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Reconciliation
User Topic: Tips on how to get through the horrible slumps??? Please help!
Rya617
New Member
Member # 39028
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)

We are in R but I found out details and the whole truth about two months ago (DDay 12/24/2010) we have two young children that I love dearly. Turns out his "reason" was that he wasn't ready for kids. Now he adores our life together, blah blah blah. Most days I just ignore the heartache but once in a while, like today, it hurts so bad that I am suffocating and want to die. I have tried counseling; together and separately and I still haven't found a way to manage these days without just getting sloppy drunk! Anyone have some tips on managing these feelings?


Me: BS (32)
Him: WH (33)
Dday: 12/24/2010
Kids: 2- ages 2 and 4

Posts: 14 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Indiana
AFrayedKnot
Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 5:27 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I would not keep anything in. Any feeling I had I would express it to my fWS. I would tell her and tell her and tell her until I couldn't express it any more.

Then I would go sit alone and feel it. No distractions just feel it. At some point I would just realize what am I doing here just wasting my day.

Then I would go play with the kids until the next feeling hit. Wash rinse repeat.

You are very early on since the latest TT. It is a long road. It does get better with a lot of work on both of your parts.

PS...I would not buy the not ready for kids sh!t. He should get to the real reasons.

PSS.. Alcohol is a depressant. It is only making things worse. Don't hide behind it. Face it. Feel it.

[This message edited by Chicho at 5:28 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2527 | Registered: Aug 2012
sailorgirl
Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Rya,
"Suffocating and want to die" is not good! I would tell your doctor how low your feelings go and for how long. Consider anti-depressents. Are you sleeping ok (not counting passed-out drunk sleep). Because sleep deprived people can not handle emotions well and might need sleep aids for awhile to get back on track.

I would also tell someone IRL about the drinking (counselor, doctor, pastor, friend, family). My mil used drinking to ignore and forget fil's behavior, and it really messed up their kids.

As for his "reason", he needs to dig deeper. Why wasn't he ready for kids? He hadn't grown up? He was immature and irresponsible? Why did he agree to kids anyway? How is he different now and why?

((Rya)). Bottom line is don't battle these slumps with alcohol or alone!

[This message edited by sailorgirl at 8:45 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)]


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 3