User Topic: Did they use protection?
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, May 24th (Friday)

Did you even ask? Does it really even matter? Were they drunk? Was it planned? I don't know which is worse...I guess it all is.
I mean the diseases they could have given us...It boggels my mind!

Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Member # 39181
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, May 24th (Friday)

Not usually. He had some form of unprotected with all of them.

I feel very thankful that I tested negative for everything

Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
Member # 23547
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, May 24th (Friday)

I understand. I worried about the same thing. It is mind boggling. I was a single mom to a small child when he met me. He put me at was just super selfish behavior.

FBS, been through the D marathon too.
Many D Days in April 2009
Multiple affairs, LTAs, and many OWs
Reconciled... There is hope! :)

Posts: 522 | Registered: Apr 2009
Member # 36983
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, May 24th (Friday)

No, mine never used any. I've been tested. I have no idea how I came back ok. My IC can't believe it. He has a friend that had 3 affairs in 10yrs and gave his BW an STD each time. How in the hell I made it out ok without an STD while my partner was having so much unprotected sex with so many needle using junky bar hopping whores.....NO IDEA! I'm one lucky woman.

"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails" (Elizabeth Edwards).
Forever Conditionally Detached

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
Member # 38650
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, May 24th (Friday)

I did ask but since I couldn't believe anything he said, his answer didn't matter. I went and got tested for everything. No protection just adds a whole other level of yuck to this already disgusting situation.

Posts: 242 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, May 24th (Friday)

No, they never used protection. WXH "doesn't like condoms".

He claimed OW couldn't have given him any diseases because she had only ever had sex with one other person before him (she was only 18).

The stupidity knows no bounds. I made him get tested for everything and show me the results, ON PAPER. Later, I made sure I got tested for everything, too. I was pregnant at the time of the A and I would have probably had to kill him if he had passed ANYTHING on to my baby.

3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know."
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2515 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, May 24th (Friday)

My fWW still claims they always used protection. The STD she gave me indicates otherwise.

Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.

Posts: 5651 | Registered: Aug 2007
Member # 39181
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, May 24th (Friday)

Yeah, if he gave me anything i don't think i could reconcile after that. Our unborn child would be dealing with the consequences of his actions

Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, May 24th (Friday)

Nope, not once did they use protection.
I don't think it EVER occurred to either of those two boneheads that they could possibly transmit an STD. I remember when I told the ex I was going to get tested for STDs, he looked at me like "now why would you go and do that?"

me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."

Posts: 2589 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, May 24th (Friday)

I absolutely did ask because the potential for STD's and just in case my WW got pregnant.
Even if they did use protection I would still get tested for STD's because you just can't trust that your wayward is telling you the truth. Not to mention the lack of judgement and rationalization when it comes to A's is very very risky.

As an example, I asked my WW if she and OM used protection during the multiple rendezvous' they had. She said no because he had a vasectomy and he got tested a few years before and it was negative. She was OK with that even after finding out her OM had been cheating on my WW with another OW. The thrill is more important to them at the time then the consequences. Protect yourself.

Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 36983
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, May 24th (Friday)

Mine has a vasectomy, so he didn't see the problem, as he couldn't cause us any problems by getting an OW pregnant, and they weren't girls I knew, I wouldn't find out, so I wouldn't be hurt.

He NEVER considered he could've taken my life with his actions. To this day, the realization of that is something he can't really deal with. When he goes deep into his depression of the man he's been, that's definitely a factor.

"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails" (Elizabeth Edwards).
Forever Conditionally Detached

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, May 24th (Friday)

Nope no protection. And the worst part about it was we had been using condoms for months and they were in a drawer about 30 feet away from them.

Why ruin a fantasy with reality?

BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2584 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 37309
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, May 24th (Friday)

My WW told me initially that they used protection. Then later she let it slip that she and the OM had "broken up" because he didn't want her to get pregnant. I said, "I thought you used condoms" and she said, "Not every time". That was some trickle truth that sent me over the edge. It was like DDay again. It was bad enough that another guy got to have sex with my wife, but he also got to have unprotected sex with her... it just gets worse and worse.

