User Topic: empowering?
Member # 12008
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, May 31st (Friday)

I've rediscovered yoga (hot yoga) which I love. For 75 minutes, a blanket of heat and humidity wraps me up and demands my undivided attention while I stretch, twist, and breathe through poses. It's really hard - I'm so inflexible I can barely touch my toes, but that doesn't matter. I don't need to share my mat, I try not to look at the prettier bendier people, and instead of touching my toes, I give myself a pat on the back because I didn't quit when it was hardest.

It's a small thing, but I find it empowering, and now I'm looking for other things that I can do for me that are separate from WH. Things that will lift me up. I don't want sad songs, I want to make a playlist of songs that make me want to dance in my kitchen all by myself. I need a break from my stack of infidelity books, and I want to feel inspired by characters who change. I want to watch a movie like Crazy Stupid Love and find uplift from the end where two people who love each other find their way back to one another through a colossal pool of shit that they BOTH created.

I read recently on SI about someone putting their own power in a vase and not giving it away. I want to do that, but I need to feel it before I can bank it. Suggestions??? Please?? What has empowered you during the R process, or continues to empower you?

Me: FWW (STA 2002), now a BW.
Him: FWH (OW1: 2006-2007), now just WH (OW2: 2010-2013)

I will never stop trying... because when you find 'the one' you never give up. (Cal Weaver)

Posts: 429 | Registered: Sep 2006
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, May 31st (Friday)

I love this post because I too am feeling empowered. I love who I am and I am important

The things that have empowered me so far:

1. New circle of friends (all moms like me)separate from him. We do things like go to plays, dinner, kids events, etc.

2. Kickboxing and running

3. Music that fits my mood

4. Not afraid to speak my mind

5. Working always empowers me

6. Doing things for myself like getting my nails done or a massage.

7. Not letting my WH's moods affect me anymore

8. Therapy has empowered me

BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Taking up a hobby you never thought you would.

Trying a totally new look, haircut, color other than what I had ever done, and liking the results.

For every infidelity related book I read a fun mindless one, like the whole Janet Ivonovich/Stephanie Plum novels.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8705 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 38839
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, May 31st (Friday)

1. Weightlifting

2. Taking classes and chasing my dream of becoming a microbiologist

3. Cleaning -- I am basically the best housekeeper ever at this point ;-)

4. DIYing / accomplishing things with my hands / working on the truck

5. Training / rehabbing my dog (neglected + viciously abused for first 4 years of her life)

6. Being charitable -- volunteering, promoting a good cause, etc. (I'm also currently growing out my hair to donate but it's been a five-year process so far so not the best for quick results )


Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Self expression has empowered me. I got a tattoo after Dday1 that said "I Am Enough" in this awesome strong font. Got a nose ring.

Got two more tattoo's and two upper helix piercings. I love them.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Boot Camp, working out at home, went back to school, started making friends that were only my friends, started speaking up from myself...that is it for now, but I plan on doing more for myself when I have more time.

Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 465 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:00 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

I like how I have a little bad ass in me now. I am not a conflict avoider anymore, much to fWH's chagrin!

It was me to pictured the vase thing. It was done in EMDR therapy... she said to keep track of what I'm doing when I feel the vase is full and when I feel it's not as full. Who am I with, what am I doing.

ms - I LOVE hot yoga too!! I leave my phone in the car and it's just me time! good for you.

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.

Posts: 5255 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
New Member
Member # 37496
Default  Posted: 7:06 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

LOVE this post! I've had flashes of my former self, but can't seem to hold on to it. This is beautiful and empowering!

BW 34 (me)
WH 39
1 beautiful daughter
D-Day 5/20/2012
Riding the R-oller coaster

Posts: 43 | Registered: Nov 2012
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

Going away for 2 nights last week was empowering. I''m ok, even on my own. It was an opportunity to focus on my needs exclusively.

I find that tackling all the little personal and household projects that I''d been neglecting has been good for me.

Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.

Posts: 698 | Registered: Oct 2012
New Member
Member # 38732
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

Focusing on ME; being selfish instead of always doing for everyone else and neglecting my own needs.


Losing weight (20 pounds since D-day!)

Meeting new people and putting myself out there. Had two meals with classroom moms this week. Fun!

Me: 37 BS
Him: 38 WH
M: 11 years, T: 17
2 boys
DDay: 3/11/13
Status: In MC/R, Retrouvaille graduates

I'm not what I ought to be. I'm not what I want to be. I'm not what I hope to be. But thank God, I'm not what I used to be.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Limbo
Member # 12008
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

Wow, thank you ALL!! These are brilliant and beautiful ideas. I've actually debated a tattoo (it would be VERY unlike the "old me" but I like the idea that I'm not the old me. I'm becoming someone new and hopefully someone better and stronger than before!) WH would probably not be a fan, but it's not about him or what he wants right now. I love the "I am enough" expression - brilliant!!!

rachelc - I love the vase metaphor (yes - I lifted that from one of your threads). Heavyheart1 said what I'm feeling in that it's hard to hold on to the flashes of the former self, so I thought if I put together a list of things that make me feel stronger/better/powerful (things that have nothing to do with anyone outside myself), then I might find ways to fill that vase!

I like the idea of new friends too!! I didn't even consider that because I have a great group of friends, but I can easily see how some new friends would go well with the new me I hope to be!

Tushnurse - I'm going to pick up a Janet Ivonovich novel - heard plenty about her, but never read one! I need something fun!

I like how I have a little bad ass in me now...

Love this. I'm definitely looking for my inner badass!!

Me: FWW (STA 2002), now a BW.
Him: FWH (OW1: 2006-2007), now just WH (OW2: 2010-2013)

I will never stop trying... because when you find 'the one' you never give up. (Cal Weaver)

Posts: 429 | Registered: Sep 2006
Topic Posts: 11