Just Found Out
User Topic: Warning Signs
Member # 34030
Default  Posted: 12:30 AM, May 31st (Friday)

Looking back now, what were the warning signs that you ignored that indicated that your spouse had an affair?

And once the storm is over, you wonít remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you wonít be the same person who walked in. Thatís what this stormís all about.Ē

Posts: 874 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Somewhere in the South
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, May 31st (Friday)

Unfortunately I had no warning signs. Everything was the same up until the day I left him. He never changed the way he acted towards me....he just wouldn't give his "friend" up.

The only thing I noticed over the 6 months is his libido dropped significantly. It was because of me; his OW lives 2 hours away and I would know if he went to see her at that time.

Focus on YOU! No expert here but there is awesome advice here and the best support ever; even if you need a 2x4 up against the head!

Chin and head deserve it!

Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, May 31st (Friday)

A very grouchy, detached,hyper- critical depressed acting husband.

He wasn't going out all the time, he wasn't working out, dressing better etc.

He was the grouch on the couch.

Not interested in doing anything with me or our children. He was drinking heavily.

I had no clue that those traits were descriptions of a cheater.

Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA

Posts: 3163 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 1:06 AM, May 31st (Friday)

Funny thing, opposite things from both WH's

-becoming more detached, less talkative
-being out more
-taking more care of his appearance
-making elaborate excuses for his absences for family get togethers

Current WH:
-talking more and more on the phone
-acting nicer and buying me things more
-getting upset that I was suspicious and didn't trust him
-making elaborate lies and excuses for any red flags that I had
-promising he would NEVER do that to me
-being physically there, but not emotionally there with me and the kids
-sometimes being very moody for no reason (now I know because he was having an argument with OW)
- saying that WE did something or went someplace where I know we didn't.
- not calling me when away and getting angry at me if I was upset about this

I'm sure I could think of more

Posts: 1947 | Registered: Jan 2010
Member # 39073
Default  Posted: 1:10 AM, May 31st (Friday)

I can't remember if he always erased computer history and phone messages but he has done it for a long time. He says he likes to keep things cleaned up. Its possible but I know now that he erased email messages he sent to OW. (he forgot to erase messages she sent back with his original messages connected to them though.)

I remember thinking...if I didn't know him better, I would think he is having an affair. This was mainly because he was getting up so early to go to McDonalds and going to McDonalds after work. He rarely talked about anything besides the weather. At home he was on the computer constantly. I hadn't thought about an Long distance emotional affair though.

We have a lot going on with our kids and he doesn't like conflict. Yet, if I took the initiative to come up with a way to handle something, he would knock it down. Yet, he did not bring anything else to the table. We fought a lot about that. I see now that after our fights he would email OW for comfort and validation.

He was interested in going to his High School Reunion in the midst of all the family stuff and we had to cut short our visit to my family (when we went to a pretrial for the drunk driver who killed my brother and his son) so that he could go. He had never been interested before. He graduated in 1972 and was not really involved in anything in High School.

I felt more and more that he wanted me out. He worked harder to connect to our adult children yet he pulled away and criticized my relationship with them. i felt like the outcast of the family. We really needed to set limits on drugs, drinking and sex in our home yet he would not back me up.

I asked him is there was someone else because he was so emotionally cold to me and was saying things like "I never really loved you the way a guy should when he marries her." "I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a marriage like this." "We need to go our separate ways so we can be the people we were born to be."

My husband has always been self-centered, emotionally distant, and a people pleaser (except with me...I get to be the sacrifice so he can say yes to everyone else). However, he would appoligize and promise to "grow." That stopped completely. He became mean, critical, and ice cold. That was the difference.

Me - BS (53) Him-WS(58)
Her OW(55) HighSchoolGirlfriend
Together 30 years Married 28 Kids 24,21,18
D day Feb 26 2013 after 20 months
D day March 4 they met again "to say goodbye"
D day April 2 found out about secret email

Posts: 188 | Registered: Apr 2013
New Member
Member # 38601
Default  Posted: 3:12 AM, May 31st (Friday)

oh yes, the "i love you, but I'm not in love with you any more" ,
the maybe we need to separate.
for awhile
the no there is no one else.
the texting to a friend...
the have to go in to work early
the had to work late.
the i need some space.
i knew there was something going on,but the lies, the bullshit, the whole damn thing was a scam toward me, just tell the truth, and leave !!!

