User Topic: the boomerang relationship - passive agressiveness
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, May 19th (Sunday)

I was looking for something else entirely and came across this article I had printed out several years ago after someone posted the link here on SI. With some of the recent posts in this forum, the timing seems apropos. Here's the link

Maybe it'll help someone now as much as it helped me before.

Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect

Posts: 12124 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, May 19th (Sunday)

Very interesting!

The typical passive aggressive man has not worked through his anger and power issues with his parents so he replays them in current relationships. His anger comes out in passive way of avoidance.

Eye opening.

He may be a workaholic, a womanizer, hooked on TV, caught in addictions or self-involved hobbies.

divorced the Dooosh
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.

Posts: 3523 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, May 19th (Sunday)

For as much reading as I've done on P/A, NPD, personality disorders in general, sociopaths, etc., I am still getting new insights into my relationship with XWH. Amazing! Thanks for posting this!

Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo

Posts: 3269 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 37057
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, May 19th (Sunday)

Wow I read this and so spot on.

Posts: 287 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Uk
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 12:43 AM, May 20th (Monday)

Yup here too.

Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - my friend 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'

Posts: 762 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 1:04 AM, May 20th (Monday)

Wow, that is definitely STBX. This was spot on.

BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 824 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 2:17 AM, May 20th (Monday)

Does that mean that most of us are probably co-dependant too?

Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - my friend 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'

Posts: 762 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 3:28 AM, May 20th (Monday)

Wow!! Thank you!! Very insightful! I haven't even read the whole article yet but I am impressed so far!

Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2124 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:08 AM, May 20th (Monday)

Yes. Wow indeed.

That article describes the 'good' years in the M once the rush of new luurve faded 2 years into it.

A decade wasted. How sad. I cannot believe I lived like that for so long.

Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5444 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 4:43 AM, May 20th (Monday)

TFS, pretty much described my whole adult life so far with my xwh.

"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1285 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 30528
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, May 20th (Monday)

Holy doodle! It's like the author wrote my STBX's biography. It made me flash back a little...enough to remind me how glad I am that the POS is out of my life!!!

BS (me) : 53 Freshly divorced and so very happy. To infinity and beyond!!

Trying to understand the behaviour of some people is like trying to smell the number 9.

Posts: 580 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Canada
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, May 20th (Monday)

Yep, that's Perv to a T!

Also, he likes to not talk about things that bother him if it helps anybody...he will stew on things and keep them inside and then when he can handle no more, BAM!!! That's the PA part.

The combo of PA/NPD are stunning and I will say, beware.

One clue I have now is if a person doesn't bicker/argue...and I mean a not terrible bicker, but inserting their opinions from the beginning.

And, if you're with someone who always lets the other person have their way and says nothing, don't let this happen. I promise. It will bite back, over time, if it's a PA/NPD person.

Well, I went down the list of people in his gynormous family and my smaller one and made a list of the couples. It's terribly interestin to be able to pinpoint the NPD's and CoD's. Amazingly, everyone of the siblings is the Narc in that family...but none of them know it! They just know they can't function together and get along!

And the divorce/unmarried rates are phenomenal too.

Good post, thanks.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Posts: 2134 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, May 20th (Monday)

P.S. If more than one NPD/PA person try to make things work, I haven't found any instances in any relationship I know where they last long-term if there isn't someone willing to be a doormat. But I do know there are exceptions to every rule. And sorry for generalizing.

I also have found that the people who try to be the doormats or give in all the time eventually burst, as well. I think it can only be done for so long, like anything else?

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Posts: 2134 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, May 20th (Monday)

His script is ‘Be here for me, but don't come too close and don't burden me with your needs or expectations.'

Weeeellllll...fuck. That sums up my ten years with ex-shat.
I'm so happy that I don't have to deal with that person anymore...ok, almost don't have to deal with him anymore. At least now I can hire a lawyer to deal with his P-A ass.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4554 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 14