BH me, 32; WW her, 30; Daughter, 3 yrs old
Married 4 yrs; Together 9 yrs; Reconciling (Not Going Well)
D-Day 09/30/12; PA

Posts: 65 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Ontario, Canada
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, May 24th (Friday)

Nope. That's how my wife got pregnant by him. Luckily no STD's were transmitted, especially since she knew he was cheating on his wife with other women.

My wife is normally a very intelligent woman, so this still boggles my mind.

Posts: 7090 | Registered: Dec 2010
Member # 37765
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, May 24th (Friday)

How many waywards use protection? I really think that number has to be close to zero. Mine knew he was going to meet his AP at an empty apartment at night, he had every intention of sex, yet no thought of condoms. His AP's words of comfort to him, "you don't have to worry about getting me pregnant, I had my tubes tied."

My WH's justification for not being worried about passing an STD on to me is that they only had oral sex.

The selfishness is beyond comprehension.

Taking it one day at a time.

Posts: 457 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, May 24th (Friday)

Never. She was on the pill and had only ever had sex with one other person (OW and her ex-fiancée were virgins when they met).

So, this 31 year old chaste, inexperienced woman is desperate to have sex with her married coworker and strips naked without ever going on a date or even making out first?

WH is absolutely sure that she couldn't possibly be lying about her sexual history

I have the doctor's appointment scheduled. It really bothers me that WH thinks it's uneccesary.

Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, May 24th (Friday)


Who uses protection for blowjobs!..????

..she didn't...ever!


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf

Posts: 4124 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, May 24th (Friday)

Doesn't matter. There is no such thing as safe sex outside of a monogamous relationship. My wife was adamant that they used protection every single time. I asked her if he had a condom on his dick when she sucked and she said no. So I told her to Google image search on oral STD's and look at the pictures. Besides, condoms apparently don't prevent the transmission of MRSA, which is what I got out of my wife's A. What kills me is she still would have been fucking him even though he gave her that nasty shit if I hadn't caught their affair. I always swore I'd give my right nut for her, but I always kinda meant that figuratively. I almost literally did.

Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, May 24th (Friday)

Of course not!! After all, they were certain that their spouses weren't cheating so they were 1000% positive that there was no risk.

Never mind the fact that both of them had screwed other online cheats. I guess that part didn't count.

The rationalizations are simply mind-boggling.

BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1031 | Registered: Mar 2012
Member # 37740
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, May 24th (Friday)

They never used protection.
She'd had her tubes tied for medical reasons and he was maaried and wasn't screwing anyone else.

BH - 64
fWW - 60

"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife

Posts: 466 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 39181
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, May 24th (Friday)

So many waywards on here didn't use protection, it really drives the point home that the A was in a complete fantasy world for them

Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, May 24th (Friday)

He never brought protection, but if the OW happened to have one and SHE slipped it on, then he would use it. Never mind the fact that mutual oral was the MO for him, so while the OW's were protected from his germs, he was not protected from theirs at all. This would probably by why he gave me Herpes and didn't even think anything about it.

DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, May 24th (Friday)

Oh Hell no..of course not. Because giving a stranger from CL a BJ(to completion) is perfectly safe..didn't you know that?? Oh..and so what if he came home and kissed me with that mouth..and had sex with me for HOURS(as per our usual Saturday night routine)the very next night.

It's need to freak out..jeeessshhhh..

(Please not that this entire post is dripping in sarcasm)

FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7419 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 38464
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, May 24th (Friday)

No he didn't. Cause he has a vasectomy and that makes it safe! Barf! She was a MOW what was the risk right? Boy was he suprised when I told him about the other dude she was sleeping with at the same time...not her BH either. As for either. Quickies is what they had..dropped her panties and bent on over...she soeant sound like a risk does she?

Posts: 121 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: oregon
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, May 24th (Friday)

They started out using condoms, but I have no idea how long that lasted--not long, I'm sure. He could just tell that she was ok. Sigh.

Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1299 | Registered: Aug 2010
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, May 24th (Friday)

2 women - what protection could they possibly need?

W tested positive for HPV in her last 2 annual tests. We were monogamous for 44 years before the A. HPV has in fact put a damper on our activity....

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10083 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, May 24th (Friday)

My fWW still claims they always used protection. The STD she gave me indicates otherwise.

My WW claimed protection at first, then admitted to one incident without protection, then finally admitted a couple of weeks ago that unprotected sex was the norm.

Illicit affairs and good sense do not go hand-in-hand. It's the ultimate in selfish behavior. The truth is, I didn't matter when she was in that mode.

Me (BS)-45, WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, 4 children

Posts: 1387 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 32935
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, May 24th (Friday)

Why ruin a fantasy with reality?

This pretty much sums it up.

MrKOKO told me that they used protection in the beginning. He said that they used the ones provided in the hotel the first time when "it just happened." He swears that they always used protection while he was still with me before our separation. They stopped using it only after we separated. I still don't totally believe that.

"I know you and you know me and I know you can see. So help me get my way back to you"

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: On the corner of Grey St at the end of the world
Member # 38288
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, May 24th (Friday)

No and Yes. My WH said he used condoms ( the wonderful Japanese type that feel like nothing and where he took me to the sex shop where he bought them, no regular condoms for him, nope). Just ranting. But no didn't use for oral sex and they were prostitutes. Had him get tested for everything.

BW 55, WH 64
2 years of prostitutes.

Posts: 281 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: California
Member # 16652
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, May 24th (Friday)

No. His OW wasn't "that kind of woman"

It's not really a fairy tale 'till the witch is deposed and a few dragons are slain

Posts: 1768 | Registered: Oct 2007
New Member
Member # 39298
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, May 24th (Friday)

Nope. And it didn't cross his mind about pregnancy and disease until after. Brilliant!!

Me- Betrayed - married 16 years
Him- 2 week affair with someone at work
9 kids
Trying to R

Posts: 35 | Registered: May 2013 | From: confusedsad
Member # 37274
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, May 24th (Friday)

No...wh doesn't like condoms. The other bs told me well my wife said they started out using condoms I told him that I was 100% sure that was crap and when I asked wh about it he confirmed that no condoms were ever used.

My favorite quote from wh still to this day came when I pointed out that there is a good chance mow was sleeping with om 2 at the same time as wh...his response was a completely serious "she wouldn't do that to me! She promised to tell me if they started sleeping together." WHAT??! Why don't you ask her husband what she's capable of doing...she promised him in her wedding vows she wouldn't sleep with anyone else EVER how'd that work out for her bs??? Dumb @ss

[This message edited by Angel177 at 12:08 PM, May 24th (Friday)]

D-Day Sept. 14/12...R started Dec. 3/12
Together-10 years Married-5 years
Son-13 months (died July 2, 2014)
Baby #3 due Feb. 2015
4 month EA and 4 month EA/PA in 2012 with my "friend"

Posts: 245 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 34875
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, May 24th (Friday)

Yes, I did ask; they did not use protection , nor were they drunk and it was planned....every time.

married 21 yr

Posts: 175 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, May 24th (Friday)

I asked. Nope he didn't- and he was SOBER. And yup, he brought me an STI.

D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Member # 27871
Concerned  Posted: 2:05 PM, May 24th (Friday)

He said they used protection every time they had intercourse. Not during oral.
I don't believe that statement at all. I got tested 2 weeks after I found out. I made him get tested also.

Me:53 BS
Him:53 FWH Trying to make me a believer?
Years married:35
:03-01-10: The day I learned the truth
Kids:Daughters 4 all grown and married.
Reconciliation is hard.
Really freakin' hard.

Posts: 762 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: The Great State of Texas
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, May 24th (Friday)

No. His OW wasn't "that kind of woman

Ya... why would you need condoms when you were sleeping with your "fiance"

I had a full screening, and apparently so did she not long ago, so at least that didn't happen.