Posts: 22 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: p.a.
Member # 37932
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, May 31st (Friday)

With a SA you look back can clearly see just how much their acting out affected your whole marriage
The more he got into porn, the less sex he wanted. Then came the whores. Less and less sex for over a year or more, even before the whores. He was wasting all of his sexual energy on meaningless fantasies.
He would have times when he seemed like my old H and I would think things were getting better but it never lasted.
He was very depressed, very stressed and overly involved with his job at the time.
He works from home a lot and was spending most of his time on his laptop.
He had gotten to where he would snap at me and say really hurtful thngs, which he had never done before.
He was distant, I would try and discuss how there was something seriously wrong with our M over and over and he would say he was stressed, didn't see it, etc, etc.
He would blame the lack of sex on being stressed from work or us never having time alone. We have one grown son at home and one teenager, it's not like we have small kids running around and I would say, well at night you lock the door and have couple time!
I knew he was probably cheating, but had no proof at the time. Turns out the majority of the lack of sex came from his extreme addiction to porn that he was lying and hiding from me.
He had no interest in me or the kids lives anymore, he would often say he was so stressed he had nothing left to give anyone.
Short version is, he acted like a different person from the one I had lived with for 20 years, but he didn't do any of the stereotypical things like caring more about his appearance etc, because he cheated with whores, who cares what you look like to them?

ME-BS 48
WS is SA, multiple visits to prostitutes.
Status: Hanging in there

I would rather be told a hurtful truth than a comforting lie.

Posts: 559 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: NC
Member # 35507
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, May 31st (Friday)

I was really slow to realize that he was having an A. Anytime I got suspicious and asked him, he would deny it and try to make me think I was crazy. Now looking back at all these signs, I realize that I was burying my head in the sand. How could I have been so stupid for so many months? Why did I constantly reject the notion that he was cheating? At times I felt like I was losing my mind, I stayed confused and he made me feel so guilty. Here are some of the things that went on before I finally got my head together and discovered his A:

He stopped having sex with me.

He ignored me. Acted like he could barely tolerate my company.

He didn't want to touch me. He wouldn't hold my hand anymore and I wasn't allowed to sleep near him in our bed.

He told me that his feelings for me had changed.

He was angry at me and blamed me for everything. At times he acted like he hated me.

He started drinking Vodka heavily. He drank every single night to the point he passed out. We argued about it constantly.

He started grooming his privates and having me shave his back. I asked him why did he suddenly need his back shaved after all these years since I was the only one to ever see it. He never gave me a straight answer. Just that he didn't like having a hairy back.

He bought new clothes and dressed snazzier for work. He lost weight.

He kept making me leave our home and go visit our family.
He made me feel guilty if I refused and told me I was a bad mother and grandmother for not wanting to spend time with them. I got tired of going out of state for a week or two every month.

His cell phone was glued to him. He took it to bed with him and to the bathroom. It never left his side. He hid it when he showered.

He would text and swear he wasn't. Claimed he was reading articles on his cell phone. He tried to make me think I wasn't seeing what I was seeing.

His female coworker was calling him 24/7. He claimed it was work related. I said if she is that stupid and cannot do her job without constantly needing your help even at 6 am on Sunday mornings and midnight on Saturday nights then she needs to be fired. I said no way does someone work that many hours. He swore she did and it was all innocent.

He started going to another room or outside to take phone calls.

He would go outside or the bathroom at restaurants to take phone calls.

He would leave his seat at the movie theatre and go out into the lobby to take phone calls instead of waiting until the movie was over. This went on at EVERY movie we went to.

I saw him text her in front of me but couldn't read the words only her name and then he immediately deleted it. I asked why he deleted the message and he said it was work related and that he deletes all his work related text.

Large amounts of money was missing every month that he refused to account for.

He kept $800 to $1000 cash in his wallet all the time where in the past, he NEVER kept any money. He always used his ATM card for purchases. He never spent that money while with me. He always used his ATM card and if I questioned him, he would scream at me and it would blow up into an argument. He never answered my questions.

Even though he had a company credit card, he used our ATM card for business "expenses" and then got reimbursed but always cashed the checks and never returned the money to our joint account. Once when I questioned him if he remembered to get the check for a business expensive he started screaming and yelling at me in public for asking him about it.

He started "working" late most days.

He was never hungry when he got home at night and never wanted to eat supper. He told me not to cook supper anymore as he wouldn't eat it.

He started "working" a lot of weekends.

He stopped allowing me to come to his job to pick him up for lunch. Instead he insisted on meeting somewhere.

