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User Topic: I hate her name!
allfalldown
Member
Member # 39324
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

I absolutely fucking hate the name of the OW. I hear it everywhere...movies, tv shows, signs, etc. I want to do a roll call of OW names...but it is just a name and shared by thousands of other women. Will this hate go away?


Dday 5-10-13
1 year + EA/PA (still TT)
Me- BW
Him- WH
M- 15 years
2 kiddos
Today's forecast is foggy with a chance of D.

"Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"


Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: hell on earth
roughroadahead
Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

I hate the OW's name too. And it really was everywhere last year. Not only is it a name common in her generation, it is also an adjective. It was the name of a huge hurricane last year. Some may even say it was a superstorm. There was a terrible tragedy at an elementary school on the eastern side of the country, again with her name in it. I literally could not get away from it.

A year later, has it gone away? Some, but not really. It doesn't make me as angry as it used to, but i have a hard time using the word. I am working on detaching, and as that happens, that stupid whore's name stops mattering so much. She really is nothing.


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 739 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
SAR681
Member
Member # 36285
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

I physically tense up when I hear her name. Her name is not allowed in my house. She's known as either "Psycho" or "The Whore" depending on whether the person that I am talking to is in the know or not.


BW – Me, 32 FWH - Him, 33
Married 9 years, together for 14
3 Kids: 5 yrs, 3 yrs, 18 months
MOW - my "friend"
DD#1 – July 2012, admitted to an EA
DD#2 – 1/14/13, finally admitted to PA

http://endureevolve.blogspot.com/


Posts: 122 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Somewhere in Middle America
Offhispedestal
Member
Member # 32528
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

The hate does calm down quite a bit.
But you will ALWAYS flinch just a bit when you hear it. I'm sure you feel like its everywhere. I feel the same way too. It seems every time I watch any episode of a crime series like Special Vitims Unit, 48 hrs etc....
At some point I hear " they were murdered April 12, 2000. Or we watch the Vampire Diaries and one of the Characters name is April.. I have to see it and hear for one entire month. I have to see it on the cover of my iPhone ...yes it sucks


ME-44
WH-45
Married 24


2Beautiful daughters
DD 6/26/10 (he broke down & confessed)
DD#2 3/14/11 H in OW's car
TT 7/1/11 (NC broken, through emails)

In R


Posts: 639 | Registered: Jun 2011
LifeIsBroken
Member
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

I never refer to 'her' by her name; I have too many friends by that same name and I do not NOT! want to associate 'her' with them.... so I'm happy to just refer to her as the bimbo although she's hardly attractive - or, maybe she is if you like a female with man hands & man feet and a horse face.


BW: 59
XH: 60
Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
MOW: 50 (she said she wanted a sugar daddy; xh said, "I'M HIM!")
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 510 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri & Massachusetts
stilltrying2025
Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

Ha....mine is Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! Fucking Brady Bunch! I hear it all the time and I literally get sick to my stomach. I used to play a Brady Bunch slot game on Facebook but I won't any more because I would show clips of "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia"! Couldn't handle it. HUGE trigger for me. You are not alone by any means


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

I think my hate for the OW's name tapered pretty quickly because so many other people in my life who I care about have the same name.

FWH and I still have to go into explain mode if we refer to one of our same-name friends, but the bad feelings towards the name have definitely diminished.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17864 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
BW2639
Member
Member # 34875
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

I won't refer to him with his name; I usually just refer to him as " Rat Bastard"


married 21 yr
Reconciling

Posts: 175 | Registered: Feb 2012
JustForgave
Member
Member # 36038
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

I just call them c and m, because they aren't important enough to capitalize their names.


Me: 47
FWH: 40 (SI username: Bumbling)
DD: 11

DDay #1: June 9, 2012
Dday #2 (TT): November 29, 2012
DDay #3 (The BIG one, ALL the TT): March 30, 2013
False R: June 12, 2012 - March 21, 2013
REAL R: March 21, 2013 - present


Posts: 292 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Texas
Linus1968
Member
Member # 31243
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

I got lucky. Honest to God, the OM has the same first name as the man in those Direct Auto Insurance commercials. You know: Mr. Hightail (I will omit the first name to protect the OM's idenity). I see those commercial and laugh to myself...
Heck, who am I kidding. I tell everyone that is the name of my WW's BF.

