So WS has changed his passwords. In the midst of our fight I mentioned that his behavior and criticism towards me was like his behavior when he was having the affairs.
In the 2+yrs that WS was having affairs, he would often make negative comments about me. One of the big things was if I drink too much apparently I get what he calls "diarrhea of the mouth". This was hurtful to me because I feel I suffer on some level social anxiety. So when I drink at social functions of course I loosen up. Bt I am never vulgar or ornery. I am just very talkative. Last night we did a wine tasting with a mixed group of foreigners. I made the faux pas that the Americans never seem to make the Wimbly. Sorry I don't know soccer. Well instead of WS trying to call me out on it at the moment, so I could apologize for my ignorance, he just let me go on. But waits until later to point out what I did wrong..
I admit that I had asked WS before we went to bed if I had embarrassed him that evening by talking to much- because I felt his behavior was off towards me. He had said yes. Well I stewed about it all night and asked him specifically what I had done or said. He mentioned the soccer thing, and something about me waxing poetic about American cheeses. Wth!
I'm one who will obsess for days even months about a social function worrying if I did or said the right things, seemed friendly enough, did they like me...the list goes on.
So at the moment we are kind of cold shouldering each other. I am waiting of him to say something, because I always have been the one to apologize.
But when I mentioned the affair during the argument, he said it has nothing to do with the current situation. But in a way it does. I can't help but to think about A every time I feel anger towards him. Or if I feel inadequate.I WILL NOT drink the Kool Aid.
The grass is greener on the other side. But they put chemicals on theirs.