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User Topic: What Is...???
MammaMia
Member
Member # 34030
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Since your spouse's affair, what is the one thing that you cannot stand about him/her that never bothered you before?


And once the storm is over, you wonít remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you wonít be the same person who walked in. Thatís what this stormís all about.Ē

Posts: 860 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Somewhere in the South
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, May 31st (Friday)

His stupidity!!!!


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Spelljean
Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, May 31st (Friday)

His low self esteem that I didn't even know existed before. Now I see it staring me squarely in the face and I don't think he will ever get over the need to feel validated.


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
lovehurtstomuch
New Member
Member # 38836
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Him going to work since that's were he had his LTA.

His iphone, I hate the damn thing!! To many ways to chat with out it being on the bill. Plus all the stupid dating apps. It made it so easy to hide!


BW-39
WH-39 Affair on & off for 5 yrs, plus a one night stand from dating web apps. My gut tells me there is more.
Married 17 yrs
DDay May 11, 2012 TT for months
Divorced Feb 20 but wking on R


Posts: 24 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: TX
Jada52
Member
Member # 38984
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, May 31st (Friday)

His dang phone and how he now puts a password on it.

How casually he can lie or how he feels he is entitled to do what he has done.


Silly Slut, husbands are for wives - get your own man B*tch!

Posts: 114 | Registered: Apr 2013
Reality
Member
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Me, too: his phone or him being engrossed in a computer - which is really uncool because he's a law student and is always studying or editing.

The sight of them in his hands is too painful; I can't breath and have this mad impulse to run far, far away. Peripheral and connected: if he takes his phone into the bathroom. Instant panic.

If I say something to him about it, he's immediately contrite, but man, oh, man, that I have to say anything about it at his point is another layer to the trauma.


Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2013
Sal1995
Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Her low morals and character, poor self control, lack of boundaries, need for validation from men, any man, really. Low self-esteem. Not sure I could pin it down to just one thing.


Me (BS)-45, WW-42
PMs with men only, please
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1357 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Ladyogilvy
Member
Member # 31558
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, May 31st (Friday)

His going to work, having lunches with his partners who treated me with unforgivable levels of disrespect when they assumed their meal ticket was getting a divorce.

I also tolerated a lot things in the past that I have no tolerance for now... From anyone. Our MC says that's a good thing. I feel like I was a nicer person before and I'm ambivalent about walking around in bitch boots.


Me: BW a youthful 49
Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 56
Married 19 years
Two sons, 16 & 17 years old
DD? He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable
evidence of... the $2000 earrings he bought her for x-mas.

Posts: 1512 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Him.

Seriously.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8579 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
MissD
Member
Member # 39377
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, May 31st (Friday)

His "need" for social media (validation) and to be connected for work (ego). I also hate that he used social media, f*ck friend sites, sex forums, and apps, etc. to set up sex dates during the work day.


BW 40's - WH 50's
M 20yrs, T 23yrs
2 children
Multiple EA, OA,& PA's
Thankful for my faith in God to be my strong tower.

Posts: 70 | Registered: May 2013
soveryweary
Member
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, May 31st (Friday)

The damn nose hairs sticking out. I don't even tell him about them.


Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 621 | Registered: May 2011
soveryweary
Member
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Oh, and how when he is deep in thought, he puts his hand over his nose like he's smelling his fingers. I have to leave the room, it just infuriates me for some reason.


Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 621 | Registered: May 2011
brokensunflower
Member
Member # 38674
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, May 31st (Friday)

his cell phone .. even tho I check it periodically .. wishes I could smash the damn thing


me 33
him 32
5 wonderful kids 12 yrs 8 yrs 5 yrs 4 yrs and 2 yrs ..and new baby
married 10 years together for 12 yrs
working on R

my give a damn is busted


Posts: 212 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: cold ohio
allfalldown
Member
Member # 39324
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, May 31st (Friday)

His hands on me. I used to love his hands...strong and gentle. Now...it makes my skin crawl for him to touch me. He also looks unattractive now and he is a very good looking man to the outside world but to me he just looks old.


Dday 5-10-13
1 year + EA/PA (still TT)
Me- BW
Him- WH
M- 15 years
2 kiddos
Today's forecast is foggy with a chance of D.

"Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"


Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: hell on earth
canuckmommy
New Member
Member # 35630
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Everything. Even when he eats, I just want to throat punch him. I never realized how loudly he breathes before. Or how much he talks. And talks. And talks.


Me: 28
WH: 31

Too many DDays to count. Currently in limbo.


