Topic: thinking about it..
Member # 34600
| Posted: 9:48 AM, May 27th (Monday)|
Everything happened 2 years ago next month. I still think about it. I don't obsess over it like I use to, but I do think about it like once every 1-2 weeks, and when I do, it hits me like a ton of bricks. I shut down. I want to cry, scream, and hurt him all at the same time. I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach and it's stuck there for a majority of the day. I was hoping it would be better by now. Well, I guess it is, since I don't think about it 24/7, but will I ever truly be over it? I don't know why I posted this. I know many of you probably feel the same way. I hate this. And it makes me truly dislike my husband when I think about it...knowing HE did this to me.
3 children (14, 9, and 3)
Together 13 years, married 8
DD- June 2, 2011
Posts: 76 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 35812
| Posted: 1:21 PM, May 27th (Monday)|
When I was in the timeframe that you describe, I remember screaming, WHEN IS THIS GOING TO BE F-ing OVER! Just popped out of my mouth one day. Luckily when I was at home by myself, not in the middle of my office.
This probably isn''t comforting at all, but you''re right on schedule. The gaping, open wound is sorta filling in a little from the bottom and thinking of starting a scab. But there''s still a long way to go. If it is any help at all, I look back and it seems like this year has just flown by. I don''t understand it since some of the days lasted for eons, but now, I look back in my journal and am bewildered by time''s passage. (((hugs)))
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Posts: 4586 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Member # 37575
| Posted: 6:30 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)|
It's interesting to me that our bodies can "remember" anniversaries of all kinds of tramatic events, even before our mind remembers them. I was just wondering if that is what is happening to you since the DDay anniversary is coming up?
I HATE this too! You are certainly not alone! (((hugs)))
IMO it's ok to scream, I do it often on the way home from work. I am a nonviolent person as I am sure you are, but I do get those fleeting images of say.....a frying pan just happening to whack WH on the head?! lol!
You are also not alone in wondering if you will ever truly get over it, I think about that often.
I am trying to figure it all out myself, but I would say to you to be gentle with yourself. Take care of your feelings, express them the best way you can. Stress and emotional trauma really do give you physical symptoms, you aren't making it up.
I hope you can find a tiny bit of peace, something you can enjoy.
Take care of yourself!
Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein
Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
Member # 35215
| Posted: 7:00 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)|
WHEN IS THIS GOING TO BE F-ing OVER!
Oh yes! This is exactly what I have been screaming lately. I can't take it anymore. My WH isn't suffering as much as I am.
BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended
Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Member # 38975
| Posted: 7:21 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)|
I understand. I just want to move on but the mind is a tricky thing.
I wanted to rush my healing, our healing but it wasn't to be.
I have had people here and elsewhere say the average time is 2.5 to 5 years. Ugh, I know.
Think about it and then say the a is something that happened not that's happening. List 10 good things about your marriage now and then pat yourself one the back for all you have endured and how far you've come.
I know I am stronger. I know MY boundaries so if he chooses to cross them then he will deal with the consequences.
The power is back bc I know I am different.
Can't change the past but you can certainly learn from it.
Hang in there. You can do it.
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou
Posts: 1099 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 30817
| Posted: 7:35 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)|
Yes. It gets better. Assuming, of course, you are working the process you need to work to heal.
I found that when I let go of the "OMG are you fucking kidding me, it might take 5 YEARS" and replaced it with "well fuck, it might take five years, ok" it took a huge weight off my shoulders. It allow you more opportunity to focus on the good, instead of the bad.
But the fact is, if you'd been beated, stabbed and left for dead in some field, you'd probably not be "over it" by now. Allow yourself to accep the magnitude of your own trauma. I think it makes it heal faster.
[This message edited by Rebreather at 7:35 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)]
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi
Posts: 6306 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 30314
| Posted: 7:57 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)|
Allow yourself to accep the magnitude of your own trauma. I think it makes it heal faster.
Yep, so true.
his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12
4 kiddos in lower 20's
ôSlide the weight from your shoulders and move forward. You are afraid you might forget, but you never will. You will forgive and remember."
Posts: 4522 | Registered: Dec 2010
Member # 37683
| Posted: 5:24 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)|
IFaith...love your suggestions!
Married 10+ years to my high school sweetheart
Blended Family: 25, 21, and 20
Married 10 years
"The Universe Unfolds as it Should"
Posts: 301 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Missouri
|Topic Posts: 8|| |