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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Oh crap!
stilltrying2025
Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)

I just realized something. This is Memorial Day Weekend! That means a 4 day weekend! WTF am I supposed to do all weekend long?!?!?! I don't have a lot of friends and the friends I thought I had have shown their true colors so I don't have them anymore. I don't have my best friend anymore, my WH!!! I can't sit in this apartment all fricken weekend....alone! I can't go anywhere because I don't want to run into WH because he'll probably be hitting on women or something stupid or he'll be with my supposed "friend". I thought I was better today but I guess not....

Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing. Maybe I should have just let him have his EA and do whatever. At least I would be in my home, I would have someone to do stuff with and I wouldn't be alone.

God, I'm pathetic.....


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
NoraLee
Member
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)

Oh still! You're not pathetic, and I know this is hard!

What about your daughter? Plan a nice picnic luncheon and take a little hike in the woods somewhere. Do you have any family, siblings or cousins you can use the long weekend to reconnect with?

FWIW - I think you're doing the right thing. The misery of knowingly living alongside an active affair is far worse than a long weekend alone. Find a good book, hit the library with a Caramel macchiato (with extra Caramel of course!)

(((stilltrying)))


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)

I don't think you're pathetic...you're in the same new situation that I am.

I was actually afraid of it at first, but am getting better. A book is a great idea. I started going for drives and stopping to get a sandwich when it was a meal-then I'm not alone at home and it split the day up. Or I walk at the mall or rent a movie.

Sometimes weekends are hard also, because in my mind, everyone else is out living, while I'm still in purgatory of trying to jump start some kind of new life. Without a dime.

I also do letterboxing and geo caching with or without DD and it breaks up a day. I bring a snack or get a sandwich and sometimes see a new place. And I make a list of areas and it becomes a goal. There's another one that I forget the name where it's done with hiking, also.

I find hobbies don't work for me because I can't concentrate.

Also, I joined a yoga class and am now recognized at it, so people nod or chat at me and it's totally unrelated and gets me out. It's truly "just for me."

The other thing that is cathartic is my piano.

I wish you luck ST and there's always SI, a hammock and old sitcoms for inside!!!


Ashland 13

The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge


Posts: 1955 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
stronggirl72
Member
Member # 37293
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)

First off, you are absolutely NOT pathetic! Now, repeat that out loud.

I find that one of the worst things about this whole situation is having the courage to be comfortable with ME. Once I started embracing this (and my uncomfortable apartment), I realized that I had a lot of self-searching to accomplish, and gosh is that scary! I know, it's better said than done, but start small by going to the book store, treat yourself to a coffee, or rent a ton of movies (new discoveries or old favorites) that you know you'll enjoy. Is there something that makes you happy or anything that you've been wanting to do?

This is a daunting journey that takes time, but you'll find that it'll be SO worth it.

(((ST2025)))


"Taking the high road, and doing it with class."

DIVORCED!!


Posts: 137 | Registered: Oct 2012
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)

Go somewhere away from your town so you don't run into WH. Can you go stay with a friend? Visit family out of town?

It's okay to go to a movie alone or out to dinner to break up the time. Do your grocery shopping on another day. Go to a park and take a nice long walk. Bike ride. Sometimes I would just go sit by the lake and read just to get out of the house.

The big thing is not to let what your WH is doing control your life. Go out and do what you want, as if he wasn't around at all.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4656 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Jayne Doe
Member
Member # 32664
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)

Holidays are the worst!!

The first New Years Eve after we separated, I spent it alone with my special needs daughter... and I had an epiphany that nite.

I would rather spend New Years Eve alone than spend it with someone that is lying to me!
He used to call her right after he'd kiss me at midnite.


Rent some movies, go for a walk - start a hobby. Anything is better than being lied to. You deserve so much more!!!


Everyday is a blank canvas, and only you hold the brush.
30y M traded in for a POM (pathetic Old Maid 46, 2 kids from different dads. never married)
S 11/11, D final 1/14.

Posts: 1454 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Suburbia, Arizona
FeelingSoMuch
Member
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)

Don't think about him. Don't think about him. Easy to say, hard to do. Think about yourself.

Look for things to do that will force you to interact with others, no matter how hard. Seriously, push yourself. Please stay strong and look to do one thing each day that will make you stronger, even if it's just a little bit stronger.

Interacting with others helps tremendously.


Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
The hard part: They still work together.