Posts: 8 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Canada
heforgotme
Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

His job and everything associated with it.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1076 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
BW2639
Member
Member # 34875
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

The fact that she can't hardly even send an email or navigate through a website but yet carried on a 3 year affair using secret emails, and messages board profiles that the OM set up for her. ...makes me feel like an idiot that I didn't have , at least, some slight idea what was going on.


married 21 yr
Reconciling

Posts: 175 | Registered: Feb 2012
bloodstream
Member
Member # 32999
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

His job.

Well, specifically that his job took him to Afghanistan.

Something that I used to be proud of... proud of him and our family for all the sacrifices made for a greater good.... and instead it was the venue/opportunity for him to have his A.

Semper Fi my butt......


me: heartbroken
him: the one who did it
in R

Posts: 90 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Just South Of There....
dbellanon
Member
Member # 39236
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

I think that one has to be careful here because it's tempting to read the past in light of the present. For me, I've been struggling to discern whether the extreme lack of empathy that I've seen in my WW after her affair was something that she's had in some degree all along. Sensitivity was never her strong suit.

More than that, though, is that there are qualities that I used to admire in her that are now working against us. Her determination and drive, her willingness to push past any obstacles to get to her goal... These are precisely the things that are making it impossible for us to come back together, because her goal now is divorce, and freedom from me, and I am the obstacle standing in her way.

I saw that she was changing, becoming more confident, more independent, less inhibited. She said that she had changed and that she liked who she had become. I thought that I liked the changes that I was seeing too, but after I learned that she had cheated on me and wanted to leave me, I changed my tune. She had turned into something hideous, and I didn't like what I saw at all.


ME: BH, 28
Her: WW, 27
DD: 4
Married 6 Years.
DDay: Early May, 2013
Divorced

Posts: 213 | Registered: May 2013
Shockedman
Member
Member # 39376
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

d-day: 5/24/13. 7 days in. No idea where I am headed....

I think in this day and age, we all hate the phone. My WW was always on her phone and would get angry if I questioned her. She said she like to play words with friends. What a bitch. And yes, she still feels entitled to privacy and acts like I am intruding on her privacy. I haven't physically seen her yet since d-day. I asked her to move out and she moved in with her dad.

Everything. Even when he eats, I just want to throat punch him.

This is seriously funny. Sucks being the betrayed husband, no throat punches for me.

I think that one has to be careful here because it's tempting to read the past in light of the present. For me, I've been struggling to discern whether the extreme lack of empathy that I've seen in my WW after her affair was something that she's had in some degree all along. Sensitivity was never her strong suit.
More than that, though, is that there are qualities that I used to admire in her that are now working against us. Her determination and drive, her willingness to push past any obstacles to get to her goal... These are precisely the things that are making it impossible for us to come back together, because her goal now is divorce, and freedom from me, and I am the obstacle standing in her way.

I saw that she was changing, becoming more confident, more independent, less inhibited. She said that she had changed and that she liked who she had become. I thought that I liked the changes that I was seeing too, but after I learned that she had cheated on me and wanted to leave me, I changed my tune. She had turned into something hideous, and I didn't like what I saw at all.

I am in almost the same situation as this. My wife is acting indignant and entitled and extremely selfish. We are only 7 days in but she has shown little remorse. The standard I am sorry I had an affair, but in no way is "fighting for me or for us" In fact she told me she is in love with him and they made plans for their future! So funny to me. Why? Facts:

Together 17 years, married 10.
Affair has occurred over last 7 months. Known him for 9 months total.
Claims she never wants to have kids. Her affair partner has 2 toddlers.

Is she in the fog or what! I just can't decide how long is too long to wait. We have some serious time in and I don't want to throw everything away, but it has been a full week and I have even been thrown a bone. I pulled the knife out and I am getting on with my life, but the hardest part is this limbo phase. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants the safety and security that I give her in our home and business, but wants the passion, excitement and "love" she has in her affair.

[This message edited by Shockedman at 10:46 AM, June 1st (Saturday)]


Posts: 102 | Registered: May 2013
Happydays
Member
Member # 38681
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

The lies and planning to cover it up.


BH 33
FWW 32
DS: 3 year old.
Dday 10/14/2012
No remorse so:
Divorced 02/15/2013. No alimony, no CS, got apartment. Won all battles and mind games off the courts.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Mar 2013
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

Only one is hard to choose!

Well, that first one would be OW!

Then would be the lying/deceipt.

Then would be abandoning his daughter at the same age he lost a parent.

But also things with the mobile phone and behavior/personality issues.

If you have to go to the bathroom and lock the door to text, how can you think it's okay or right to do?


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2204 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
EasyDoesIt
Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

Anything and everything.


