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Reconciliation
User Topic: I feel like we're getting somewhere...
OptimisticWife
Member
Member # 36587
Content  Posted: 10:32 AM, May 25th (Saturday)

Just wanted to share my happiness about the progress we are making in R

Yesterday I asked my H to share a thought or a feeling with me that he had that day that he wouldn't normally tell me about.

He said that while he was at work, he pictured my face and then he thought to himself, "how could you!"
He said he is still struggling with processing his shame and guilt.
I know he is sorry and he's working hard on R. I thanked him for sharing his thought. He said it was one he has often, multiple times a day.
I then ask how he now feels about OW. He replied, "I feel nothing. It's like a heartbeat that just flatlines. There's nothing". Is that indifference I'm hearing? He's said since my final dday that he feels nothing for her (he had already gone NC by then). I think I'm at a point now where I can believe him.

I had bought H the book "how to help your spouse heal from your affair" in January. He has never read a book in the whole time I've known him. I was over the moon when he started reading this one. My joy was short lived as he only got about 40pages in. Tonight we started reading it together. Each of us highlighting what stood out for us in the first chapter. Then once we finished the chapter, we went back to discuss the points we highlighted.
We both found this very helpful and we have committed to doing 1 chapter each week in the same way. We spent almost 2 hours on chapter 1. H said he felt like he got a lot out of it. So did I. Mostly I was impressed by our discussion. I was left feeling that my H is amazing! Such a turn around from pre A H. He's really trying and I appreciate that so much.
I love him more than I ever thought I could after discovering his A. He has grown more in the last 15 months than he did in the 23 years I had been with him before the A.
I am starting to feel as though I can see a future where the A doesn't consume me because the work and commitment he is showing me post A means so much more.

I honestly didn't think I could truly be happy in our M ever again. Today I feel blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life. I feel happy that he loves me enough to do the work


Posts: 190 | Registered: Aug 2012
soveryweary
Member
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, May 25th (Saturday)

I am so happy for you.
I can "feel" the happiness in your word. Just wonderful.


Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 605 | Registered: May 2011
AFrayedKnot
Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 5:41 AM, May 26th (Sunday)

Sounds Awesome


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2528 | Registered: Aug 2012
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:20 AM, May 26th (Sunday)

What a great post!

Thanks for sharing your positive steps forward in R!


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 36709 | Registered: Sep 2007
Topic Posts: 4