Here's what I'd like to say before I begin. My husband and I have always been best friends and married for 11 years. We have two daughters. Anyone who knows us says we are in sync, a great match, you name it.
So he left for an eight month military tour this past year. Throughout the eight months, we spoke of our future in hundreds of ways, we talked almost every day, and we sent care packages and postcards. Most of all, we talked about how much we missed each other. As the date came closer, I had the girls decorate the house. I ordered the cake. I had my dress and shoes picked out months earlier with the hope of wowing him. I even had won a free nightís stay at the Hilton from an art show earlier in the year so I talked to two managers about extending the coupon until he came out and arranged a babysitter. It was going to be perfect.
The last week before he came home, he acted completely distant. At our "homecoming" he embraced our daughters while I received a one-armed hug. On the ride home, he was distant. Maybe a day or two later, he asked for a divorce.
He kept telling me that we grew apart and such, but that made no sense from what heís told me in the past eight months. I knew there was something going on so naturally I figured it was post traumatic stress syndrome. It wasnít. While I kept trying to tell him not to divorce for something I believe we could work on (i.e. so-called growing apart), I noticed him talking on his phone at the side of the house. Then I confronted him. The words just blurted out. Did you cheat on me? At this point, we were up together night and day talking and crying (mostly me). I had nothing else to understand, nothing else made sense. I was numb when he said yes.
I had my best friend take the girls away from the house so I could talk to him. But I yelled at him. Then I just stopped. There was no Jerry Springer show. No vindictive plotting. I admit that I had been so stressed out trying to figure out what was wrong that it was slightly a relief that I knew the truth. Since then, heís said sorry a million times. Heís asked my permission to get near me. Heís told me any detail Iíve wanted to know. We donít even argue, we just talk. He said he wants to try to make it work, he loves me, etc. Heíll do things like bring me coffee in the mornings, ask me how I am doing throughout the day, anything you can think of. He said he feels ashamed, guilty, remorseful, and sad. He has said and done everything a woman like me would need to hear after learning about the adultery. I could have turned him in and he would have lost his promotion, or even his job. The same for her. RevengeÖIt feels great when I play it over and over in my head. But thatís not me. So she moves on with her life. He still gets his big promotion, he's still a great dad, and everything works out for him. Then thereís me.
I donít feel better. I wake up and tell myself to get out of bed. All I have to do is think about it and my whole day is ruined. As I write this, these things have occurred all in the last 3 or 4 weeks. Itís all new to me. I didnít magically stop loving him just because I learned all these horrible details. I know I will never be the same, nor will I look at ďloveĒ the same way again. I donít have his trust and apparently respect. We have so much that weíve invested in our lives together and I was grateful for every day of it.
He wants to save the marriage and I said the same out loud to him. That is as far as I can go at this point. Please, somebody tell me anything that can give me hope.