ME - BS 49, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 470 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, May 24th (Friday)

Nope. I was terrified after my STD tests until I heard the results. He met the AP on Ashley Madison, so that speaks to her character (and his). I was very, very lucky. As it was, I had yeast infections while he was having sex with both of us, and I was convinced that I had Type II diabetes or something equally bad that had compromised my immune system. The last thing that I would have considered was that my spouse of 13 years was sleeping with another woman and, on top of that, not using a condom.

BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3604 | Registered: Oct 2011
New Member
Member # 38671
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, May 24th (Friday)

I asked him twice. The first time he told me that he always did...the second time he told me that they didn't the first time, it wasn't planned.

He used them for birth control mostly because he did not want to get her pregnant. I had also found he had been searching "vasecotmy" on the internet towards the end of the A. He would have only needed it for her since I had a partial hysterectomy about 10 years ago!

BS - 44
WH - 46
Married 13 years together 16 years
D-Day 23/01/13
Working on it...

Posts: 36 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, May 24th (Friday)

Literally the FIRST question I asked when he admitted to a physical affair was "Did you use a condom?"

The answer.."No." But he did say that her tubes were tied. Yeah...a baby is the only possible consequence of unprotected sex. Idiot.

But my *special* fella has also said that condoms are "for other people" and that he won't ever use them because they aren't for him.

I'm just happy that when he catches something that makes him feel like he's peeing acid (or much worse), it will have absolutely no significance in my life!

Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, May 24th (Friday)

Does it really even matter?

Yeah, it matters, for logistics. We are almost 6 years out, and FWH is still paying for his decision to not use condoms (OW told me "I don't like the way they feel inside my body!", I have never wanted to vomit so badly).

FWH now has an OC he never sees for his decision NOT to use protection, so yes, I would say it matters a lot.

BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
OC born 3/08
OC Adopted 2014


Posts: 2269 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Member # 37776
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, May 24th (Friday)

Well my WH's cheating was BJ's x 2 from a stripper/hooker the 1st time & next time a flat-out streetwalker:-(. He claims he never thought about protection because pregnancy wasn't a concern & oral sex was "safe". He was tipsy the first time & stone-cold sober for round two, his wayward incidents were YEARS apart and he confessed to both of them on Dday. When I insisted we both go for full panel STD testing, he thought it was unnecessary.Thankfully, our tests were normal & we are both in IC/MC and giving R our best shot:) Oral sex with WH is very much a work in progress, sorry if TMI, but need to re-claim that part of our intimate lives if we are ever going to be fully and totally R'd. Jamie

BS early 50's Wh also early 50's. I am Jamie, Mom to 3 great teens/young adults. My WH and I have been together more than half of our lives and married 25+. We are in MC & going to give R our best shot, hoping and praying for a better 2013!

Posts: 112 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: USA
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, May 24th (Friday)

He did and it broke, then he went crying to his mother about it because he was afraid he got OW pregnant.

Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 638 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Member # 38399
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, May 24th (Friday)

Dumbass says he always used condoms for sex but never for oral. He swears that he made sure the whores he fucked were clean I told him that condoms are not 100% effective to prevent STDS and he looked at me like I was nuts. Dumbass

Me BS: 42
WH: 44
DDay- April 17, 2013
Married 22 years
3 children: 18, 15 & 9

Posts: 138 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: 1devastedmom
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, May 24th (Friday)

No, and she had a baby between the times that they weren't seeing each other.

I question if it's his kid.

BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3250 | Registered: Dec 2008
Member # 35603
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)

She claimed they did. When I got tested positive for HPV she remembered the condom broke...on a few occasions

Posts: 127 | Registered: May 2012
Member # 37756
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)

He took our condoms to use with ow2 but lied to me initially and said she supplied the condoms. Which made me freak out because she was trying to get pregnant. So he tortured me with the whole condom thing for a couple of weeks before finding out he only used them once. Then I found out there was an OW1. She had a birth control implant so he felt totally safe without protection. Never mind the fact that her nickname at work is "cum dumpster".


