User Topic: First really objective look at OW
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, May 24th (Friday)

Would love to share her pic with someone here!!

I haven't felt jealous in a long time. And today I looked at facebook at OWs pictures and now that the rage is gone and the jealousy died...i took a good close up look at OW. She isn't very attractive at all. Teeth are kind of messed up, she has crazy eyes, and I am almost laughing. I want to tell WH "go get her!"

On top of that, she has an ugly heart and was ready to step over me to take my life for her own.

If she was someone of strong moral character, she could be pretty in her own way. But her inner ugliness combined with her ho hum looks makes her look hideous and insane....and I don't care how important of a career she has or doesn't have. Ugly is ugly.

I definitely have some anger still. But the thought of WH and OW no longer fills me with that jealous rage.

[This message edited by Spelljean at 8:24 PM, May 24th (Friday)]

WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, May 24th (Friday)

You can send me a PM if you want, Spelljean.

I didn't know the OW. It took me awhile to find a picture of OW, but I finally found one. I wasn't sure it was OW as it has a very common name for this neck of the woods. I kind of blindsided FWH with OW's picture and he turned a ghastly white and looked like he was going to puke. He said yeah, thats OW and it hasn't aged well.

Yeah, maybe it was always that ugly, you just had your rose colored glasses on and all the rainbows farted by unicorns obscured your vision.

Anyway, when I objectively look at OW, I wouldn't say it was downright ugly. I don't think anyone would ever have said it was pretty, though. Just your average looking middle aged midwestern woman.

However, I know the ugly inside of it and that overtakes its even marginally average looks and just makes OW the ugliest c u next tuesday ever!

But the thought of WH and OW no longer fills me with that jealous rage.
That is good, Spelljean. Really nothing to be jealous of, is there? (((Spelljean)))

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9792 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, May 25th (Saturday)

On top of that, she has an ugly heart and was ready to step over me to take my life for her own.

^^^^^^ That right there.

Doesn't matter if they are physically attractive or not, their inner ugliness shines thru.

XH's main OW looks like a cross eyed tranny. On DD, I screamed at XH that she was a dog. He was furious! The longer this terrible thing was in my life, the more hideous she became. Her deeds have made her utterly loathsome.

Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 762 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, May 25th (Saturday)

I have actually met 3 out of the 4 OWs that I know about.

When I first saw OW3 without thinking I blurted out to FWH "But she looks just like your mother!".

He was gob smacked. Later when I looked at her pic I realised it was true and not just wishful thinking on my part

So I guess you could call my response objective!!


Married 32yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 60yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2754 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Member # 25690
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, May 25th (Saturday)


I obsessed over MOW's looks for the first couple of years post DD. She was so different than I am and that was hard for me for some reason.
I showed a picture of her to my old college roommate and she said, "she's cute" which is not what I needed to hear. Truthfully, she is kind of cute. We're just so different in every way.
I needed my friend to tell me she was hideous but that friend would never lie to me to make me feel better.

Ultimately, she didn't matter to my exfwh, she could have been anyone (his words). He was a mess and this was his crappy coping mechanism to medicate his combat PTSD and deal with being a first time father.

In my case, MOW was cheating on her deployed husband (my husband had just redeployed). That made them both the worst kind of gross in my opinion. I was nursing a 10 month old and 8 months pregnant with our second child. He had sex with both of us. I got an STD that caused our daughter to be born 5 weeks early. She almost died. This makes them both ugly.

Physically, she is 5'11, mousey brown hair that she dyes red or blond typically, over 200 pounds, nice boobs, nice face, big ears and cross eyes. Between month one and three of their PA she lost close to 50 pounds so looked really skinny when he ended it. She has 4 kids.

I am 5'7", 110 not pregnant was 147 the day I overweight at the time of the PA. Dark brown hair and eyes, small chested and I modeled professionally for 10 years. I hold 3 degrees and was making over 100K at the time of the PA. Both the MOW and my exfwh had never been to college and were unemployed.
I am very religious and neither of them believe in anything religious and they are both very promiscuous and I have only had one partner.

