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User Topic: Residential treatment tomorrow - needing support
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Concerned  Posted: 6:35 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

I have posted before about my DD14 and her struggles, and about the residential treatment program that accepted her. The time has finally come - she will be admitted tomorrow morning.

Although I am awash in conflicting emotions, in my heart I know this is what she needs. And what DS and I need, too. We need help and support to get DD the treatment, skills, and strategies to make her day-to-day life manageable, and for us to learn to support her.

DD is scared, anxious, a little excited, and more than a little angry. She's a hot mess, to be completely honest, and I don't blame her. This is a big terrifying leap away from her safe zone and into the unknown. And it's all out of her control. She will be living at the treatment center for as long as it takes to get her on track. It could be for the summer, it could be for a year. There's no way to know right now. Uncertainty is DD's kryptonite. This girl thrives on the concrete, the plan, the schedule - the known. In some ways, I feel like I'm pushing her off a cliff. A necessary cliff, but still.

If you are so inclined, please shine some SI comfort on DD. And if you have some to spare, DS and I could use a little as well.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

(((NIK & DD & DS)))

You've been such a supportive rock for so many of us here, that I hope you can receive the same support back from us. We're all here and rooting for you. I'm sure it will be tough, but, as you said, necessary. I know it will go well! But tons of love and hugs, anyway!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Dec 2011
MovingUpward
Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

Sending mojo and prayers.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52599 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 6:57 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

You know you're doing the right thing for all concerned. Be the mama bird and give that gentle but firm push.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20284 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Lucky2HaveMe
Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

The right things are not necessarily the easy things to do. Wishing you all peace through this time of transition.

HUGS!


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6556 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

(((NIK & DD))) Sending loving and healing thoughts to you...stay strong.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198282 | Registered: May 2002
abbycadabby
Member
Member # 27428
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

Hugs to you all. I hope that she settles into a routine there and finds a new normal where she can thrive, and that she learns what she needs for when she eventually leaves the program.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Feb 2010
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

(((NIKlet)))

(((NIK)))

I remember a few months ago you had a list of 4 or 5 things that needed to happen; this was a big one on that list. I'm glad things are moving forward, even if it's tough.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

(((Nik, DD, DS)))

Sending mojo, prayers, and positive thoughts.


Posts: 35870 | Registered: Mar 2011
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

((((NIK and family))))

The best thing isn't always the easiest. But you're a wonderful mom and person. Keep focused on the end results.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 3, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011


Posts: 1727 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

(((HUGS))) to you and your family NIK. I can only imagine how difficult this will be for her and you, but as you said this is something she needs and will benefit from greatly.

You know we're all here for you and ready to listen and give you plenty of (((HUGS))) when you need them


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

You are doing your *mom* job, which is not always easy.

My hope is that all 3 of you come through this experience much stronger people.

{{{NIK and family}}}


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8078 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
jrc1963
Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

Parenting is the hardest job you will ever have.

You have all my support, admiration and love... You're doing the right thing for HER and for your family.

Keep that in mind...

(((NIK, DD and DS)))


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24595 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

Sending both of you lots of courage and strength.

((NIK))


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17493 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

Sending it all your way.

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21071 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
veritas
Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

(((nik))) hugs and mojo


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10168 | Registered: Feb 2004
metamorphisis
Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

Sending all of you hugs and mojo. Tomorrow is a scary day for you all but hopefully things are only getting better from here on out



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44957 | Registered: Sep 2006
KeepCalm_CarryOn
Member
Member # 33374
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

((((NIK and family))))


You are not dealing with rational people or situations. Normal thought processes won't work...story of my life.

Me- BW, 28
Him- fWh, 34
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August


Posts: 2030 | Registered: Sep 2011
TrulyReconciled
Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

((((Comfort)))))


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21281 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, May 30th (Thursday)

MILLIONS of hugs to you.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8841 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
meaniemouse
Member
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

nik--having worked with kids and parents for many years in a variety of roles, one thing I know for sure--parents do their kids no favors by taking the easy way out. The easy thing would to be to let things stay the way they are, pretend everything is ok, that this is just a "phase" or that the problem will resolve itself. You and your daughter are taking an enormous, positive step in the right direction. You are quite possibly saving your daughter's life. It's painful, scary and I'm sure you'll wonder how both of you will manage. Most parents aren't willing to do the hard stuff and they and their kids often suffer because of it. You are doing the hard stuff--for all the right reasons. By doing so you are teaching your daughter an important lesson about strength, problem-solving and doing what's right even when it's scary. Both of you are incredibly brave. Here's wishing both of you love, peace, wisdom and strength to meet whatever challenges are ahead. And--the promise of looking forward to a day when all of this will be behind you. Hugs.


Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2126 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

(((NIK and family)))

Stay strong, mama. As an educator, I fully support what you're doing. I often see kids whose parents have their heads in the proverbial sand. They pretend that there isn't anything wrong, and then it's often too late to do anything. You're making the right choice not only for her but for all of you.

extra hugs:

(((NIK and family)))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
MissesJai
Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

(((NIK & family)))


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 5975 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

(((NIK & family)))

I'm proud to see that you're doing what you need to do for the best outcome for your family. I hope the transition goes as smoothly as possible. I work with individuals who have developmental disabilities. There are many who thrive on strict schedules and there is chaos if their schedule is slightly changed. While I haven't been through it myself, I can understand how difficult this is for yourself and your family.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4202 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

Lots of hugs to you and your fam, NIK.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6526 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
DeadMumWalking
Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

((((NIK & family))))

You are doing the right thing, I hope it works out for your DD.

Sending strength and mojo to you all.

((((NIK & family))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 25 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 30
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2606 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
sunandmoon
Member
Member # 10180
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

((NIK and family))

NIK-

You are doing the 100% right thing for all of you.

I worked for an organization that supports children and family (not as a caregiver- in Admin) and one of the groups I supported is and RTF. While she is heading in to the unknown it will quickly become all the things she craves and finds comfort in. Schedules, communication, consistency is paramount in a well run residential community. I pray that your DD has caregivers who are as talented and deadicated as those I worked with. I saw many many miracles. Kids that turned a corner and really found their best selves.

You and your DD will be in my prayers!

sunandmoon


Posts: 1635 | Registered: Mar 2006
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

Sending you and dd lots of strength....


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
stroppy_wanadoo
Member
Member # 11224
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

My warmest thoughts are with you... you are making a difficult but compassionate choice and giving her the greatest gift of all - your love.

(((NIK, DD and DS)))


Posts: 1037 | Registered: Jul 2006
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

(((nik and family)))

Posts: 3445 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
SoVerySadNow
Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

Prayers for you and your DD. Tonight will be tough- keep her in view- as they sometimes panic and try to go for a last binge. My son did that. And sometimes they try anything to talk you out of thinking they need to go. Stay strong.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

Thank you all for your wonderful words of comfort and encouragement. DD is doing ok so far after an anxiety-filled night of questions last night.

We are currently picking out books and pictures for her to keep in her room at the facility, and she's in a fairly positive place. She's ready for the Tourette's to be under control and the anxiety and OCD to ease up.

Her biggest concern is with learning how to handle her anger and defuse a situation before she builds up to an outburst. That is both a medical issue and a behavioral one, and will likely be the hardest to address.

Fingers crossed for the rest of the afternoon, as we're under a tornado watch, and severe weather is a major stressor for her.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

Sending hugs and a ton of support your way.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38013 | Registered: Sep 2007
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

My heart goes out to all of you.

All I can suggest is to keep showing and telling your daughter that you love her, visit as much as possible, and give as much emotional support as you can - to your daughter and to yourself. Remember this feels difficult because it is difficult.

And keep reminding yourself you can't predict the future. You can only hope for the best and do your best.

(((NIK & Family)))


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10352 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
HFSSC
Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

You are being covered with prayers and warm thoughts, NIK, you and your sweet dd. That's such a scary step to take, but one I know you aren't taking lightly.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2780 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
deeplysad
Member
Member # 16590
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

Sending lots of (((hugs))) to all of you


Me: BW - I'm much too young to feel this damn old
Him: FWH - Midlife crisis with a pathetic porn wannabe
D-Day: August 2004; Lots of false R until February 2005.

It takes all kinds of kinds....Miranda Lambert


Posts: 3245 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: So Calif
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, May 31st (Friday)

Thinking of you both today, sending strength and confidence.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, May 31st (Friday)

Hugs are prayers.

I admire the strength you have. It isn't always easy to do "the right thing".

Hope the day goes well.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Chrysalis123
Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, May 31st (Friday)

((((NIK))))) warm thoughts!


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2707 | Registered: Jan 2010
metamorphisis
Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, May 31st (Friday)

Good luck to you guys today! Thinking of you



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44957 | Registered: Sep 2006
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, May 31st (Friday)

Thinking of you - hoping the move goes well. (((NIK & family)))


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10352 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, May 31st (Friday)

I'm so happy that she is able to go somewhere that will address her needs. And I'm so glad that you see the wisdom of giving her that push toward gaining independence skills.

Thinking of you and your family today.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4684 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
jrc1963
Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, May 31st (Friday)

(((NIK and DD)))

Think of you today!


