SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Really; I can't trust anyone!
stilltrying2025
Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)

Okay, so one of my friends was trying to set my WH up by saying sweet things to him over text messages. He wasn't really buying into it but it has been going on for over 2 hours now! Enough already! I know, I shouldn't be jealous because she is a friend and going through the same crap as me but I've lost all trust for anyone! I hardly trust what my kids and parents are saying to me anymore, much less a friend! I've been screwed over by friends many times over; I don't need any more of this crap! It was a joke, just a little set up to see if he would fall; not to go on for over 2 hours! Yikes, my jealousy is beyond control. Better talk to IC about that this week. Ugh.....I just don't want to feel like this all the time.

I know it's just because I'm on the fence; he doesn't know what he wants besides space and to be able to figure shit out (even though he's drunk 99% of the time) and I don't know what I want either. I don't think I could ever trust him again. I'm just scared; stupid!

Okay, enough venting. I shouldn't worry about my friend but after you've been screwed over so many times it's hard not to get jealous and/or suspicious!


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
NoraLee
Member
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)

Still...gently...what are you doing? Hun - this is your life. It's time to stop playing games. He was having an EA. This you KNOW. He was trying to instigate a one night stand with another friend of yours. THIS you KNOW. What more do you need to know?

At this point in time, your WH does not want to R. So 180 - put the focus on you! NC means mental NC as well. Youre only putting roadblocks in the your path to healing. Doesn't your life have enough drama? Then why are you creating more?

I suggest you have a plan...for these moments when you want to put the focus on him. Walk, call a friend, journal, turn up the msic full blast and dance your ass off. But stop the games Still, it's only hurting you.


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

^^THIS. Just.Stop.

Take a good look at this guy you want to R with.

He's drunk 99% of the time.

He is fishing for EAs/PAs.

He does not want R.

He is not remorseful.

How much this hurts is up to you. Please don't feed the drama lama. He is blowing his life apart - stand too close and your own will be blown up too.

180/NC includes NO info/goss/internet stalking/stings etc. Just stop.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Jada52
Member
Member # 38984
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Hugs stilltrying. I was thinking about you today and wondered how you were doing.


Silly Slut, husbands are for wives - get your own man B*tch!

Posts: 114 | Registered: Apr 2013
stilltrying2025
Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Had a good session with my IC today. I think I know what to do. And, one of my true friends told her cousin to hit me up! WTH....I don't need another guy! Yikes......I feel like I'm doing something wrong even though we are separated. We are just texting each other and there is nothing inappropriate about it but I still feel guilty as hell. I would not start a relationship with anyone until a divorce was at least initiated. I just gotta get my head on straight. Thank God for my IC; she's a God sent. She really knows how to get through to me!

I know what I need to do so now it's time to start saving some money so I can afford to get the divorce process going. At least I can file the initial papers for $400 without an attorney. At least get temporary orders going. I'll just have to go from there then. Tough decision but it's the only way I can go. I don't wanna hurt anymore. I haven't even checked the cell phone bill today and, really, I don't have any desire to either. HUGE step for me!

Thanks for the 2x4s; I needed them! Just in a bad place last night.


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Good for you girl. This guy has been treating you like dogshit, and I'm glad to see you are getting some of your strength back.

My suggestions? STOP texting him. STOP looking at the phone bill. Get all your ducks in a row and give yourself a break..

I was hurt to all hell that my man was giving attention to other woman, but there are at least 2 of them right now, and it sounds like yours has more than 2 as well, so just sit back and relax and be glad HE'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE!!!

NO CONTACT. NO CONTACT. NO CONTACT. NO SIDEWAYS, BACKWARDS, THROUGH FRIENDS, OR SNEAKY PHONE BILL CONTACT. Put that asshat out of your mind and FOCUS ON YOU!!!

Big huge hugs to you. I know it's tough, but you are getting there


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2316 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Oh, I was gonna say about the trust thing. I went through MONTHS of not knowing who to trust. I didn't know who knew and who didn't know, so I went into a shell. Unfortunately, some people knew and didn't tell me

To me, that made them an accomplice, and those people got shut out of my life very quickly. Staying out of other people's business my ass.. What a joke..

But think how much more perceptive and smart you are getting? I bet you are going to see red flags a lot faster now than you ever did before, so drop those losers and only keep in your life people who really have your back.. You will be able to trust your instincts a lot better going forward.. You might not always be right, but you will be a lot better at it..

It hurts to lose friends, but if they can't be trusted, they need to go.. I promise you will find better friends in the future..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2316 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
stilltrying2025
Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I'm really working hard at the no contact now since he has ignored my attempts at talking to him about his daughter, finances, etc. He text me yesterday and said "If you want money this week you will have to put my check in the bank". I did not reply. He text me again today and asked if I put his check in the bank. I said "After work. Bills paid, balance is ???". He responded "K, thanks!" I did not respond. If some of the bills weren't in my name I wouldn't pay them at all but right now I'm covering my own ass. All he does is spend money on alcohol so I have to make sure the bills get paid first. I hate that I have to coddle the ass but that's what I have to do for now until I can get the money for the initial filing fee. Ugh.....

I'm gonna keep trying! It's hard to not hear about him since we share friends and he only lives 7 miles away. I'm doing my best to not be around the area when he is but that gets spendy to try and get away. Oh well, I'll keep giving it the good ol' college try! hahaha

Thanks ButterflyGirl!


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
stilltrying2025
Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 7:00 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

First of all I want to clarify; I told her NOT to text my WH. NoraLee, you are right, I need no more proof of his unfaithfulness! She was doing this all on her own as I sat in my apartment paying "our" bills. He found out who was texting him last night and went crazy on her and then started texting me. So I told him the truth. I also told him that I would put his check in the bank every week, take the $200 a week up to $800 for child support, pay any bills that needed to be paid and let him know the balance of the account; he does not need to contact me every week about it. I told him I would do this until we decide what to do next and said it's pretty obvious what needs to happen.

Hopefully now I can go as much NC as possible. I just want to be done. Gonna save as much as I can to get the divorce going and start carrying on with my life.

I haven't looked at the phone bill yet today or at all yesterday so that's a step in the right direction. I'm putting myself out of the misery.

It's going to be all about ME now! ME and my daughters and granddaughter. That's it! He doesn't get to tug at my heart strings anymore; I'm cutting those so he has no control over my heart! It's time to move on to bigger and better things, albeit alone. It is now "I as I and not as We"!!!!

Feeling very angry today..... maybe that's a good sign. I'm not feeling the breaking of my heart today and I've opened my eyes to see that there's no hope for a future with WH. There are just so many stages of emotions to go through after infidelity that it's mind blowing! Hopefully I have made it through the agonizing part; the part where you feel you can't go on, despair, hurt and wondering what to do next. I have to move on; it's time!

Thanks for listening, the 2x4s and the support! Let's hope we all have a great Thursday!


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
silverhopes
Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, May 31st (Friday)

Regardless of your friend's intentions, if you asked her not to, she did anyway start texting him, and you don't feel good about it, I would question her friendship. That's not something that's OK for a friend to just go and do.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 10