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User Topic: Question for teachers -asked out by parent of former student?
notmeanymore
Member
Member # 9772
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)

First caveat - I'm not really interested in dating at the moment. This is more theoretical for the time being.

I always kind of had a mild crush on my son's 4-5 grade teacher (son is now in middle school). I'm wondering how creepy and/or inappropriate it would be for me to maybe ask this guy out at some time?

I'm not even sure how I'd go about doing so without feeling like an idiot.

ETA: I'd be interested in anyone's opinions here! I just specified teachers as I'm curious how it'd feel to be on the receiving end.

[This message edited by notmeanymore at 12:08 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)]


"Put the cuckoo back in the clock baby" - Four Brothers

Posts: 873 | Registered: Feb 2006
tabitha95
Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)

I would really explore how it will affect your son. Middle School is still young and a confusing time.

I tend to be against it because this is something that I've dealt with on the other side. EX dated DS10's 1st grade teacher right after S. Thankfully, DS never found out.

Of course they tried to hide it, but I found out. Then she acts all weird, saying, well I'm not his teacher NOW. They why were you hiding it?

My argument was that with the S & D, school was DS10's safety zone. He was well liked by students and staff. He may be shuttled from home to home, but school remained the same.

His dad getting in a relationship makes him a target. And the way his dad was jumping around to MOW and telling me he loved me, etc... I didn't see this relationship lasting.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3250 | Registered: Dec 2008
notmeanymore
Member
Member # 9772
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)

Hmmm. He doesn't attend the school the teacher teaches at anymore so I didn't think it would be an issue for my son. Not that it would be something my son would know about right away, if ever, anyways.

But I appreciate the points you brought up Tabitha


"Put the cuckoo back in the clock baby" - Four Brothers

Posts: 873 | Registered: Feb 2006
tabitha95
Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)

But the teacher was in a care-giver situation with your son and was the teacher of your son's friends. It may be a weird relationship for him.

That is what I was trying to suggest when I said to think of how it will affect your son.

His teacher was with him around 6 hours a day for about 180 days. Your son has a relationship with this teacher outside of his life with you.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3250 | Registered: Dec 2008
notmeanymore
Member
Member # 9772
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)

Agreed. It could be weird for him.

I don't think it much matters because I can't really see me ever doing anything about it.


"Put the cuckoo back in the clock baby" - Four Brothers

Posts: 873 | Registered: Feb 2006
tabitha95
Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)

I can't really see me ever doing anything about it.

I don't have a lot of "sources" for dating. I just got out of relationship, so I'm not in the market. But I do wonder where will I meet someone? I work for a small company and we aren't open to the public, we have very little outside contacts.

My social life tends to involve my kids.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3250 | Registered: Dec 2008
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)

I work with a teacher who married the dad of a former student. She said it was pretty weird at first, but he was such a nice guy it ended up feeling right!


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3618 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)

I don't think I would, although I suppose I don't have a steadfast boundary like I would if the student still attended the school.

Posts: 1756 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)

I think your feeling that it could go either way is right on the nose. Some teachers would not be bothered, others would. As for your son, it would probably depend on how he feels/felt about the teacher. He could get really attached if he liked him, or upset if he didn't.

Maybe leave it to fate, if you ever run into him in a non school setting and your son isn't present you can flirt a little and see how it goes.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3474 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
ruinedandbroken
Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)

If your son is not in that school anymore I don't see anything wrong with it personally.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)

If your son is not in that school anymore I don't see anything wrong with it personally.

I agree with this, since you say your son wouldn't even know about it unless it got to a serious stage. At which point, you would need to be very sensitive to your son's feelings for a million reasons, including the fact that his teacher is the new man in your life. Assuming your son is well-adjusted, I think this is doable.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5298 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Bobbi_sue
Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 4:15 AM, May 22nd (Wednesday)

I see nothing wrong with it if you are sure the teacher is single. He might say no, and that is a risk you take with anyone.

Sure it might seem weird to the kid at first (if it worked into a relationship) but there are a lot of things in life that seem weird and I don't see that as damaging to a child and he or she would adjust and get over the weirdness.


Posts: 5764 | Registered: Apr 2006
Hope24
Member
Member # 9344
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, May 22nd (Wednesday)

My kids are 12 and 13 and while I am sure they would be weirded out by it, I don''t think it would be traumatizing or anything. Like you, I shield them from my dating life. With the craziness of their dad''s relationship with the OW (it was very volatile), it was important to me to be their safe place.

That said, your dating life is your business. They shouldn''t be involved until it eventually becomes a serious relationship. That would be a long way off.


She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.

Posts: 7605 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Poolside
bluelady
Member
Member # 11061
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, May 22nd (Wednesday)

I'm a teacher and I don't think that I would date the parent of a former student, but that's mainly because I like to keep my work life and my private life very separate and that would be too close for comfort for me.

In terms of appropriateness, I don't see anything wrong with your situation. He is no longer your child's teacher and, even better, your child doesn't go to that school anymore, so no one could say that there is anything untoward going on.

My concern would be around your son. Kids, especially younger ones, get REALLY freaked out when they see teachers outside of school. Kids who are perfectly normal around me in school act really strange when they see me out and about in town. I had one kid run into me in a book store and he had no idea how to have a conversation with me. We spoke for a minute or two and then I continued to browse - and he continued to follow me. He had no idea how to end the conversation. I finally had to tell him that our conversation was over and that he had to go find his mom. SO...my concern would be your son's feelings around finding out that his mom was dating his teacher. I think you would have to tread lightly, there.


Me (BS): 35

Divorced


Posts: 1461 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: a little bit of everywhere
Topic Posts: 14