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24595 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, May 31st (Friday)

I hope things go well for you today and that your daughter learns the skills she needs.

Posts: 1734 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
imagoodwitch
Member
Member # 23375
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, May 31st (Friday)

Well????

How'd it go?

Is she settling in?

How are you doing?


I am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess - Liz Phair

Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.


Posts: 5441 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Munchkinland
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Just got back home. The intake went very smoothly. DD was nervous/excited this morning, but she handled her self extremely well. The staff we met were all wonderful, enthusiastic, friendly, and focused on DD. All good.

After a little time organizing her room, she told both me and wasband that we should go ahead and leave, gave us hugs, and padded off.

So she's there, she's somewhat comfortable, and I'm back home. And home seems rather quiet and empty.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, May 31st (Friday)

(((NIK)))

I will continue to keep your DD in my thoughts and prayers.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38013 | Registered: Sep 2007
wifehad5
Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Glad the intake went well


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37384 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, May 31st (Friday)

I hope your DD settles in comfortably, and I hope you can get some rest in between worrying about her..

Posts: 3419 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Lucky
Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, May 31st (Friday)

((( NIK & DD )))

Sending love and healing thoughts...


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, May 31st (Friday)

NIK, when's the last time you lived alone? How are YOU doing??


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Ama - I have NEVER lived alone. Ever. Came from a very large family (8 siblings), always had roommates in college, and then got married and had kids.

This is very odd for me, but it's also (understandably) welcome. I cannot remember the last time I was still. The last time I was ABLE to be still, both in mind and body. There has been no respite for so long, I can't recall what it feels like. I'm fairly confident I'm 180 degrees out of plumb at this point. And it's time for that to change.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, May 31st (Friday)

And to answer your other question, I'm doing ok. I am completely exhausted - mentally, emotionally, and physically. I'm settled at home for the rest of the day. No where to be and nothing to do, so I can just be.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
imagoodwitch
Member
Member # 23375
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, May 31st (Friday)

I'm glad it went smoothly and she shooed you out :)

Take it easy this weekend.


I am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess - Liz Phair

Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.


Posts: 5441 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Munchkinland
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, May 31st (Friday)

(((NIK)))

I'm glad it went well. Sending you good thoughts and strength.


Posts: 35870 | Registered: Mar 2011
metamorphisis
Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, May 31st (Friday)

(((((((((NIK))))))))))
I'm so glad the intake went well. Now it's time to take care of you and I bet you don't even know where to start. Do something really nice for yourself this weekend. Something you just love. It's a new start for everyone



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44957 | Registered: Sep 2006
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Now it's time to take care of you and I bet you don't even know where to start.
You are so right, meta. I'm kind of sitting around staring at walls at the moment. I plan to sleep sleep SLEEP as my first step. It's taking everything I've got not to go to bed right now, actually.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Well go to bed then! You've earned it...

I came home at 3:30 and decided to lie down on my new day bed. (A wee snooze before the Sting show tonight.)

Get some rest dearie.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17493 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 5:46 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

Do you have any idea how much time in the last few years I have spent just staring at the walls? I actually said that to one of my girlfriends during the aftermath of dday, when I was at my most exhausted point. She wanted me to get out of the house, go out, etc. and I just needed to cocoon, so I told her that all I really wanted to do was stare at the walls for a while. She thought I was off my rocker. I equate it to letting your mind process the same way it does while you sleep, but while awake.

Take good care of yourself.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 5:47 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

Ps are you visiting DD today?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

((Nik and kids))

I hope it's all good today also.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7765 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

I am planning to head up today for an "on campus" visit. I'll be calling her in a little bit to see how last night went and to schedule the afternoon visit.

After I see her, I may go see a movie. Or I may stare at the walls for a few more hours.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
metamorphisis
Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

Ugh.. big change always leaves me floating aimless. Then add in the fact that you've been a caretaker and on high alert for months and months. I can only imagine you don't feel tethered. New normal will come.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44957 | Registered: Sep 2006
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

(((NIK))) staring at walls is not a bad thing. we all need time to sit back and process, sometimes. keeping you and your dd in my thoughts.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12164 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

(((NIK)))

Please let us know how she's doing. You are a wonderful mom.


Posts: 35870 | Registered: Mar 2011
okaynow
Member
Member # 13813
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

(((Nik)))


Married 18 yrs, together 25+.
D-day: 2/18/07.
1 child
The story doesn't really matter anymore. Time is a great healer. Life is good.

Posts: 2432 | Registered: Mar 2007
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

I talked to DD on the phone this morning, and then spent some time with her at the facility this afternoon. She's doing ok. She said she cried a lot last night, but then they had donuts for their evening snack, and she felt better.

