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Just Found Out
User Topic: It's happening again
OnceUponaDream
New Member
Member # 39354
Default  Posted: 12:48 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Original d-day was 10-19, discovered today they have still been texting. He says he didn't want to talk to her but she wouldn't leave him along. That they didn't really talk about anything. Well I don't know exactly what was said in the texts but hundreds of texts back and forth aren't nothing. I'm lost again. I thought we were working on things thought things did seem off to me. No words.


Me: BW - 29
Him: WH - 29
Married 9 years
2 children, 7 and 10 months
D-Day: 10/19, 12/24, 5/28

Posts: 8 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Michigan
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 1:07 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

It is not uncommon for the WS to take the affair underground until caught again. It is like an addiction for them. They can't give up the ego-stroking and how the A makes them feel about themselves. Just know that it has nothing to do with you. It is all his brokeness that is still coming out. I think single DDay's are far and few between with WS's. I wished I had known this after DDay#1 and went ahead with the D then. It was almost another year of false R when OW outed WH#2 again to me. I know he is no longer seeing her (in my gut), but he is just a dry cheater at the moment. Not really doing a lot to help me heal or make me feel secure. The trust is gone forever along with the deep love I had for him. It breaks my heart that he could so easily throw away our marriage for an old GF that he cared nothing about. Second DDay's are worse than the first one. Thee WS now knows the pain and devastation that they have instilled in your life, but don't care. That is such a complete soul crushing action that they knowingly are putting you through. My WH#2's excuse was that he more or less got by with it (I stopped D papers)the first time and didn't think he would get caught again. I am so sorry you are deealing with this again. (((HUGS)))


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
stronger08
Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 2:50 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me !!!


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5591 | Registered: Nov 2007
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, May 29th (Wednesday)

He says he didn't want to talk to her but she wouldn't leave him along.

This is bullshit! Plain and simple. If he didn't want to talk to her again then he should've blocked her number or better yet send a NC letter, or even more simple send her a text saying "leave me the hell alone."

Hundreds of text and they didn't talk about anything? More bullshit. Sorry.

It sounds like he took it underground and got busted again.

I'm so sorry you're hurting.

(((HUGS)))


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Dream

I am so sorry that you are here again.

Please follow your instincts. You know hundreds of text aren't nothing. You know this.

Your H needs to man up and own his behavior. He needs IC to figure out WHY he needs/desires to cheat.

This is about what he is not giving not what he's not getting.

He has continued to make a conscience choice to betray you.

Make him call her with you listening and tell her its over. NC is NC. Period.

Then he needs to understand YOUR boundaries and what you will and WON'T put up with. If he is unable or unwilling then contact an attorney so you know your options/rights.

Don't be an option any longer.

You deserve truth, honesty and respect.

Keep moving. You can make it through.

(((hugs)))


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1105 | Registered: Apr 2013
OnceUponaDream
New Member
Member # 39354
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Today I am at work and he texts me saying he loves me. Not sure how to handle.


Me: BW - 29
Him: WH - 29
Married 9 years
2 children, 7 and 10 months
D-Day: 10/19, 12/24, 5/28

Posts: 8 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Michigan
mysticpenguin
Member
Member # 38839
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me !!!

Sorry, but I have to disagree. Shame on HIM all the way because he KNOWS the pain he caused, and yet is willingly doing it AGAIN and putting you (OnceUponaDream) through the agony all over again. Shame on him. It's not your fault. We love with all our hearts and expect (and thus believe) the same from our significant others.

I am so sorry you're here again. What a jerk he is. Are you planning to 180 him or kick him out? I wouldn't respond to his text at all, personally. Let him sit and stew and fear!


Betrayed

Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
Getting to Happy
Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

(((((OnceUponaDream)))))

He loves you?!? Whatever...

His kind of love you can do without.

*crickets* for the douche!


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
OnceUponaDream
New Member
Member # 39354
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Well, I'm trying to get started on the 180. He asked me if I want him to leave once I get home. I told him it doesn't matter (which is really how I feel). So he says it seems like I don't want him around so he will go. I just said ok. I'm going to start contacting lawyers. I just feel so lost. I don't even know how to make sure I'm getting a good lawyer. Does anyone have any resources?


Me: BW - 29
Him: WH - 29
Married 9 years
2 children, 7 and 10 months
D-Day: 10/19, 12/24, 5/28

Posts: 8 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Michigan
Edith
Member
Member # 38337
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Oh OUaD, I'm so sorry you are going through this.

he texts me saying he loves me.

Maybe it's just me, but I would be tempted to forward this along to OW.

Take care,

E.


Lies are manipulations. Always.

Posts: 357 | Registered: Feb 2013
NeverAgain2013
Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

He asked me if I want him to leave once I get home. I told him it doesn't matter (which is really how I feel). So he says it seems like I don't want him around so he will go.

OnceUponaDream, he seems pretty anxious to get out of the house, but he's making it look like YOU'RE the one making him go and he's doing it only because it's what you want.

I think he wants some time out of the house because he's not done with his OW, by a long shot.

I'm sorry.

Go to the lawyer and find out what your rights are. Knowledge is power.

Good luck to you.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1675 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
hard_yards
Member
Member # 23549
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Hi Honey, so sorry you are going through this.

His actions are not those of a man who is is remorseful, despite his words, they are only words.

Hundreds of texts... if he was truly trying to detach from his affair partner, there would only be one - telling her not to contact him again.

As hard as it is, I think you need to be prepared for the fact that they are continuing with their relationship, to the detriment of yours.

Think of it like a drug addict needing a fix.

His words of love.... that's manipulating you, making sure you're still on the hook, still available.

If he's saying he'll move out, let him go, it says so much. A WS who wanted to try and repair the destruction caused by their affair would be glued to your side, supporting, comforting, not talking about moving out.

Hugs honey, lots of hugs, I feel there is more to come.

[This message edited by hard_yards at 3:58 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)]



I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...

Posts: 1221 | Registered: Apr 2009
OnceUponaDream
New Member
Member # 39354
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Just left work. We will see what happens at home. He was trying to tex me. Asking if I am done. I told him that I wouldn't talk about it via text and not while I'm at work. Not sure if I even care to talk about it. I'm tired of the talking with no actions to back it up. Everything that comes out of his mouth is garbage, vomit and lies at this point. Now I'm wondering if I should shut the door forever or leave it cracked and see if he puts in the work to open it again.


Me: BW - 29
Him: WH - 29
Married 9 years
2 children, 7 and 10 months
D-Day: 10/19, 12/24, 5/28

Posts: 8 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Michigan
Reality
Member
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Hugs, Once. And willing you clear eyes and strength.

You don't have to pick between a closed door or a crack, remember. If he does the work, he can knock on that door and make it proactively something he seeks. You don't have to leave it cracked for him.

It helps to remember you get to determine what happens next. You don't have to build on hope and future potential. Choose what helps you NOW. If he chooses to offer you more, then wait for that offer and choose then. Don't pre-emptively open the door for him.


Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2013
OnceUponaDream
New Member
Member # 39354
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Reality, thank you. You're right. I don't have to decide the whole future now. Just the near future. And for the near future, there's no reason why I should let him in. If he wants in, he will need to do the work and if I see that happening, maybe I will let him in. Right now, I need to protect myself and my kids and do what's best for us. He sure wasn't looking out for us so somebody needs to.


Me: BW - 29
Him: WH - 29
Married 9 years
2 children, 7 and 10 months
D-Day: 10/19, 12/24, 5/28

Posts: 8 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Michigan
Topic Posts: 15