And I was pregnant when he had sex with ow2 and he kept right on having sex with me and exposing our son to god only knows what.

Now I want to punch something. Wtf?? Ugh...

Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be. -- Sonia Ricotti

Posts: 563 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 36813
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)

The first few times he said they did then she wanted to not use condoms so he told her he needed her to get an std test. So she did! They didn't use them after she came all clear. But he actually trusted that this drunken whore wasn't screwing anyone else but she said she would tell him if she did Also the last hook up they did because her H was him from deployment. I made him get tested, and I did as well because I was pregnant during the entire A

Posts: 264 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)

No.Never. Not once. "She's not like that", is what he said at the time.

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6442 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)

Nope, no protection. He had a vasectomy 3 years ago so he knew he couldn't get her pregnant. He also figured a women with 4 children (one was only 4 months old stuff the time of the affair)

They weren't drunk, and it was planned well in advance.

Makes me ill to think about it.

Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 465 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 36796
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)

Who uses protection for blowjobs!..????

..she didn't...ever!

My fWW claims she did. Not sure if I really believe her though.

D-Day 1: Feb 1990 (2 yrs into M, kissing and a hickey)
D-Day 2: 3 Sep 2012 (3 month EA/3 week PA)
BS 49- Me, fWW 43- Her (Amibroken)
OP- Deputy Chief of Police from the town next to us! (Age 37)
Married 25 Years, Together 28
3 Kids (17, 14, 11)

Posts: 487 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Delmarva
Member # 30877
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)

The first couple of times then no. He took her to the health department and she got tested. Ya, that really matters since she was arrested for prostitution.

D-Day 10/28/10..almost admission 7/10 Reconciled. I was the betrayed

Posts: 1203 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: arizona
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)

The first time WH and MOW were drunk, used nothing and he came in her. He did not even know her last name.

From that first romp, he brought me home an infection (fever, abdominal pain, weird discharge) which he prescribed (he's an MD) the treatment for trich for, but proceeded to tell me it was yeast.

Did he get himself checked? Nope. Did he tell me he cheated? Nope.
He risked my life for 8 months.

He continued to have unprotected sex and oral sex with her, because she SAID she was clean. She had gotten checked the LAST time she cheated on her husband.

Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 852 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)

He said he did. But who really knows?

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15393 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Member # 27352
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)

Nope, that would have meant he thought with his head that's attached to his shoulders.

He told me he "didn't think about it because they told him they never did this kind of thing before".

Funny thing is he told the same lie to the OW.

BW 44, SAWH 45(sorry1)
M24 yrs
DD 23,16,13 DS 21, 19
Dday1-7/3/09 EA OW4
Dday2-9/1/09 PA OW4
Dday3 3/14/10 Farmville sexting, OW3
Dday4 3/13/11 Secret texting, would be OW5-she said no
Dday5 8/2/11 PA 10 years ago OW1, kissing 4 years ago OW2

Posts: 1123 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Pennsylvania
Member # 36671
Default  Posted: 4:24 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

4 STDs (first one when I was pregnant); one, maybe, two children with OW#? He never gave anything a second thought and when I confronted him last year with the latest STD, he lied and said that it was from 'athlete's foot'...

I've simply no idea what he keeps in his head. For someone who's so informed in every other sphere and very successful...? I just don't know anymore.

WS had two LTAs of 10 years and 12 years; further 8/9 affairs; EAs, 2 OC. Looks horrific but he is fully immersed in trying to find the 'broken.' It's on-going and painful. If there's a blue sky and sunshine, then it's a good day.

Posts: 166 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: UK
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Wow. I can't believe so many responses are the same. Guess we didn't cross their minds much...

Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Member # 34131
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)


Nope, we never crossed their selfish minds. My wife even admitted that.

She claims she used condoms for the sex twice, but the numerous blow-jobs she gave we unprotected.

That tells me it wasn't about STD's, and more about her concern for pregnancy.