He said he had to go on a business trip for Memorial Day weekend starting that Friday morning (four days off) with his boss to entertain their customers at an exclusive beach resort spa at a major tourist beach city in Florida. He wanted me to go out of state again to visit family for the holiday. I insisted on going with him instead and he became angry and started screaming at me. He said wives weren't allowed. I told him that I did not believe that his boss would be paying for a trip for ALL of their customers to a beach resort on a holiday weekend. It was way too expensive and it didn't sound right. No one would want to be away from family on a major holiday and go on a business trip and the cost would be astronomical for his company. He told me I was trying to ruin his job and get him in trouble. I refused to back down and told him I didn't believe him and wanted him to call or email his boss in front of me to confirm the trip and he refused. He canceled the trip and told me that I had interfered with his job.

He started talking about how unhappy he was and how much stress he was under at work and he thought he would be better off not being married anymore. That he needed to be alone so that his stress level wouldn't be as high due to his job. So I said, you will pick your job over your wife to relieve stress? He said yes.

He started telling me how he knew I could support myself if we divorced and that he would help me financially. That he hoped I realized that after 32 years of M that he would not abandon me after a D but would give me money to help me get on my feet.

After reading all of this again, I am starting to believe that I must be crazy not to have realized he was having an A earlier.

Me - BW (53)
Him - WH (56)
OW - skanky whore coworker
Married 33 years
DDay1 8/10/11
DDay2 8/15/11
DDay3 8/28/11
2 grown children
Status - in R

Posts: 978 | Registered: May 2012
New Member
Member # 38861
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, May 31st (Friday)

Thinking back...
There was one clue that should have woken me up right away, but it didn't. One night the sex was different and degrading. He was rough with me and saying things like take that you little slut. He also put his hands around my neck like he was choking me and holding me down, he didn't hurt me physically and he never would. I was clueless at the time and thought that maybe he was acting out some porn or something. After finding out about his cheating with the bar slut, I thought about this incident and realized that it happend the month that he was seeing her.

Me: 39 BGF
Him: 45 WBF
DD#1 02/06/13 Found 6 months of texts between him and my friend
DD#2 03/14/13 Found texting between him and a 24 year old he met at his gig
DD#3 03/17/13 confessed to BJ from bar SLUT
DD#4 03/18/13 Had sex 2X with bar SLUT

Posts: 27 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: mysticmoons
Member # 30038
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, May 31st (Friday)

He was wearing new shirts. Using the excuse he bought them, "A while back..."

This man never bought his own clothes, and not at the price those ($80)shirts would have cost.

And...he came home with a new set of PING Anser golf clubs saying he got a good deal on them. Yep she bought them for him -- a $1,400 gift.

Posts: 670 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: U.S.
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, May 31st (Friday)

Let's see:

1. He stopped talking to me
2. He became short tempered with our DD
3. His phone gave the appearance of being surgically attached to his hip
4. He was constantly on the computer doing "music" stuff
The most telling of all?
5. He decided that he wanted to grow his hair (what little he has of it) so that it looked like it did in college. The MOW was an old college friend.

"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 407 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, May 31st (Friday)

1. Sex was a chore. He wouldn't say it but you could hear the huff, puff and eye roll if I had to have it. He never initiated.

2. Phone was glued to his hand everywhere. He even has a special case so he can take it in the shower...and he did.

3. Anything asked by myself or DS was a huge inconvenience and infringement on "his" time.

4. He would bait me into arguments about DS.

5. He would bait me into talking about how bad our M was literally out of the blue. Such as "I just don't think you're happy with me, maybe you should leave and D me." I guess to make it "not his fault."

6. He came home from "work" one night and immediately showered. He never in our entire relationship did that. I even point blank asked if he was cheating on me that night and he denied it to my face.

I'm sure there are more, but here's the sample list.

Just call me Heart. :)
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, May 31st (Friday)

I guess when he shaved all the hair off his privates, that should have been a big clue, but silly me, believed him when he said the hair made his d$%& hot.

M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, May 31st (Friday)

I guess when he shaved all the hair off his privates, that should have been a big clue, but silly me, believed him when he said the hair made his d$%& hot.

M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Sorry, double post!!!

[This message edited by TrustGone at 4:13 PM, May 31st (Friday)]

M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
New Member
Member # 39410
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Rejection of attempts at intimacy.

Complaints of lack of intimacy.

Rejection of attempts at sex.