Posts: 465 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)

You're not pathetic. Just hurting and getting used to a lot of changes all at once.

Being alone isn't so bad, at least you can trust yourself to be honest with yourself.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4002 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Strongmama
Member
Member # 33062
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)

You are not pathetic! Repeat this!
The person who cheated on you is pathetic! You're great!
I tell myself this a lot too. On the weekends it has my babies I find myself alone a lot; and you know what looking back at our marriage of lies I was always alone then too. I was alone with three kids with no help and then when it was home it was all about him and I was exhausted.
Read a book; go get a mani/pedi; new hair do; walk; go for a long drive; a movie; or dinner. I call them dates by myself now:). It took a little time, but I love my alone time now. After doing nothing but taking care of kids and putting up with his BS it's refreshing. I hope you will let yourself enjoy this weekend. It's okay to be alone. Refreshing even. Yes sometimes it gets a little boring, but that's what Food Network is for!
(((Hugs!))) be good to you! You're great and not pathetic in the least!

Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2011
AussieMum
Member
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)

HE is the pathetic one, not you!

(((stilltrying2025)))

I know just how you are feeling, the days are very long if you just stay at home on your own.

Get out in the fresh air and go for a long walk, that really does help me. If you're at home, put on some music that you love and get stuck into some jobs that need doing, even just tidying out a closet.

Hire out a funny movie or watch a box set of your favorite show. Enjoy not having to deal with his crap anymore!!

It will get easier, I promise.


Me 46
STBXH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS11 & DD7)
Separated Jan 13. He's now living with OW3.

Posts: 179 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
stilltrying2025
Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)

These are really all good suggestions but here's the issue: I'm on a very fixed income, gas prices are $4.19 a gallon, and my daughter will be gone until next Friday! I'm all alone. Right this minute, if I saw my WH, I'd kick him in the nuts and tell him to F off. But, tomorrow will be a different day; who knows how I will feel.

All I want is to hate him. Why can't that happen??? I just want to hate him and hate him and hate him! He has ruined my life! Why should I love someone who does this shit to me?

I am pathetic and I know it....I should not let this man affect me the way he does. Some days I think death would be easier....


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
scotslass
Member
Member # 39204
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)

(((((still))))))

I can only say I have been in your shoes and it does get better.

Reading a book is a wonderful idea. I started planting a garden to just help me get through it.

Not sure if your a member of a church but if you are you could reach out to them and see if they have any events/ministries that you could help out with.

I did that and just helping others really put my problems into perspective.

Also, too - there is always SI

Be strong - you will make it!


3 wonderful children (sometimes!!)
18 ds
16 dd
14 ds
Me. - moving on and upward !!!

Posts: 102 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Texas
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 4:09 AM, May 23rd (Thursday)

(((ST))))

My ass goblin ex had me served 3 years ago, during the holiday, which was also my 40th. Actual bd was a Sunday, the MF couldn't have me served on my actual BD, or I'm sure he would. Worse than that, my BFF told me that she was moving 1500 miles away. I wanted to tear my heart out & die.

I got thru it, and I know that you can too. You got some decent suggestions here. Walks around the neighborhood, mani/pedi, read a good book, cook a nice meal for yourself.

You did the right thing. Do you really want to accept crap behaviour? There is no reason to put up w/a WS. A long, slow agonizing death is still better than knowing that your spouse is cheating on you.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd; free of the overgrown baby
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 625 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
stilltrying2025
Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, May 23rd (Thursday)

Thank you everyone; I was in a really bad place yesterday. It's early but right now I'm okay.....I don't know what will happen later. At least it's nice out today so I can go for a walk and cool off.

I talked to a friend last evening and I'm going to go out with her on Saturday! YAY!!! At least I don't have to be alone the entire weekend. She's in the same shoes as me; her husband has had numerous A's and actually moved out for a couple of months and lived with the OW. He is now overseas with the Navy and she keeps finding out more things. So, I have someone who is on "common ground" with me.

I see my IC tomorrow morning so that will help too; I always feel better after talking to her and I don't know why. Maybe it's just because I can get everything off my chest.

We'll see how today goes. One day at a time I guess. I'm doing my best to keep strong but it's tough.


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
SusanR
Member
Member # 29368
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, May 23rd (Thursday)

i plan on doing a lot of gardening. Dirt therapy for me. i may even lace up the running shoes and stretch my legs!

Posts: 1922 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 15