Looking at it all written out, they were a good match and I was ill matched with exfwh. We just didn't have any of those things in common.....we had other stuff but ultimately they were not as important.

Anyway, I guess my point is, her looks don't matter. Neither do his for that matter. They should have been honest. They should have controlled their impulses and they should never have broken their vows.

D-Day July 14, 2009
3 kids (B7, G6, B2)
BW, 37
D and healing, one day at a time

Posts: 1034 | Registered: Sep 2009
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, May 25th (Saturday)

I felt in the beginning OW was pretty. Mostly dressed very very nice w a great body. It took time to realize she wasnt pretty at all. It was the package. Small blonde. 20 yrs younger. ANd every look alike since then still captures his stares. I learned OW is now running again, and also joined a gym. Again. And we just discussed affairs at gyms last week on this website. She talks about her body on facebook. SHe is usually involved or trying hard to get a man if she works out this hard. Shes now 36. ANd never married. If find that funny.

a trigger yesterday

Posts: 937 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Member # 39181
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, May 25th (Saturday)

I saw 3 of the OW. They were all pretty.

2 were skinny with long dark brown hair and blue eyes.

1 was a little bigger, dark brown hair and brown eyes, but huge boobs.

Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, May 25th (Saturday)

When I first saw OW's FB I thought she was pretty, thin and big boobs. I met her in person and was rather floored. NOT at all what I thought she looked like. I knew she was heavier than me but couldn't tell just how much since she was sitting. When I met her the 2nd time, she was standing. I almost puked. She is NOT attractive in any way really, sadly. We won't even talk about her size, which is actually SMALLER now than when he first met her. She was playing pool and I snapped a picture on my phone. Sent it to Wh and that wasn't what he remembered. Of course it wasn't.

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, May 25th (Saturday)

I want to tell WH "go get her!"

I went through a phase where I wanted to do this SO badly. I wanted him to go be with her and see what it was like. OW is completely shallow and twisted (preached religion to him while they were committing adultery - omg) and quite possibly crazy. I would have loved to see what their "life" would have been like once it involved anything other than getting drunk and screwing.

As to looks, I've never met her but WH says she's bony, plain, and her hair looks like it's glued on (???? - lol). Oh and she talks too much and is "dippy". And of course it goes without saying that she's easy and without morals.


I think when we first find out we assume OW must be some amazing creature, but it is true when they say,"they always affair down". WH insists she is less than me in every way. The "nicest" thing he can think of is that she drinks like a man. Which unfortunately was integral to the situation, since in his little mid-life meltdown he equated "partying" with "youth".

So, nothing real or good or sweet about it or her. Nothing there to be jealous of.

D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Member # 27993
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, May 25th (Saturday)

I couldn't get past the fact that she was 16 years younger than me. But once I got a good look at her picture on Facebook I couldn't believe it.
She is 41 and lives with her mother, never married.

I showed my H her picture and she just looked....not very feminine. Had her lips injected and just yucky! He also lost all the color from his face and shook his head.

The icing on the cake was when one of her bosses said to me post DDay (he did not know of the affair) that she was ugly inside and out. He called her Mr Ed.

[This message edited by crestfallen at 9:33 AM, May 25th (Saturday)]

Married 32 years
OW-Mr. Ed ish! Seriously!
DDAY- 2/21/09
TT until 1/10/10
Working on R and doing well!!

Posts: 179 | Registered: Mar 2010
Member # 36038
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, May 25th (Saturday)

Send it to me! I'll even exchange for a photo of mine! Ugh!

Me: 47
FWH: 39 (SI username: Bumbling)
DD: 10

DDay #1: June 9, 2012
Dday #2 (TT): November 29, 2012
DDay #3 (The BIG one, ALL the TT): March 30, 2013
False R: June 12, 2012 - March 21, 2013
REAL R: March 21, 2013 - present

Posts: 290 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Texas
Member # 38660
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, May 25th (Saturday)

I'm clinging to that ugly on the inside thing...

