Just Found Out
User Topic: Contacting OW?
Member # 32858
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

If you did this, how did your WS handle it? I seriously want to text her and tell her to stop communicating with my husband. Good idea? Bad? Ugh. I'm just so sick.

Posts: 62 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 38310
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I did several times before she took him home to her bed. She didn't care. Fwh gave her my cell number so she could contact me. You can read " My Story". Pretty much tells what happened. I will never regret calling her or writing to her employer. But obviously she could have cared less until her employer was written to.

D Day May 27, 2012

Posts: 186 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Member # 38984
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I am getting ready to contact the OW in my situation as well. As soon as I tell him he needs to leave, telling her she is welcome to the lying cheat.

Silly Slut, husbands are for wives - get your own man B*tch!

Posts: 114 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

If OW is already aware she's an OW - it won't do squat. If anything it seems to amp them up. I contacted OW - told her if she texted my H again I would tell her employer she's buying and selling prescription drugs at work, I'd out her to her live-in bf and I'd call CAS (canada's CPS) to report her for getting high and supplying pot to her 15 year old self-harming daughter. It didn't do a damn thing. She continued to text H until he changed his number a month later.

Contact her H if you want to effect change. OW will just look at your contact as a challenge.

Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
Member # 39324
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I will not contact the OW or her BS. MY WH and I really have enough to deal with as it is. I know that this could be a hot topic and I want to explain my reasons and give a different perspective than many people on here. I don't need any more negativity surrounding my situation. I do not want to be responsible for the reaction that the OW or her BS will have towards my WH if he were to find out. I don't want to give the OW any more power than what she already sucked out of my WH. I believe that it is better for me to focus all of my energy on my M and off of the OW.

Dday 5-10-13
1 year + EA/PA (still TT)
Me- BW
Him- WH
M- 15 years
2 kiddos
Today's forecast is foggy with a chance of D.

"Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"

Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: hell on earth
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

Do not contact OW. She knows perfectly well what's going on.
However, do contact her husband, BF.
People knew, but they didn't bother to tell you. Would you have liked a chance to stop it early or prevent it? Or, even shorten it.
People (her "friends/family" knew my situation, I didn't get it until 4 years later. Not fun. One of them was a BS, go figure.

Contact the BS, give him evidence then cut them both off. Don't tell your WH you are doing it until after you reach BS.

In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!

Posts: 874 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

When I first found disturbing texts (before the A started) I confronted both her and my man (then BF, now H). Both assured me there would be no further contact. After DDay, I found out that their contact increased and they started sleeping together less than a month after they swore they would never speak again. They spent the next 6 months hooking up a couple of times a month. I talked to her after DDay also. She was accusatory, belittling and rude.
My H never told me not to. He also did t get upset when I did. However, it did not have the effect that I desired. Even after DDay, my H received texts from her for two months that he refused to reply to.

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

A lot of guys just LOOOOVE it when 2 women fight over them. REALLY feeds that ego that they need stroked in the first place. So for this reason alone, I wouldn't bother. You've been registered since 2011, so if she is still contacting him and he's still responding, then there are WAY bigger problems here than the OW.

If she's still contacting him and he's NOT replying, then get a new number asap.

DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
Member # 34131
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I contacted the OM.

Gave him a week to get back with me, or else.

After a week, I wrote him a letter and handed it to his wife.

He called me later, and confirmed what had happened, and apologized.

Then, his wife took the kids, house, and all of their belongings, and divorced him.

He should have returned my call in a timely manner.

What a Dickweed he was.

Me, BS-54
DD, 1/9/2011

Posts: 173 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 22930
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

I spoke to OW. She blame shifted and did not apologize. It gave me an insight into what type of woman she was and how low my husband had gone.

When my WH found out he made contact with her to see if I had upset her. He was more concerned about her feelings than mine. This was just another step backwards in our R but reading on this forum is par for the course. No contact = no more hurt.

I felt I had to get some idea of what she was like because I had not realized that the A was about my H not about me. I am glad I met her I now know the face of evil.

DD 6/6/08
Sep 5/8/08
R 16/12/08

Posts: 485 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Australia
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)

When we blocked the MOW's cell, she got another phone. That's when we went to a lawyer. He wrote a letter on my H's behalf telling her to stop contacting him. He enclosed a copy of the law she'd be breaking should she text/email/call/whatever.

So far, blissful silence. Sometimes you need to hit them over their puny heads with a hammer.

BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1042 | Registered: Mar 2012
Member # 32858
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

Thanks for sharing your stories. I've decided not to contact her.

This is a different OW than the one that was there when I registered 2 years ago. Pathetic.

Right now we are both in limbo- trying to decide what we want.

Posts: 62 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 38681
Default  Posted: 12:58 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

I contacted the OM.

Gave him a week to get back with me, or else.

After a week, I wrote him a letter and handed it to his wife.

He called me later, and confirmed what had happened, and apologized.

Then, his wife took the kids, house, and all of their belongings, and divorced him.

He should have returned my call in a timely manner.

What a Dickweed he was



[This message edited by Happydays at 12:59 AM, May 30th (Thursday)]

BH 33
FWW 32
DS: 3 year old.
Dday 10/14/2012
No remorse so:
Divorced 02/15/2013. No alimony, no CS, got apartment. Won all battles and mind games off the courts.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 3:09 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

Limbo is soul destroying, I'm sorry this is your second time around. I think you have made the right decision not to contact her. I thought about it but in the end didn't want to give them any reason to talk about me or invite either of them (ow and ex h) back into my life, I realised that my focus needed to be on me not either of them.

I hope you're doing as well as can be expected (())

Posts: 514 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

I contacted the other idiot. (This was based on what I had been told at the time, and that amount of TT angered me enough to get mad enough to call her disguised number in his contact book. It would have gone really bad for her if I had known the whole truth when I called.)
She would have had to gain IQ points to be as dumb as a brick. She didn't seem to comprehend my anger or understand that I really meant my threats, uhem, "promises", I mean. She asked that I tell WH that she said "hi!".
As far as I know, that Sloth and WH never had any contact again so maybe she did get scared. But then again, who knows-he lied and cheated.
Oh, and WH didn't seem to have an opinion about me calling- he was in panic mode.

[This message edited by SoVerySadNow at 3:35 PM, May 30th (Thursday)]

D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Member # 38866
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

I went to see the OW last year and found it empowering and liberating.

Told my WH. He didnt want to know about it. Good i said. I wasnt going to share what we spoke about. He was shocked i went there.

Just goes to show who has balls in this relationship. It told him that i have no problem in contacting her.

I have since just recently phoned her askingvwhy she has tried to make contact again. Not sure if i got the whole truth. Dont care really. She knows that i dont beat around the bush. She did apologise this time for what she did to me which helped me to let go a bit.

Told WH again he didnt want to know what we talked about. Wasnt going to share anyway.

I did this for me. I have no regrets and got some power back from it.
I never really knew how it was going to pan out. Didnt care. Just was protecting and fighting for something in my life that some filthy skank had no right too. I wanted her to feel MY energy and i accomplished that.

IMO its really up to what it is you need for yourself from making contact with the OP. It could go either way. The A was slowing down so perhaps my timing was right, not sure. But like i said i got enormous satisfaction from it. I intimidated and humiliated her with sheer class, style and grace......go me!

If you need to make contact be sure deep down in your heart and gut that you need to do this but only for YOU.

And dont give a rats what your WH thinks. He didnt think about you.

Best wishes on your decision.

((((Hugs to you))))

BS me 48
Him 45 NPD/SA fucktard
1 beautiful DS
M 20 yr T 24
DD#1 Jan 12
DD#2 Aug 12 LTA/PA with pond scum
Divorced....... :))
Shoot me down but I wont fall.
I am Titanium

Posts: 93 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Member # 26576
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

I couldn't contact the other women. They were just prostitutes. I wasn't mad at Them they were just making their money off of some old fool.
I believe that the blame should never lie on the OW/OM. They are not in a committed relationship with you, your SO is. Don't waste your time. Just get rid of the bum and move on!

BS (me) 47
WS (him) 70
Together 7 1/2 years
married 6 years
no children together
Happily divorced 1/29/13!

Posts: 111 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: got2go
Member # 39242
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

Oh but I replay over and over in my head what I would say to her. I will run into at some point, she works for my husband, and there are functions I attend, and she'll be there working.
I did e mail her the day I confronted my H. But I just told her I wouldn't contact her H. I told her I hoped no one ever hurt her as much as I was heart and to think long and hard why she risked so much, she has a young child.
Her H also works at the same place. My H told me she is still scared I will tell her H. Which means they are still in contact if he knows what she is afraid of.
So the answer is yes, I will be contacting the OW-and it won't be pretty

I am stronger than the storm.
I take every experience in my life, no matter how horrendous it was, as a learning experience

Posts: 67 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 18