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User Topic: Just a *whine* and vent
gma56
Member
Member # 19595
Angry  Posted: 7:47 PM, May 24th (Friday)

For 25+ yrs I took care of FT through many surgeries and illnesses. I did it because I loved him and thought he loved me. I always figured if I ever needed the help, he would be there for me. That is before dday, I realized then that he wasn't capable of nuturing, empathy, caring or loving me. I was in deep denial and in my own marriage fog for many years.

Five years later, I'm having severe back/knee problems(chronic) and dealing with it alone.
That isn't what I signed up for.. damn him anyway !

I don't want the SOB back, hell NO !But this sucks..

I know there is many of us that have to deal with illnesses alone now, any advice or suggestions ?

I don't want to lean on my kids too much.
DD and family are busy with building a home, kids, and moving.

DSS has a newborn and sick stepson.

I know I will have them next to me if/when I have back surgery but that won't be awhile, I hope.
Just a whine of more that was taken because of the selfish prick that threw me and our marriage away.
Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20323 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
better4me
Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, May 24th (Friday)

He sucks. You don't. I'm sorry, I know you will handle this new issue with grace and fortitude. Sometimes, when we are the seen as the "strong ones", others don't know that we need assistance and support. They can't help unless you let them know. Don't be afraid to let them know.(((gma56)))


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3011 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, May 24th (Friday)

((Gma)))

Lean a little bit on a lot of people. Don't reject help when it offered. People really do want to help and will do it happily if you know what you need.

Unpacking - let someone move the heavier box. Need big items at the hardware store? Let someone help. I'm really bad at this.

You're such an amazing person. I bet you've got friends around you to help and support you. Let them.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8407 | Registered: Apr 2008
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, May 24th (Friday)

(((gma)))


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17165 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, May 24th (Friday)

gma, I know this sucks - they have there own lives to lead and it wasn't supposed to be this way... I remember when I realized that when/if I became ill my H wouldn't be there for me. (Oddly enough it was before Dday, something that built up until I just realized in my bones). The reality, I'm sure is a lot harder.

All I can think to say is this: If your mom was in this position, or your stepmom - wouldn't you want her to let you know, to let you help her out?

Think about it. Big hugs meantime ((gma))


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
wannabenormal
Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, May 24th (Friday)

You know what? Whine away!

I dealt with a similar situation, though not all health related.

I supported XH through some stuff. Then he affaired on me and gosh darn it, I'm pissed he wasn't there for me like I was for him.

It DOES suck and what are you supposed to do? Who do you have?

Even with good friends and fam, it's not the same and dammit, we DID get gypped and it just isn't fair.

So I have no real advice other than to support your anger with the situation.



Posts: 14320 | Registered: Jun 2008
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, May 24th (Friday)

(((gma)))

Posts: 33938 | Registered: Mar 2011
gma56
Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 12:15 AM, May 25th (Saturday)

Thanks everyone ! I just needed a bitch and whine today and so I posted here.

It's been a tough few weeks with work and dealing with back issues took it's toll. Then I was thinking how hard I have to work in the next few years so I can have any kind of financial security when I retired, made me more pissed at FT for taking what we worked so many years to achieve together.
I could have used a little spoiling so it pissed me off more that I lost any support I might have because of FT's NPD and infidelity.
I have a few days off so I will soak in the jacuzzi, stretch the muscles (I haven't been doing this and this is probably why it's worse right now)catch up on book keeping, and go watch the local airshow. Nothing too stressful.
Might even have a glass of beer or wine watching the airplanes.
Monday is a friend's 48th bday (so young,lol)we will have to celebrate.

Just knowing I have no work for a few days is making me feel better.
Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20323 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
wannabenormal
Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, May 25th (Saturday)

Gma, you've like never bitched, so it's cool!

We hate FT and hope (and his shriveled balls) rot.

I hate that you aren't having the ending you worked for, but...you seem like you're doing well despite that.

Yay! FT's blow.



Posts: 14320 | Registered: Jun 2008
gma56
Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 1:38 AM, May 25th (Saturday)

and his shriveled balls)

You remember the picture Twat sent to everyone after one of his surgeries ?
That was classic...
Shriveled with a catheter. The good old days !Can't make that shit up !
Nothing to miss there..

[This message edited by gma56 at 1:40 AM, May 25th (Saturday)]


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20323 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, May 25th (Saturday)

It's like a parallel universe or something.

Thankfully where we are now is so much more, um, sane...

Keep up with the stretches and self-care. I've been slacking myself, so I know how it goes.

We have to stay on top of it now, nobody else will!

[This message edited by FaithFool at 9:59 AM, May 25th (Saturday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17165 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 11