SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: When did I become the enemy?
Zamas
Member
Member # 38658
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, May 20th (Monday)

WH and I had reached a tentative separation agreement where we hashed out everything we could think of and put it on paper. The one thing we didn't formally write down was about the cars. He took back my car, which had a loan in his name, and reluctantly gave me a car from his car business. A beater piece of shit, but whatever. My dad had promised me a minivan in a few weeks (two months ago) so I figured I could deal with it, and told WH that I only needed it for a month. Well my dad changed his mind and I told WH that I was keeping the car indefinitely, I was entitled to one anyway and that he didnt' get to walk away from the marriage with three cars and leave me with none. Well, he cut me off financially and hasn't given me any money in two weeks. I told him that until he started paying for the kids, he didn't get to see the kids. (If they asked for or missed him I would back down immediately but until that point I'm holding my ground). Well, it's been a week and nothing. I guess he cares more about the point of pride that is this beater POS that I use to get my kids to and from school and sports than he does about seeing his children that he professes to love oh, so much.

I applied for every state program I could but there's a hold up now bc I am a permanent resident alien and they want me to have a new card, which costs $450 and takes 4-7 months to get. So I'm screwed there now.

The rent hasn't been paid since March and without these state programs I don't have a hope of paying them. My mom has put her house on the market to move into a mother daughter that my children and I will move into with her, but I can't move in with her until then.

The person I thought was going to loan me the retainer for my lawyer said he doesn't want to "get involved" and has declined. If I file, WH is going to show up to court with lawyers, the OW's family is all lawyers and I'm going to get completely screwed on everything.

My in laws have taken offense to the idea that I plan on keeping my same last name once divorced and have started sending me horrible text messages saying how OW is the true *insert last name* and that I need to stop being pathetic clinging onto a family that wants nothing to do with me anymore. I have no intention of going back to my maiden name, I will not have a different last name than my children.

I tried to call WH this morning to see if he wanted to try to talk this thing out and I got the OW's voice mail. I guess WH is busy and he forwarded his phone lines to her. Last thing I wanted to hear this morning, ugh.

I just don't get how I became the enemy, I just needed a car to drive my kids around. I'm entitled to one, it's not an unreasonable request. But I guess it warrants being completely financially cut off.

Sorry for the woe is me, feeling sorry for myself post. I'm just feeling so beaten down today, and the rainy Monday isn't helping.


Me- SAHM 30yo BS
Him- 32yo WS
Three kids, 9, 7, 10mo

Their baby was born in Sept and they are happily househunting. He finally left 4/03.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: New Jersey
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, May 20th (Monday)

I think this is pretty typical. My exwh did everything he could to make my life miserable and to blame me for every wrong in his life. Thankfully, I don't have to deal with him anymore and haven't for a few years now. I hope you finally get some peace soon and don't have to deal with that asswipe anymore.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13696 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Zamas
Member
Member # 38658
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, May 20th (Monday)

I know, it's nothing new or original. I just don't fucking get it though! Why is he trying to ruin my life? I let him go, he's off with her, I don't stalk, follow, harass, or even inquire about his life with her. I let him have the kids, even around HER. They effing love her btw. I don't make anything hard on him, I just want the cash he agreed to give. And I'm the fucking bad guy.


Me- SAHM 30yo BS
Him- 32yo WS
Three kids, 9, 7, 10mo

Their baby was born in Sept and they are happily househunting. He finally left 4/03.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: New Jersey
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, May 20th (Monday)

It sucks. But honestly, it's a page right out of the cheaters' handbook. We are always the bad guy. And they will tilt windmills at us all fucking day long if it gets them an iota of sympathy from who-the-fuck-ever.

Here's the thing: you have to find some way to get the paperwork filed and get an order of support. I don't care who that fucker knows and shows up in court with for a lawyer...let him bring the easter fucking bunny...it's not going to change the amount of CS he is ordered to pay. Focus on that...there must be legal aide or maybe some one on this forum from NJ that can point you in the right direction.

(((((Zamas))))))

[This message edited by tesla at 7:52 PM, May 20th (Monday)]


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4605 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, May 20th (Monday)

Fyi, if you are an LPR, then to get your status someone had to sign a form promising the US federal government to support you financially. Likely your husband did, and then if his income wasn't sufficient at the time, someone else did too.

But, while rarely enforced b/c most people don't think to, those financial agreements are real. If your husband signed one, guess what, you can enforce it.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3043 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
wontdefineme
Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, May 20th (Monday)

Heck, for 450 for another green card, you need to find 150 more and become a citizen.

Posts: 2157 | Registered: Mar 2011
Topic Posts: 6