You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact

[This message edited by Linus1968 at 10:36 PM, May 30th (Thursday)]


Me: Me
Her: Multiple men, multiple times, OC with the latest one
S: 16, D:14
May 27, 2014 DIVORCED!!!
In the words of Dory "Whew, I'm glad I got that off my chest."

Posts: 241 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Hell, and my X is the mayor (FL)
ok4now
Member
Member # 35896
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

Mine shares the same name as my BFF.


BS - 39 (me)
WS - 33
DD - 6
D Day - 6/2/11 EA (would have been a PA if the OW was game)
"I'm not going to be the person I am expected to be anymore"
Blue de Chanel Commercial

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Maryland
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

My ex's New Dad shares a last name with a major street in my city. I kin of had to get over the revulsion or I wouldn't have been able to go anywhere.

Posts: 1736 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
brokensunflower
Member
Member # 38674
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

yeah I hate the OW name too .. I just refer to her as homewrecking whore .. because that's just what she is ...


me 33
him 32
6 wonderful kids 12 yrs 8 yrs 5 yrs 4 yrs and 2 yrs ..and new baby
married 10 years together for 12 yrs
working on R

my give a damn is busted


Posts: 225 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: cold ohio
NoraLee
Member
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

Her name used to be a trigger - very common name...

At our first MC session, mc asked, "what will we call the affair partner?"
"Whore" was just about to leave my lips when H just blurted out her name. I made a face and rolled my eyes, but didn't make a big deal out of it...so we had to use her name every week for awhile... And it doesn't bother me anymore. I'm glad I did - I work in a school with 2 lovely ladies with the same name.


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
knolls
Member
Member # 39242
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

Me too!!!

She shares a name with a cheese. And the other day I was quiche and added said cheese, made me want to barf.

I hate condoms too. I was at a store tonight and there they were taunting me right in my face


I am stronger than the storm.
I take every experience in my life, no matter how horrendous it was, as a learning experience

Posts: 67 | Registered: May 2013
wontdefineme
Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 11:55 PM, May 30th (Thursday)

I did too, but I used it to his face so she was the person in the room with us not just some hateful word. It will hurt for a while, but it helped me, especially when I told everyone who she was.

Posts: 2175 | Registered: Mar 2011
mysticmoons
New Member
Member # 38861
Default  Posted: 12:07 AM, May 31st (Friday)

Her name has never been used in our conversations, its always been Whore. Lucky for me I dont know anyone else by that name, it is my good friends dogs name though. So now when I go to my friends house and see the dog I just leave out the "Y" at the end of the name...it helps


Me: 39 BGF
Him: 45 WBF
DD#1 02/06/13 Found 6 months of texts between him and my friend
DD#2 03/14/13 Found texting between him and a 24 year old he met at his gig
DD#3 03/17/13 confessed to BJ from bar SLUT
DD#4 03/18/13 Had sex 2X with bar SLUT

Posts: 27 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: mysticmoons
Markay81
New Member
Member # 39387
Default  Posted: 3:17 AM, May 31st (Friday)

For me its bar whore or gutter slut. My husband is many many names and at this moment none of them are nice.


Ugh! Sometimes reality sucks.
BS (me) 31
WH (him) 33
OW - married Bar Whore Rig Rat
Married 14 years
3 amazing kids
DDay-3/03/2013 TT.The whole truth came out(hopefully) 06/09/2013
Currently on the roller coaster of R.

Posts: 48 | Registered: May 2013
Betrayed67
Member
Member # 38134
Default  Posted: 4:31 AM, May 31st (Friday)

I hate the woman's name with a passion. When WH and I talk about the A, I refer to her as the SLUT and FILTHY WHORE. He always look down and embarrassed when that whore's name comes up.


Me-BW 46 yo;Him - WH 53 yo
Married 13years
One daughter together 9yo, 2 stepchildren(His from previous marriage)
Various DDdays (see my profile)
ONS and multiple "friendships" with women in various online dating sites

Posts: 131 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New Zealand
absolut
Member
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 4:36 AM, May 31st (Friday)

In my case her name is doubly annoying to me in that it's basically misspelled. You know how it's somewhat trendy now to give your kid a common name but spell it differently?
For example, Emilie instead of Emily or Jessyca instead of Jessica. Or Ashlee or something like that. So now I always give people with these sorts of names the side-eye.

Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
nolight
Member
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 4:46 AM, May 31st (Friday)

Haha! Me too, for a loong time. Now that I've moved on from him it doesn't have the same power over me now though.

Posts: 516 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
Brokenhearted49
New Member
Member # 39243
Default  Posted: 5:00 AM, May 31st (Friday)

I'm right there with you! she's my daughters Godmother so her name is entwined in our whole family. I never refer to her by name but rather call her "shewhoshallnotbe named" and to others than my kids, "Satan's Mistress". slut and whore just aren't bad enough for a person who is truly EVIL. She knew EXACTLY what she was doing and when my husband was the most vulnerable and alone. My H takes his share of the blame but she was just without any moral compass whatsoever....potentially harming my daughter who trusted her and loved her....the bitch. she manipulated all of us.


Me: 50
Him: 57
Together 26 yrs, married 23 yrs
2 stepsons ( which I've helped raise) 29 & 28 and our son , 21 and daughter 19
OW was daughters Godmother and my Best Friend and has NPD (severe case)
DDay: 5/7/13
Reconciling

Posts: 29 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Medway, MA
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 6:06 AM, May 31st (Friday)

AP#2 has the same name as my son. I did some investigating and found him on facebook. Not only does he have the same name as my sweet boy,but his dad has the same name as my WH,and his sister has the same name as my little girl.

W.T.F.

The first 24 hours after dday#1,I couldn't look at my son. I knew it was irrational. And,truth be told,I didn't look at anyone,I stayed in my bedroom..the kids went to his parent's for the rest of that week. I didn't treat my son any differently,but I couldn't look at him....and I couldn't say his name.

I told WH that I hated him(WH) for that. That he would choose an AP that had the same name as our son. That I couldn't look at my boy for a few days...because of the damn name.


Well...I got over that shit pretty quick. I adore my son. He is my favorite boy in the entire world,and I will not allow assfucker and dumbass to taint that in ANY way.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7697 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
BaldwinBeauty59
Member
Member # 35507
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, May 31st (Friday)

I hate OW's name too! For many months, every time I heard it, I would get so angry. It would literally ruin my entire day. Now, I flinch and it only ruins a few hours. Her name is NOT her legal name. It is a name she chose because she hates her real name. The bitch picked my middle name. So that hurts like hell. Her birthday is two days before mine so that has ruined my birthday for me. I will never be able to celebrate my birthday without remembering hers too. I am pissed that my FWH was not only stupid enough to cheat, but also stupid enough to cheat with a whore that uses my middle name and has a birthday close to mine. Those two things are like a branding iron on my heart. I wanted to have my name legally changed and remove my middle name but he wouldn't allow it. He insists that one day, the pain will go away and I will love my middle name again. I seriously have my doubts about that.


Me - BW (53)
Him - WH (56)
OW - skanky whore coworker
Married 33 years
DDay1 8/10/11
DDay2 8/15/11
DDay3 8/28/11
2 grown children
Status - in R

Posts: 978 | Registered: May 2012
SeeThingsNow1
Member
Member # 38241
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, May 31st (Friday)

so glad to see I am not alone in the hatred of a name...My daughter likes a food product at the grocery store that has the name emblazoned on the package...can hardly buy it even now,,,makes me want to throw up a little bit lol

Posts: 127 | Registered: Jan 2013
savvy
Member
Member # 39102
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, May 31st (Friday)

I am right there too! Absolutely hate her name with a passion!!!! Thankfully I don't know anyone else with that name. But she is an ex employee so when I had to do end of year paper work, guess whose name I had to keep seeing! I don't just hate the name I hste the person and I'm not a hateful person. But this person I truly hate!


me-BS (49)
him-WH (49)
2 children 21 and 19
Together 30 years
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: connecticut
savvy
Member
Member # 39102
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, May 31st (Friday)

I am right there too! Absolutely hate her name with a passion!!!! Thankfully I don't know anyone else with that name. But she is an ex employee so when I had to do end of year paper work, guess whose name I had to keep seeing! I don't just hate the name I hste the person and I'm not a hateful person. But this person I truly hate!


me-BS (49)
him-WH (49)
2 children 21 and 19
Together 30 years
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: connecticut
Sal1995
Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, May 31st (Friday)

I hate condoms too. I was at a store tonight and there they were taunting me right in my face

I felt that way at first, until I found out that my wife lied about her AP using them. The horror.