Complaints of lack of sex.

Not returning texts or phone calls.

Love but not in love.

Need by WS to feel "wanted"

WW Showed up at OP house for "tea party" with OP daughter but never told me where she was all day.

WS was supposed to go out with the girls and just happens to stop by the bar and takes OP with her to the club.

[This message edited by didiknow at 5:21 PM, May 31st (Friday)]

Me-BH (38)
Her-WW (27)
M Aug 29, 2010
D-day May 25, 2013
A #1 June 2012
A #2 Late 2012-May 2013
No matter what "new" information you find out, it's all just part of the same iceberg, hidden under the surface.

Posts: 50 | Registered: May 2013 | From: wa
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Not returning texts or phone calls.

Oh I forgot this one! He was too busy texting/talking to all his AP's. Take him a matter of seconds for them, hours sometimes for me. If I mentioned slow response time, I was being "controlling"

Just call me Heart. :)
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Spent a lot of time on his phone/tablet.

Started sleeping in our spare bed so his snoring didn't wake me up.

Excessive porn (even after we had just has sex).

Mood swings.

Seemed off in his own world, not really present when at home with the kids.

Offered to take me shopping (out of guilt).

*sign*. I could go on and on and on. I wish I had paid more attention back then, maybe it wouldn't have been such a shock.

Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 465 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 39019
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, May 31st (Friday)

You know it took time for me to connect because dday was much delayed due to TT...but looking back it was when he told me he was having doubts at about the 5 year mark of our marriage because he felt a "need" to have a child with me and couldn't. He knew when he met me that I was no longer able to have children and when he asked me to marry him I talked to him about concerns that would become an issue as we were both in early 30s and he had a single child with his first wife. I was devastated at the time and suggested we look into surrogacy options to see if it was something we could even come close to affording. It didnt even cross my mind that it was because of a A with a younger woman. I was so wrapped up in the pain of feeling inferior as a woman and wife in the moment.

Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don't expect it from cheap people.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Me=BW 45
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Oh I forgot this one! He was too busy texting/talking to all his AP's. Take him a matter of seconds for them, hours sometimes for me. If I mentioned slow response time, I was being "controlling"

This, this, this.

The feeling of checking phone records, of seeing the sheer volume of texts to them, versus to me was devastating. And texting them freaking late into the night! The time I checked, with him sitting next to me, he practically ripped the keyboard from my hands and said that knowing "would only hurt me."

Also, he started making a big production of coming and giving me a kiss on some weird timed schedule to show he was being "attentive."

[This message edited by Reality at 6:40 PM, May 31st (Friday)]

Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 38839
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Rejection of attempts at sex.

Complaints of lack of sex.

^^^ That was the biggie for me too.

At some point he also started putting a password on his phone but he's always been a nut about privacy so that didn't bother me... He was paranoid too, said weird stuff, but you know how it is -- you intentionally blind yourself from things that could hurt you until they get thrown right into your face.

I also have a really strong intuition and I was literally having visions but I told myself I was crazy. Won't ever do that again!


Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 37543
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Oddly besides maybe him being on his phone texting more often I didn't really see any warning signs but I knew in my gut something was absolutely wrong. I was pregnant at the time and kept telling myself it was just the hormones. One night at 4AM, I snuck out to his car and tore it apart looking for evidence. It wasn't until months later that he left his wallet at home he went to work and I found a computer SD card inside the wallet that I watched and saw him receiving oral sex on video that it really hit me. Sometimes there just aren't blaring warning signs.

D-Day October 18th, 2012 D-Day2 October 5th 2013
4 kids 12,11,7, 1 and one sweet little newborn

Posts: 112 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: MA
Member # 38681
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

There were many, but, I never could look at them from infidelity angle.

I thought initially, me being out of the country due work and a little DS in his terrible threes had changed the family dynamic and I had to catch up.

She was so busy on the phone and I knew she had tremendous work pressure ( false projection by exW)
So it was easy for me neglect her constant being glued to the phone.

OM used to drop her home everyday, I thought some kind bloke from the office is helping her out after a tough long day at work.

I thought her work pressure and DS was making her drive to mood swings and my presence made her hate me somehow.

Basically she had laid the groundwork to never get caught.
I thought it was matter of time, that her work load reduces and she becomes normal again.

Well, turns out there was no work load AT ALL.
They used to get out of office at 5-6 pm and loiter around the city. Checking out new eateries, malls, parks and of course OM's pad.