Truly a selfish bunch that we deal with.

Me, BS-54
DD, 1/9/2011

Posts: 170 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 6:43 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

I had two STD's over the last ten years. When I confronted him he looked at me and said "you didn't get that from me". I thought it must have been something as a result of his chronic prostatitis. We have talked about it again since d-day & he still didn't believe that I got it from him because he always used a condom. The hookers he saw wouldn't go bare back.

Stupidness abounds!

BS - 58
SAWH - 61 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 37 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell

Posts: 736 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 35526
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

Imagine a married man, after discovering HIS WIFE was having sex with another man, having to ask HIS WIFE if THEY were using condoms. It is so twisted and still difficult to get ones mind wrapped around.

She immediately said, "Yes, we did."

It was a lie. Nothing whatsoever was used. Ever. That would introduce reality into a selfish delusion that required the absence of reality in order to exist.

She started her delusion when our youngest son was three months old. She had her tubes tied after the delivery. I have no doubt whatsoever she would have become pregnant by the affair guy had she not been neutered. Any and all sex was performed - she had to do everything because it had to be the love of fucking legends, right? Not some delusional escape from deep low self-esteem, and validation issues, no. She had to make sure the fantasy was well-fed and the flattery would continue from a man in love with how weak-minded she was.

The notion that she could acquire HPV, herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, AIDS, crabs, etc. didn't enter her mind - at all.

[This message edited by keptmyword at 11:46 AM, June 1st (Saturday)]

I Divorced Her.

Posts: 362 | Registered: May 2012
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

He was surprised I even asked that because" I did have a vasectomy so very."

Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 626 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

Not as far as I know they never did. After DDay#1 when he was underground with the A still he got a text that said she needed to talk to him about something. My first response was "I hope the hell she is pregnant with triplets and you spend the rest of your miserable life wiping shit off the little bastard's asses." All of our kids are grown. I sure wished God would have answered my prayers on that one!!! It would have served them both right. Sorry, BS's dealing with OC. But no, he said she had cancer (not). I got tested after DDay#2 for STD's. All negative so far.

M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

Nope. A normally intelligent man hooked up with at least five different women without protection. The last gem was juggling several men at once; he knew it and didn't care. He referred to her as his "plaything" not girlfriend. He continued to have unprotected sex with her after he knew he gave me HPV and that I had abnormal cells that could turn cancerous because of it. He didn't care enough about me to stop having sex with her after I took him back. That's one of the things that hurts the most.

There are STDs that can be contracted even if protection is used, herpes and HPV for example. I feel extremely fortunate that he did not bring home HIV. Most of his hookups were with random drunk desperate women at the bar's closing time who would go to a hotel with anyone. I'm quite sure he was not anyone's first hookup, including his married howorker.

Me-BW 50

2 Ddays and lots of TT

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken

Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

The claim is that they did, but the lies are spewing forth so much it's just white noise. So I get me tested and so far nothing.

I wonder about DD and have to learn about possibly transferring it to a child?

And they test the baby.

Perv was quite shocked when I had to bring it to his "attention", simply shocked it should even considered for his highness.

And he tried to say she was tested and it was negative, bla bla bla because that was said with what I now know, because of the clues he gives when he lies,it was "Lying Perv".

I'm sorry for everyone who has to go through this, too.

Some of my anger and anxt is how much of this drama and absolute crap we inherit not by any choice of our own. It's brought into our lives and the lives of our children through none of our own faults and is with us for many years and possible forever. Horrible.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 32212
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

Of course not. Her tubes were tied after all.

The fact that she "forgot" to mention she's infested with herpes *shocked* my idiot ex.

Hope he's having fun with that.

Me: 37
Ex: 45
OW turned girlfriend: whore
Married 12+ yrs
D Day: 4-22-2010
4 kids ages 3-8 at D day
Filed for D: 5-2010
D final: 7-2010 (OW divorce final 6 months later)

Posts: 305 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

Xwh took OUR condoms and used them with the multiple OW. But it wasn't planned I then made him get a vasectomy so we didn't need them anymore and didn't that ruin his plans.