Sometimes I hate HER (my WW's) name.


Me (BS)-45, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1458 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
StrongerOne
Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Knolls, her name is Goat?


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 874 | Registered: Sep 2012
StrongerOne
Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, May 31st (Friday)

I still flinch a little when I hear the cOW's name -- very common name.

With my fWH I call her "Your Very Special Friend", since, you know, they were just such good friends.


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 874 | Registered: Sep 2012
cliffside
Member
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, May 31st (Friday)

The home wrecking whore my WH was with has a Mickey Mouse tramp stamp (seriously) so I call her "the mouse" .
We also have a problem with a mouse in our house so I can easily say "I want to kill that f'ing mouse" and it has multiple meanings.


Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 269 | Registered: Mar 2013
hopelessorfull
New Member
Member # 38651
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, May 31st (Friday)

I hate her name too-it's common enough that other people I encounter have that name too-of course she spells it in a trashy way! It was also amusing to me to find out that it is the fourth most popular name for porn actresses! But actually, I call her Blanche, for Blanche DuBois in A Streetcar Named Desire, as she too depends on the kindness of strangers!

Posts: 4 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: USA
gutpunch33
New Member
Member # 36484
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, May 31st (Friday)

FIL, BIL and Nephew all have the name....

Posts: 26 | Registered: Aug 2012
Tripletrouble
Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, May 31st (Friday)

I refer to my WHs AFF collection as the low rent skanks.

And also my real name is one of those mentioned and I'm not a whore I promise.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
MissD
Member
Member # 39377
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Agreed, the name makes me cringe when I hear it. I hope it makes WH flinch too every time another friend of the family with the same name stops by. Like 2 weeks ago when the good friend stopped by and my DD yells out, "hey mom Marcia's here!" the look on his face, priceless.

Posts: 70 | Registered: May 2013
allfalldown
Member
Member # 39324
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, May 31st (Friday)

I love all of these awesome responses...thank you for making me feel a little less crazy. I didn't know that was possible. I want to fist bump all of you


Dday 5-10-13
1 year + EA/PA (still TT)
Me- BW
Him- WH
M- 15 years
2 kiddos
Today's forecast is foggy with a chance of D.

"Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"


Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: hell on earth
knolls
Member
Member # 39242
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Knolls, her name is Goat?

Thank you StrongerOne for the chuckle..


I am stronger than the storm.
I take every experience in my life, no matter how horrendous it was, as a learning experience

Posts: 67 | Registered: May 2013
HurtButHopeful?
Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 12:07 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

I don't hate her name. My counselor, whom I respect and appreciate, has OW's name...only she spells it normally. OW spells it stupidly ______with an "i" instead of a "y." I guess I hate how OW spells her name...it looks childish.


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
UndecidedinMA
Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

Yep right with you. She is the name not spoken in our house.

I just lovingly refer to her as "DBC" translation = DrugBag C(guess )


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, June 3rd (Monday)

It's common. Karen. Karen. Karen. The name of a beloved Aunt, plus a neighbor, and at least 5 fb friends with the same name. I have NO problem saying their name bc I really like them. They would never hurt me.

We refer to her as AP or the Affair Person. He said her name once and I very quickly said, "don't ever say her name around me again."


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2463 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, June 3rd (Monday)

Her name is my confirmation name so it make me want to vomit. My kids like to call me full name sometimes and it always prompts a "trigger" and a dirty look to my FWH


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1207 | Registered: Apr 2013
openedupmyeyes
Member
Member # 27871
Suspicious  Posted: 5:30 PM, June 3rd (Monday)

Me too. Always have since my childhood. My h ap has the same name of childhood bully. Till one hot summer night. I couldn't take her tauntings anymore. We fought and a rush of hatred made me put that heffer in a trash can. Body slammed her. I did the same thing figuratively to my h ap.


Me:53 BS
Him:53 FWH Trying to make me a believer?
Years married:35
:03-01-10: The day I learned the truth
Kids:Daughters 4 all grown and married.
Reconciliation is hard.
Really freakin' hard.

Posts: 765 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: The Great State of Texas
Topic Posts: 42