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3692 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
hobbeskat
Member
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

His lack of integrity. He has wanted to be married and start a family all his life. I thought he was a good, moral person, but he isn't. I thought he was strong and he isn't. I thought he would never lie or cheat and that he was honest, but he wasn't.

[This message edited by hobbeskat at 6:49 PM, June 1st (Saturday)]


Posts: 308 | Registered: Mar 2013
fallingquickly
Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

How very easily he lies to me.


Me-BW 50
Him-STBXWH

2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
scaredyKat
Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)

His boats. That's where he "was" when he was off screwing around with multiple OW.


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3459 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Pippy
Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)

When he's late with my Spousal Support.


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9587 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
LivinginLimbo
Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)

The one thing that I will always hate is that he put our family at risk for some internet whores.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1019 | Registered: Mar 2012
doggiediva
Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)

I hate him being in the same house as me..

I hate the sound of his heavy breathing when he is moving around in the house..

I hate watching him lick his plate when he is done eating..

[This message edited by doggiediva at 11:26 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)]


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1171 | Registered: Nov 2011
LearningToFly
Member
Member # 39073
Default  Posted: 1:17 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

How he lies and has done it for so long that he really believes himself.


Me - BS (53) Him-WS(58)
Her OW(55) HighSchoolGirlfriend
Together 30 years Married 28 Kids 24,21,18
D day Feb 26 2013 after 20 months
D day March 4 they met again "to say goodbye"
D day April 2 found out about secret email

Posts: 188 | Registered: Apr 2013
mysticmoons
New Member
Member # 38861
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, June 3rd (Monday)

Facebook!
Asshole had the audacity to tell me the other night at dinner that he needs to have a Facebook again. I said Hell No!


Me: 39 BGF
Him: 45 WBF
DD#1 02/06/13 Found 6 months of texts between him and my friend
DD#2 03/14/13 Found texting between him and a 24 year old he met at his gig
DD#3 03/17/13 confessed to BJ from bar SLUT
DD#4 03/18/13 Had sex 2X with bar SLUT

Posts: 27 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: mysticmoons
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, June 3rd (Monday)

The over the top affection. Like he is trying too hard. I feel smothered at times.

I need space to think and breathe.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1105 | Registered: Apr 2013
bestbecameworst
Member
Member # 31507
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, June 3rd (Monday)

His dependence on me.


Me: BS
Together since 1997, married Jan 2010, EA started Feb 2010, PA June 2010
D-day1 Oct 20 2010 / D-day2 Oct 21 2010 and following week / found this site Mar 2011
He didn't do work to reconcile.
DIVORCED in 2014 and HAPPY!

Posts: 595 | Registered: Mar 2011
mj052
Member
Member # 38495
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, June 3rd (Monday)

When he jokingly replies "chicks dig me" and smiles. Like he actually expects me to find this funny after finding out about his eight month affair.

It just goes to show how addicted he is to any kind of female attention!! It could be the wicked witch from the wizard of oz or the shamrock cow!!! He is one sick puppy!!!


Trust is a fragile thing- once its lost it's gone forever!!

Posts: 248 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: mj052
mj052
Member
Member # 38495
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, June 3rd (Monday)

Oh- and I forgot to add...

A couple of weeks ago my wayward told me that he spent the night with the mow a couple times (?) When he went out of town on business trips.

The other night in bed while he was sleeping he let one rip! I couldn't help myself from thinking if he ever farted on her!!!! Gross!!


Trust is a fragile thing- once its lost it's gone forever!!

Posts: 248 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: mj052
PurpleBirch
Member
Member # 39170
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, June 3rd (Monday)

When he puts his finger in his ear then rubs it on his pants.

The way I'm sure he lied to me today. WTF. I'm not stupid. Answering "I don't remember" how many goals you got at soccer today when you're fucking obsessed with the game is bullshit. Add to the fact that you weren't flushed at all, yet you *had* to shower just before I got home because you played so hard.


Me: BS (32)
Him: WH (31)
Married 3 years.
Confessed to PA April 21 2013.

DS (6), DS (18 months)

Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".

Status: Done like dinner


Posts: 277 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The frozen North, eh?
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, June 3rd (Monday)

The arrogance. He though that he was so fucking slck, and that he had me fooled.

Wrong, asshole.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7564 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
SeeThingsNow1
Member
Member # 38241
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, June 4th (Tuesday)

as alot of others stated - the lies - the little white ones i see him giving to work people on the phone, the ones I hear him telling to anyone he feels it doesnt matter what he says - I asked him- how do i trust you arent lying to me when you do it right in front of my face and always have a justification of why it is ok you said that?
"I dont do that to you!" uh huh...as I said dear- how am I supposed to tell ....

Posts: 110 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 38