She was still very focused on how long she would be there and wanting to get out soon. I kept reassuring her that the key is to focus instead on working with the counselors, following the program, and working as hard as she could to make the changes she needs to make.She seems to understand that, but is still very concerned about how long she'll be away from home.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
jrc1963
Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

Sounds like she's a bit anxious and is perseverating on coming home. I'm sure as she settles in and her anxiousness decreases she'll start focusing on the work she has to do.

(((NIK)))


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24595 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
booger bear
Member
Member # 26584
Content  Posted: 8:28 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

(((DD & Nik)))

I worked in a treatment facility on the girls ward ... The staff was really awesome and really tried to connect and help the girls. Lot's of positive things came out of that place.

OTOH ... Holly shit it could be that many females and 99% of the staff was female in that ward ... Sometimes it was crazy. I mean I'm a girl and I remember how I was as a teen, throw a few dozen more, plus hormones, and all the dramatics ... That ward could get positively The thing that always amazed me was the staff and the way we could bring the girls together at the end.

She will be fine Nik ... Work her program, talk to her counselor or group, do her assignments, and do her very best to be Switzerland when all that "girl stuff" starts.

more hugs ((()))


I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18811 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: OK - Hot as hell here !!!!!!
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

Haven't been around, but remembered she was scheduled for the end of the month. I've been thinking of you and saying prayers. So glad the first day went as well as could be expected. Hope she settles in and focuses on her work...and you get some sleep... Naps are my hobby.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Hope24
Member
Member # 9344
Default  Posted: 6:20 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)

You are a great mom, Nik. Can''t imagine how difficult this is for you.


She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.

Posts: 7605 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Poolside
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Saw DD again today. She's very sad and weepy. Really wants to be home. She's got a brave face on and is saying all the right things about working hard and getting better, but the homesick is right below the surface.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
metamorphisis
Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

((((((((nik and dd))))))
I want to hug your sad and weepy girl and her sad and weepy mom.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44957 | Registered: Sep 2006
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

((((((NIK)))))) (((((DD)))))

Has she started her program yet? It is so hard to have the kids away... for any reason even summer camp (which they enjoy!).

Just think of all the new coping mechanisms she will have at her disposal when she does leave.

Hugs for your hurting heart.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

((((((((now)))))))))))


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

(((Nik and DD)))


Posts: 35870 | Registered: Mar 2011
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Has she started her program yet?
Not yet. She just entered the facility Friday, so the weekend has been about settling in and getting to know staff and other clients. The first two weeks are really spent in evaluation and observation.

She has a physical evaluation on Monday, will see her psychiatrist on Tuesday(the same one she's been seeing for going on 5 years - he's on staff at this facility), and will meet with her individual counselor this coming week.

In two weeks - on the 13th - they'll have her master treatment plan prepared to review with us. And then things start in earnest.

Thanks for the hugs. I really do appreciate them today.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

It's good to hear that her dr for the past 5yrs will see her Tuesday. A familiar face may help put her a little at ease. Sending you and DD HUGE hugs and strength.

Posts: 35870 | Registered: Mar 2011
girlsbird
Member
Member # 30877
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

All of my support, love and prayers to you and your family. (((((((HUGS)))))


D-Day 10/28/10..almost admission 7/10 Reconciled. I was the betrayed

Posts: 1203 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: arizona
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

A familiar face will (hopefully) help ease the homesick blues a bit. It sounds like everything is settling in for her to get all the help she needs. The waiting for things to begin is probably the hardest part of this.

Keeping you and DD in my prayers.

Sending hugs too.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

How are you today NIK? When will you get to see DD next?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
SoVerySadNow
Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

((((NIK))))
Its nice that you are getting to see your DD right away.
Thinking of you.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

I'm ok today, thanks.

I've set up a schedule with DD where I will visit her Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, but call her every day. Wasband will be seeing her Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and then both Saturday and Sunday as well.

I don't want to invalidate the "off topic-ness" of this thread, but two of the family goals that we set out during intake were
1. to encourage DD's independence while reducing her dependence on me, and
2. encourage DD's relationship with her father, so that upon her release, we can follow the visitation schedule we agreed to during the D.

There were several more family goals and a raft of individual goals as well. But those two specific goals are driving the visiting/calling schedule with DD.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, June 3rd (Monday)

Still thinking of you, daughter, and even of wasband (mainly WRT his keeping his commitments).

[This message edited by sisoon at 5:55 PM, June 3rd (Monday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10352 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, June 3rd (Monday)

I am amazed by your strength. Hoping you have gotten some sleep. Hugs !


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 85