Just Found Out
User Topic: 6 months out
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, May 27th (Monday)

Not sure that this post belongs here in this forum.....guess I just wanted to let the new members know that you will somehow get to this milestone.....

This has been a nightmare for me, my world came crashing down 11.25.12. I had no idea the affair was going on and was completely devastated. I confronted him, he told me to leave and I did.

I know the pain you are in.......I know the devastation you feel......the depression, the rage, the anger, the betrayal, the feeling that I was just tossed aside, discarded.

6 months ago Friday, he told me he had to go into work for a few hours (the Friday after Thanksgiving). Found out (at the attorney's office when I was looking over his "disclosures" and saw the charge on the credit card), that he took her to a local hotel. The night I confronted him, he took her out to a nice dinner. What an asshole.....I was sobbing on the floor, bewildered, abandoned and devastated and he was out eating steak, drinking wine. Fuck you......

I am still swinging through my emotions. The shock is starting to wear off, the denial is starting to fade. I am still in pain, devastated, hurt and feeling rage. I really want justice, paybacks, the karma bus to nail his ass. I want to out the affair and let everyone know what a adulterous lying pig he is. Let him take the consequences of his actions. The thought of the cost I have paid for his "happiness" enrages me.

I served him with divorce papers 1/8/13. Have changed my phone numbers and blocked his emails, so the only contact is through the attorneys. He is spending a shitload of money on attorneys (I don't work, am back in school).

He received the distinguished alumni award from his alma mater (pissed me off), he brought her to a fundraiser to an organization I have been involved with for 3 years (that put me into a very dark, dark place - so painful to watch the man I married, loved and trusted leave with her). He is not the man of integrity and honesty that everyone thinks he is. He is not the man I thought I married.

What I have learned, is that somewhere inside of me, is this reservoir of strength. I have survived the past 6 months. I have leaned on family, friends, IC and this website to get me through. I have managed to maintain an "a" average while going through this nightmare.

I did not want the 6 month anniversary to be about him, about the affair. I try to exercise and one of my goals was to run down to the break water. So, yesterday, decided I was going to take back the day and make it about the day I ran down to the breakwater. Took me an hour and a half, but I DID IT!!!! I have done so many things I didn't think I could do over the past few months. I dug out a 9 foot banana tree I have always hated, digging out the ugly geraniums, found an attorney to handle the divorce, changed out the toilet seats and managed to get out of bed every morning Some of this sounds trivial, but I am taking care of myself and saying "yes" to me.

I do not know what the future holds, except that he will not be in it. I don't know where I am going to end up. I am learning to just be where my feet are.

I guess it all boiled down to this.....just breath. When the pain got to be too much, would tell myself out loud, to just breath. When I thought I could not take the pain one bit more, just breath. That helped get me through. If I could breath through it, affirm that life force, I could get through it.

Just breath.........

I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 481 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, May 27th (Monday)

Good for you Dawn58! I'm very proud of you and the way you are restructuring your life! Kuddos my dear

Just breathe....that's good advice and just what I needed to hear right now. Thank you!

Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, May 27th (Monday)

Dawn58, this is a great post for those new to the forum. I think your post is valuable to those whose marriage is over. What great pain you have endured and great strength you have shown. Your attitude rocks! Fantastic!

I hope its okay but I would like to add my take for those reading as I am almost 6 months out but in a totally different spot and this in turn might help another.

H owned his behavior from the moment I found out on Dec. 6/2012 and is determined to rebuild our marriage. After 6 weeks, I agreed to take it one month at a time. He needed to prove his commitment to our marriage. It's been tough. Many tears, anger, rage and deep sense of loss in many ways.

My H has not only spoken remorsefully, but behaved that way as well. We have read numerous books to help us through this time. I highly recommend this whether you stay married or not. So much lit out there, find what is right for you and your sitch.

Although my head was spinning, concentration brutal and I was losing weight, I did realize quickly that eating well and drinking water early on was a must. Alcohol was not my friend in the early months. I also hit the gym pretty hard and relieved a lot of anxiety that way. I talked to only a good friend or two - people whom I knew would be a friend of the marriage should we decided to R.

We are moving ahead pretty well. Lots of communicating, reading, and understanding going on.

Good luck to all of you and to you Dawn as you continue on. You keep digging deep -banana trees or not - sounds like you are on a bright new path!


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2463 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
New Member
Member # 39355
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, May 27th (Monday)

I just wanted to say how inspirational this post was. I hope that one day I can see my situation through different eyes. Good for you not letting him have that 6 month anniversary and for taking it back!!

Posts: 6 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, May 27th (Monday)


What a wonderful post - you are an inspiration to many who are in a dark place. God bless you, sweetie.

Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,22 mo.& 2 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5079 | Registered: May 2007
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, May 27th (Monday)

Beautiful post Dawn, I admire your strength and compassion for posting about your experience to help others.

Posts: 516 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
Member # 27673
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, May 27th (Monday)


This is EXACTLY where this story should be posted. I think that it is a very good idea to let new members see that infidelity does not have to be the end of the world.

And you are not sugar-coating things--there is no promise of a guaranteed happy ending--you are just letting everyone know where you are six months later. No reconciliation(it probably wasn't even an option), just the reality of surviving infidelity. I would assume that one week after your D-day, you would never expect to be as far along as you are today. Good for you.

2 boys-17 & 20(special needs)
Married 21yrs.(together 27yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day: 9/18/09 D-Day#2: 2/19/10 The Marriage Killer: 6/6/11
Heading for D

Posts: 2072 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: northeast
Getting to Happy
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, May 28th (Tuesday)

Hi Dawn,

I am have been following your progress since your DD post. I'm so happy that you are realizing your strength and stepping into light.

Your post is great! Determination and self respect feel fabulous don't they!!!

I wish you and your son many more days of peace and happiness.

WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

Posts: 1141 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Member # 38660
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, May 28th (Tuesday)


BRAVO my friend!!!!

[This message edited by noprincess at 10:08 AM, May 28th (Tuesday)]

"Never, never, never give up." - Winston Churchill

Posts: 138 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, May 28th (Tuesday)

Dawn, That is just awesome! You have made such progress!

6 months from now, you will be in an even better place!


"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~

Posts: 511 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, June 4th (Tuesday)

I hope I will be in a better place six months for now!! The roller coaster ride gets tiresome.

I forgot to add a few things that have helped along the way - exercise, hot baths, hot tea, comfort foods when I could eat, hot soup and being as gentle as I can be with myself.

I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 481 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
Topic Posts: 11