I still got an STI & STD check though, as he had proven more then once I couldn't believe anything out of his mouth.

"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1333 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)

I asked and WH’s reply was

“what for?”

He’d had a vasectomy and MOW had been sterilised, so there was no risk of pregnancy (not that there was much of one anyway as they were both 45 when they started their affair). Of course they assumed the other had no STDs and that they were being “faithful” to each other (oh, apart from having sex with their spouses too, gotta keep the pretence up) – after all, they were in love and this was their perfect world, so why spoil it with condoms? Using condoms would debase their relationship and bring it down to basic sex. Which it was.

D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 57 y/o Him, WS, 58 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 19 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3455 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)

X claims they did. But not when they had oral sex. I assume he's lying because he refused to wear condoms with me, ever. And she was pregnant at the time their physical affair started. They wouldn't have used condoms as protection against std's because in their fantasy, they were both clean. So, really, why would they have needed condoms at all?

Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

I see "clean" said a lot by ws/Ap...

My wh initially said mow was clean.

He also within 15min. Said:

"We used condoms every time"

"Ok maybe just the first time"

"Ok no never used them. We both decided we were clean and i lied because I knew you would be mad sunflowergirl"

They had unprotected sex with each other, their spouses had oral sex with each other and their spouses. Nice.

Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1060 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Yes, my dutiful wife put one on them herself, well except the one in the alley.

Isn't it just shit when hese things pop into your head? Eurgh.

BH-29 (me)

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.

Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
cannot forget
Member # 30759
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Of course not. She was trustworthy. Met her Ashley Madison site, but she was trustworthy! Makes me sick to even think about.

MOW49 2.5yr LTA
married 24yrs

Posts: 52 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Ct
Member # 36634
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)


Me: 44 BS
Married 12 yrs
True R: 12/2012
4kids(11, 8, 5, 4mos)+ 2 Step kids I love like my own

Posts: 309 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Georgia
Member # 7726
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

I think I'm the only one who's FWH used protection. What does that say? He was a responsible cheater?!

D-day April 2005, R.
Me-BS 37
Him-FWH 37, 8 month EA/PA with coworker. Married 2 yrs at the time.
2 kiddos after D-day, Married 11 years.

Posts: 262 | Registered: Jul 2005
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Nope Solost!

Mine did too! Only because the hookers insisted on it!

BTW...I still got an STD. Any time there is contact with body fluids STD are a real possibility.

BS - 58
SAWH - 61 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 37 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell

Posts: 736 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 39324
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

No...because apparently women on AM are "classy"

Dday 5-10-13
1 year + EA/PA (still TT)
Me- BW
Him- WH
M- 15 years
2 kiddos
Today's forecast is foggy with a chance of D.

"Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"

Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: hell on earth
New Member
Member # 39406
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

Nope. He says he was high, though, so he doesn't "remember all the details."

He also assures me that his hookups were other nerds (sci-fi/fantasy conventions, mostly while I was doing other stuff that didn't include drug-addled hotel sex with strangers, like board-gaming), so there's NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, THESE FOLKS ARE CLEAN, YO.

Me: BH - Happily Remarried, but dealing with old stuff

“I'm losing my mind in a bedroom with a ghost
and I'm losing my mind in a bottle while I choke
I stayed years with you, no one knows (but I want them to).”
– Thought Industry

Posts: 44 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 19024
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

I asked but my WH embellished the sexual part of the A so much that I never knew what to believe.. He did buy a box of condoms but only one was out of it & I found it (unused) when I was snooping in his van.

WH told me so many stories of the sex with OW but he also has severe ED so I think sex wasn't a big part of their relationship.. he told these stories to make himself look better..

Funny thing is, the sexual aspect of the A never really bothered me, it was more the things he told her about me that bugged me..

"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible

Posts: 4779 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Not in Philly.. it's just a screen name :-)
Topic Posts: 76