: Dec 2010
sodamnlost
Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)

Do you just say to yourself, ok, I've decided to stay in this marriage and that means I deal with the triggers myself the best I can?

Maybe I am not understanding what you said but half the time now I don't bother saying anything when I trigger, even when he asks. What's the point? He processes at the speed of a turtle so he doesn't *see* things the way I do until wayyyy after me. So, I hurt, I am annoyed, he asks, I tell him, he looks like a puppy who is confused. Yeah no thanks :-(


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 750 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
shortee126
Member
Member # 35803
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)

In tears just reading all of these posts. This is A season for us as well. This weekend a year ago he left me and our children. I just wrote my own post about the triggers.
to rachelc- I am totally pissed that my life has been turned upside down by his decisions that have affected me more than he will ever know. I am forever changed because of the choices he has made. I feel some of it is for the good but for some is for the bad as well. I think the closer it gets towards the weekend the worse it gets.
I also feel that I do both deal with the triggers on my own because there is nothing he can really do other than say he is sorry and it is something that I need to process on my own. If it gets to be too bad I do tell him that I am having a rough time and he will sit there with my and just hold me, rub my back, or hug me what ever I need. I just still wish that this had never happened to us. Although it does not hurt as bad it still hurts. There is a part of the man that I have known for 17 years that I will never know and that kills me.


BS- 35
WS-34
married 11 years together 17
DD- 5/27/12
He walked out on me and the girls 5/26/12
Recovery started 9/15/12

Hoping for Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom!!!!


Posts: 129 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: New York
Topic Posts: 14