BH 33
FWW 32
DS: 3 year old.
Dday 10/14/2012
No remorse so:
Divorced 02/15/2013. No alimony, no CS, got apartment. Won all battles and mind games off the courts.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 34246
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

There were no warning signs. Nothing. No lipstick on the collar, no texting, no cell calls, no new underware, no receipts, no late nights. Nothing.

Just telling me he loved me every single day for 30 years.

What there WAS, was an OW for two decades, an OC and a completely separate other life.

Posts: 68 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: USA
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

I got ILYBINILWY. He acted like an asshole throughout and before the A. He was distant. When we had sex, he was angry and aggressive.

Posts: 308 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

- he joined a gym because he 'wanted to look attractive'(obviously not for me)
- he'd only go to the gym in the evening after the children were in bed so he knew I couldn't check up on him
- his phone was attached to him, password protected, or hidden.
- he was bad tempered towards me and the kids
- he 'worked late' just about every night and wouldn't get home until 8pm.
- argumentative and cold
- told me the usual 'I love you but I'm not in love with you'
- during false R, he wanted to do certain things during sex that we hadn't done before. He was rougher and made me feel like an object, he only cared about his own 'conclusion'
- constantly criticized me and berated me for being 'selfish' and making everything 'all about you' if I dared to question anything he said or did.
- took photos of himself on the webcam (I found them in the Recycle Bin - idiot), just head and shoulders, some without a top on. When I asked him about them, he said 'they're nothing, I didn't upload them anywhere!'
- was always looking up female school friends on FB (OW2 and OW3 were ex high school friends)and said he was just being friendly and accused me of being antisocial.

Me 46
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS11 & DD7)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 180 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 39393
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

Phone always attached to hip.
Constantly playing on phone
Worked out of town, data usage on phone skyrocketed. When he came back, I noticed he had taken a penis pump with him. ???
"my back hurts. I can't go to church today." kids and I get back from church and miraculously, his back is better and he has to go do some errands. (via discovered text message, he was purchasing a prostitute instead)
Mood swings
Friends telling me they heard or thought they seen him with another woman. But never real evidence.
Lots of porn.
Found Bag full of crazy weird sex toys.
Very secretive
Lots of lies that seemed insignificant. YOu know, saying he was one place but was actually somewhere else. Like going to grocery store but went to a drug store instead.
Always broke. Never have any money.
My lesson- should have snooped more. I thought I was being respectful of his privacy. Well, I was, but it wasn't worth it.

Married 11/11/11
Together since 3/2005
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
God keeps the devil on a short leash. God will never give you more than you can handle.

Posts: 111 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Athena1979
Member # 24753
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Yes, my gut! There were no particular behaviors that I can put my finger on but I had a nagging feeling in my gut that something wasn't right. I didn't confront or speak to my FWH about it until the nagging instincts got the better of me and I started investigating... and found the truth. My advice to anyone who is being nagged by their gut.... PAY ATTENTION, CHECK IT OUT, DON'T WAIT!

** He did seem to have an unhealthy attachment to his cell phone, and I think that's when my gut started nagging me**

[This message edited by CryingGreenEyes at 7:45 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)]

"The truth shall set you free... but first it's really gonna piss you off!"
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house you can never tell."

Posts: 1573 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: United States
Member # 37583
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Yes to the post above me!!!! YOUR INSTINCT!!!!! Trust it

Me: 30, BS
Him: 30, WH
Married: 1 year, together for 7 years
1st child due in Sept 2013
DDay: 09/02/12, 09/22/12 admitted to EA ,false R, then 06/02/13 found out about PA & EA with same woman (OW is a coworker)
Hoping for R

Posts: 72 | Registered: Nov 2012
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

All the popular warning signs were there. I just subconsciously chose to ignore them til D-day. I always said I was blind-sided, but now - 9 years later - I can admit I "knew", way, way down deep, something was wrong. I just never dreamt it would ever happen.

I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.

Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Wanted a second smart phone ( so he wouldn't be using a work phone for sexting) and small but noticeable money disappearing. I even asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said "no I have two". Turns out more like 20. also sent flowers for the first time in 20 years.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller

Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 22930
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

My FWH had always been very attentive and never had raised his voice to me. All this changed and he started fights and was critical of me. He also stopped talking about work, because she was a co worker he was talking to her about work.

He did not have a cell phone but saw her everyday so he didn't need one.

DD 6/6/08
Sep 5/8/08
R 16/12/08

Posts: 485 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 32