My OW, 23 now, 20 when A started, is beautiful...she just is...She's athletic, tits that point to heaven, perfect skin, beautiful eyes and hair...My H texted her that she was the most beautiful woman(?!) he's ever seen.

I'm 48 and pretty average, but I am one smart bitch! There are all kinds of beauty in this world and all kinds of ugly. I knew OW had an ugly soul when she introduced herself to my son as my H's that's ugly.

"Never, never, never give up." - Winston Churchill

Posts: 138 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, May 25th (Saturday)

I too would love an objective look at the OW. I know that it didn't really matter who she is, she is just his shiny new toy, that's giving him lots of attention. I have seen the two of them together once - I thought she looked like a woman going through a mid-life crisis. She's 46, been divorced for 5 years and is anxious to remarry. She had her hair piled on top of her head in some sort of fan, heavy make up, short, tight black skirt, tight black jacker and high heel shoes. The pig's sister said that she's only met her a couple of times and her only comment, was that she wears high heels.

He brought her to a charity event for an organization I volunteer for and of course, the people that I work with told me that I am much prettier, but they sort of have to. She's very busty, I am not. I know that they like to party, because the last time I was at the marital house, there was several bottles of wine and vodka out. When he was with me, he only drank when we went out or if friends came over.

Spelljean, feel free to PM her picture and I will give you my opinion. There was a post - about how they always affair down and it was really helpful to me to read it. The skank approached the pig and he was more than willing to dump me at the curb and take up with her. He's a wealthy man, so I am sure she is in it for the money. Hope she takes him for all she can.....Whatever is left over after the attorney's and me are done with the divorce!!!

I don't know if I can mention her name her and have you check out her FB page and let me know what you think of her.

I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 479 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, May 25th (Saturday)

Yes having trouble posting pics in the PM section. Could be my ipad too.

There might be a solution here...brainstorming.

WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, June 21st (Friday)

I first met OW when she was dating a friend of ours. EWH had met her before me, and made a big show (now, in hindsight) of telling me how old she looked, and gangly/bony she is(I am curvy), and how he couldn't understand what our friend saw in her. He even made fun of her name. It's Regina, but he would refer to her as "Reg-EYE-na Vagina". When I finally met her, I thought she was quite pretty and didn't understand why EWH was saying such mean things about her. Now I know he was going to such lengths because he was intensely attracted to her.

While she was dating our friend, we socialized with them, went to dinner, dancing etc. They spent time at our house, and in our hot tub. Oh how I love having the visual memory of her practically naked, in just a little string bikini. That's made the mind-movies HELL, as I can picture her and my ex together with such clarity that it's nauseating. I wish he'd chosen someone random that I'd never met, talked to and spent time with.

Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin

Posts: 912 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Feel free to send it to me Spelljean. It is cathartic to share

Perhaps I could suggest an appropriate avatar for her?

Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 893 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, June 21st (Friday)

I have a pic of ow on my phone. My DD got it from her DD mines fuglier. Lol.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5125 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, June 21st (Friday)

My ipad won't cooperate with pic posting!

WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Member # 26854
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, June 21st (Friday)

Fwh OW used to be good looking in her younger years. Years of drinking too much wine and not taking care of herself have taken their toll on her. Her attraction is in her outlandish behavior! She has a great personality if you go for someone who 's mantra is:
I don't repeat gossip so be sure you listen close!

DDay - 11/4/09
BS-49 DDay
fWS-46 DDay
EA/PA with childhood sweetheart/ kissed
R - 11/25/09
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Posts: 1459 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Northeast
SI Staff
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 10:59 PM, June 21st (Friday)

To everyone...

Before it even starts...

Do not post pictures and/or names of the OP's. This is not a revenge site nor is this a place to out anyone.

Feel free to vent but no pictures, URL's and names.


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)

No problem at all. I will definitely refrain from posting pics.

WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Member # 39567
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)

First time I met the OW was at CH Christmas party. Funny I had strong feeling there was attraction between them but dismissed it because she was married and we were so into us. The next time I was her was when she sent pic of her in red lingerie by txt on his phone 10 days ago. Oh BTW he bought it for her. Went out and purchased a cash credit card so he could send it without any funny charges showing up. Way to go! CH
I look at her and I am sick. We had the same hair color, NO MORE I couldn't look at myself and not think of her. I know how it feels to look at the competition. Please consider she isn't. People like that are selfish and uncaring. They really cant hold a candle to you. Dismiss her from your mind. They are just the pit your spouse sank into and not worth the time it takes to think about them.

M 3/27/12 together since 06'
A EA/PA 4/19/13/5/26/13
DD 6/12/13
Forced NC 6/13/13
MOW coworker-caught,TT for six months.

Posts: 117 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)

I saw OW for the first time about 4 months after we S. She was at the former marital home on WH's visitation evening. That was a nasty surprise.

She exceeded my wildest expectations. She is 10 years older than me, but looks more. She's probably 100 lbs heavier (and while I'm not overweight, I am not a tiny person). She was even dressed badly. Her work pants were straining at the seams almost to the point of camel toe. She had a mullet type haircut with bad highlights, a bumpy nose, a saggy double chin... I was stunned that WH had ever found her attractive.

The positive to come out of that encounter was that after seeing her, I could be certain that none of this mess was about me.

[This message edited by roughroadahead at 9:18 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)]

BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 739 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
Member # 19024
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)

funny thing.. whenever I'm feeling down & sad about the A, I go on OW FB & look at her posts & pictures & 9 times out of 10 I feel better..

In addition to being extremely ugly (think female linebacker with 5 chins & weird demon eyes.. no offense to linebackers Actually OW honest to goodness looks like Fiona from Shrek, same body everything & her BH does look like Shrek as well) OW is a lost soul.. she goes from BFF to BFF .. she will be posting how XYZ is her BFF & they are inseparable . they have their little 'inside' FB jokes (can you say high school?) & then all of a sudden BOOM this BFF is gone & another one is in her place.. She seems to find needy people, gets to be their BFF, buys them stuff, does everything for them & then once they seem to be a free person, she dumps them.

All sort of what she did to WH... Once he filed for D, she wanted no more part of him & has NEVER contacted him since the A ended.

glad the photo made you feel better, I totally understand

"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible

Posts: 4782 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Not in Philly.. it's just a screen name :-)
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)

I saw a picture of my WH ONS prostitute. I thought she was ugly, but when I said so, he said he thought she was cute.

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 39609
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)

OMG luvedmypbear... I was pregnant on DDay, and I can't imagine if that had happened to me... Maybe I was lucky? I don't know, but I guess it helped that my WH PCSed to S. Korea when I was about 12 wks, so no sexy times...and very few after I found out I was Preggo too because I was so sick.

Simularities between me and other woman: glasses, hair color, eye color, about the same body built....but her boobs are like...twice the size of mine. She's only a year younger and at the time of their affair...I was heavily pregnant, so she was skinner by default. Also, she had a lot of really trashy looking tattoos. I'm a fan of tattoos (don't have any yet tho), but hers were really trashy looking, but WH thought they were hot. I've looked all threw her FB pics, and if I am honest with myself, she is kind of pretty but only when she smiles. However, she has an ugly heart and that tops all of the above. BTW, I started wearing my contacts everyday again and dyed my hair a lighter color. lol

[This message edited by Tired05 at 3:40 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)]

Together 6 yrs. M 4 yrs. DD born 3/1/2013.
Me: BS -- Him: 1 EA/PA (6mos), PA (MW), and 6 ONS...Been at it for almost 5 yrs. *Still slave to TT* 1st DDay- 11/24/2012,
.....OC due in August.....

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
Member # 39242
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)

I know OW as she works for my husband.

I wouldn't say she isn't attractive, just the polar opposite of me. Short, blonde, huge boobs, uneducated. She smokes, doesn't work out, has a young child.
There are statistics that show that generally the OW isn't as attractive as the spouse.
She was sure to let me know that he was into her because of her age and her boobs. OK that's nice....

I am stronger than the storm.
I take every experience in my life, no matter how horrendous it was, as a learning experience

Posts: 67 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 27