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Reconciliation
User Topic: Is this how it is? Where's the fanfare?
Flatlined123
Member
Member # 35862
Question  Posted: 12:19 AM, May 31st (Friday)

I find myself asking tht question a lot. We've doing well. Things are good.

I don't know, maybe I expected some magical music, sun pouring down, choir singing, earth moving moment. R has crept up on us slowly...and I do mean slowly...but we've made it.

I was waiting for some big moment. DDay started this whole thing so dramatically, but R came so quietly. I snuck up on me and I'm almost as amazed.

The one thing I ind is that I kinda feel like I'm waiting for something bad to happen. It's been so bad for so long this is hard to believe.

It's very hard to get used to all the "new normals" that infidelity brings into your lives.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 652 | Registered: Jun 2012
webmistress
Member
Member # 29816
Default  Posted: 12:27 AM, May 31st (Friday)

I've even waiting for myJerry McGuire moment too, but I'm starting to think that's unrealistic


Me: BW-42
Ex-WH: 34
Married: 6 years
DDay #1: 10/5/10, one week before our daughters 4th birthday
D official 2/23/11
DDay#2: 10/20/12, after 8 months of false R
OW: Delusional, stupid whore; OC officially XH's
In R

Posts: 1355 | Registered: Oct 2010
IGaveItMyAll
Member
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 1:57 AM, May 31st (Friday)

that's funny. I have felt the same way. Almost like I wanted a switch to flip and we had the most amazing married life, happy, loving, intimate, wild sex life, adventurous and fun life. In the past month I realized all those are things we have to work to create and really connect/understand each other in order to obtain it. SUCKS!!!


ME-BS 34
FWW-28
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12
R

Posts: 331 | Registered: Mar 2013
AFrayedKnot
Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 5:24 AM, May 31st (Friday)


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2527 | Registered: Aug 2012
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, May 31st (Friday)

Yeah, eventually R is just marriage with a sticky note on it.

WAL recently said something that stuck with me:

"I had a great marriage" is the consolation prize for those who can't say "I lived an awesome life". Maybe you score it differently. That's okay if you do.

and that marriage shouldn't be hard work unless he's getting a check, with caveats about not being a selfish turd monger.

I would disagree about the work part, but that's because I don't consider marriage to be some kind of third entity or plot of spiritual real estate. If there is any real estate there than marriage is just the legal documentation about how the inhabitants will behave on the property.

Marriage comes down to two people and their life together. The quality of character of either will influence the life of the other. I think that gets tangled up with cause and effect, and it's easier to say The Marriage because responsibility is shared out like diaper duty, but the fact is that we can't share out personal responsibilities.

So you can work hard on yourself, hell both spouses can, but if you don't take a break with each other now and then you'll just be exhausted. Adventure and excitement are part and parcel of a Jedi lifestyle, fuck Yoda. You want to be a Jedi you need to go out and dick with the force, make that rock float. Waiting for it just leaves you pissed off staring at a rock. Being married means having a romantic companion who will tell you to just pick the goddamn rock up already so you can go make out in an abandoned furniture store while there is still time on the babysitter's clock at home.

That was supposed to go somewhere.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7337 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 5