SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: Cobwebs clearing more and more
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, May 24th (Friday)

My H is really working hard on himself. He seems more and more aware of how....well, unaware he was during the A!

I asked him a few days ago, "were you not aware that after all the raving you did about your dad's wife, that you were having sex with someone who could have been that person for OUR kids?" He said, "well at the time I thought I was different bc I never wanted to break up our family. My dad wanted out. I did not." But he realizes how completely and utterly ridiculous that is now.

I also mentioned what she said to him, "I could never be mad at you." He said..."well....it's idiotic and childish." YES! I said. I said that to a guy when I was, 15! I am just relieved he recognizes this and does not think it's a statement a secure woman makes.

I see him get sad when he makes these realizations - as if he cannot believe he did this. I reassure him that this is all good. The webs are clearing. He's becoming more of who he is meant to be.

I think I will too.

[This message edited by LA44 at 9:33 PM, May 24th (Friday)]


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2438 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
sailorgirl
Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, May 25th (Saturday)

That's great, LA!

WH was unbelievably Stupid in the A. He is figuring out exactly what contributed to his disordered thinking and failure to see clearly . . . He needs to know every factor in order to prevent it from happening again. It's too risky to be with a person who can become a completely irrational idiot!


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
NoraLee
Member
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, May 25th (Saturday)

We went through that too ... Husband would say something and after turning it over and putting it in context - my husband would get a look - the epiphany look...sometimes there would even be a jaw-drop...

It's key to busting through the fog of this mystical connection - that its only within a vacuum - and with the absence of critical thought and objective reality - can they believe the fairy tale they've spun...


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, May 25th (Saturday)

Yes! The epiphany look NoraLee! I love when I see that look!

Thank you both for your input


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2438 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Topic Posts: 4