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Reconciliation
User Topic: not sure if i've done the right thing.
Titanium
Member
Member # 38866
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

WH has had the OW's phone number blocked in his phone for the past 3 months now. She has, to my knowlegde only tried once to send him a text message.

I rang her about this asking her what she wanted. She said she was drunk and angry and had things to
Say and also told me she didnt want to know about my H anymore. Had moved on. He hurt her blah blah blah.

There has been nothing since but i hate the fact that her number was visible to him. So last night i made a decision and told him to unblock and remove her number for good. He has a bad memory so i know that he hasnt memorised it.

He was happy to do this. I told him that if he does hear from her i would hope that he would tell me and i dont find out some other way. I then said i dont expect that he would hear from her. He said to me he cant see why he would hear from her, there is no reason for it.

It is so hard to trust. I feel as though she is gone forever now with that number out of my house but also that the guard is down. Have i done the right thing?


BS me 48
Him 45 NPD/SA fucktard
1 beautiful DS
M 20 yr T 24
DD#1 Jan 12
DD#2 Aug 12 LTA/PA with pond scum
Divorced....... :))
Shoot me down but I wont fall.
I am Titanium

Posts: 93 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
doesitgetbetter
Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

If she drunk dialed him recently, then what makes you think she won't do it again? Because she said so?

For the record, I have never unblocked any of the OW from my H's phones, emails, or any other way they had contact with him because I didn't care to dance with that fire.

At over 5 years out now, I STILL wouldn't unblock their info.


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I think whatever makes you comfortable is the right thing. I can see why you'd physically want her # out of his phone.

If you want to ease your mind, why not periodically check the cell phone records?


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37603 | Registered: Sep 2007
OptimisticWife
Member
Member # 36587
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I asked my H to get a new number which he did without hesitation. My problem was that when they took the A underground, she would call him at work. At the beginning of R, it was so difficult to trust that H would tell me if she called him at work but I had to. At first I asked him multiple times a day if she called. Now I don't need to ask at all. I've seen changes in my H that I never believed possible. I can now completely trust him to tell me if she ever contacts him.
We both still have her blocked on FB though. But if she really wanted to contact H that way, I'm sure she could make a fake account. I doubt she will but I feel like my H will handle it the right way if she does.

I can understand why you would want her number out if his phone. This could also be a good way to help build trust. You must feel some sense of trust to ask him to remove it. I hope it turns out to be something very positive and your WH uses this opportunity to show you he's changing for the better. All the best


Posts: 190 | Registered: Aug 2012
Titanium
Member
Member # 38866
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

I guess i am throwing caution to the wind a bit. 1. To show him i have just an ounce of trust and also to test him. 2. To see if anything does arise. So tired of it consuming my mind.

I did physically go and see her last year to get answers and so she could see who she was hurting. I intimidated her which was so empowering and told her some home truths about what was happening here at home. The dumb wench was believing everything my WH was telling her like that we dont have sex anymore.

This time when i called her she sounded different. I think she figured out it was all about him. She said he wants his cake and she is not interested in that. That he had also lied to her and hurt her and that she had deleted his number from her phone. I know he wont use his phone as he knows i can check the phone log regularly as i have busted him this way before.

He doesnt want to change his number. This pisses me off but she is blocked on FB. I have been told she has also moved house. He doesnt have the guts to see her face to face. He knows he has screwed her over too.

Not that i give a shit about her. She did apologise to me and this sounded sincere. She hoped that things would get better for me and my son. Perhaps she has seen the light. Maybe she wont go to hell now......but there is hope for that.

I will ask and check and would much rather have her blocked but hate the number being visual. I feel better now that there is not one tiny bit of her left in my home. He is behaving better after me recently telling him the things i will NOTtolerate and that our M would be final if i find anything.

Just hate the doubt and suspicion that is permantly inbedded in my mind after all the stellar lies he told me. I discovered SO much and cant fathom how he could have comfortably did this knowing full well that i knew it was continuing.

He told me last weekend that he is not proud of what he has done. Really wants our marriage to workand us be a family. How long does it take to start believing?

I cant allow myself as when i did this previously it turned out to be lies.

How do i know the difference? So confusing!

Thanks everyone for your support.
Hope you're all hanging in there.


BS me 48
Him 45 NPD/SA fucktard
1 beautiful DS
M 20 yr T 24
DD#1 Jan 12
DD#2 Aug 12 LTA/PA with pond scum
Divorced....... :))
Shoot me down but I wont fall.
I am Titanium

Posts: 93 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
OptimisticWife
Member
Member # 36587
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

My H never admitted anything about the A until I found things out on my own and took it to him. Even then, he tried to say his phone records had to be wrong and there was no way he had called OW or texted her hundreds of times. I felt crazy. I was calling the phone company and asking them if there was a chance their records were wrong
Of course I was going to question everything that comes out of his mouth after that.

I was able to start believing more in my husbands words when his actions started backing them up. I believe him more now because he is now saying things that he's never said before. I can see his growth and the changes in him as a man. I am believing what I see so believing what I hear is easier I think.

Keep verifying his words and actions until you feel comfortable to slow it down. His actions will determine how long that will take. Having said that, I don't know what I would have done if H wouldn't change his number.


Posts: 190 | Registered: Aug 2012
Titanium
Member
Member # 38866
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

Thank you :-) Starting to doubt the decisionni made to unblock her number from his phone. Hmmmm! I just dont want it visible and really cant rely on him telling me IF she makes contact. There hasnt been attempted contact from OW since early april.

She also said she gad deleted his number out of her phone. I must say she sounded pissed of and over it. So my way of thinking is that neither of them have each others number.

What a mind fuck!

Just wish he would change his number.

Grrrrrrrr


BS me 48
Him 45 NPD/SA fucktard
1 beautiful DS
M 20 yr T 24
DD#1 Jan 12
DD#2 Aug 12 LTA/PA with pond scum
Divorced....... :))
Shoot me down but I wont fall.
I am Titanium

Posts: 93 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 7