This has been such a bad week. I think that the only path left is for me to heal alone.
I have tried to be so patient and supportive. He will give nothing. Last night he told me,"if I had know what she was really like I never would have gotten involved with her" WTF! He has no clue.
Had my IC tonight who is also our MC. He is asking me if I really want to live the rest of my life like this.
H keeps telling me I am making no progress. Giving him no hope. He will show no remorse but expects me to be happy and get over it.
Tonight he proceeded to get drunk, took my phone and started looking through it. I don't care, I have nothing to hide. What did make me angry was the stupid texts he sent to my former boss, who has just been diagnosed with ALS, at 10:30pm. I have to face the facts. Accept that he has never been a good man and probably never will be.
I am scared to start over, crazy as it may seem. I do know that if I do not get out I will just be hurt over and over again.
It isn't only the affair, although that is enough to crush anyone. It is the years of abuse, yes it was abuse. Verbal, emotional, cruel.
I deserve a life without fear. A life without stress at home, extreme stress, make you sick stress.
So sad, I just never thought life would be like this. I always believed that if you were kind, thoughtful, loving it would be returned to you. I was the fool.
"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
attempted R, it was all a lie