SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: So now I'm a *money hider*....
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, May 31st (Friday)

Sultan is so far off the rails that it has passed the point of ridiculousness, FFS.

At this point in time he is being completely stingy about turning over financial docs that I have been requesting. So after receiving yet ANOTHER "ask you L what she's looking for specifically, because I've already provided that information" note from him.....I sent him a very detailed and explicit email about what I wanted.

As part of an exchange about the issue, he says this:

In our marriage, I never once hid money from you. You cannot make that same statement and you know it.

O.M.G.
His statement is referencing an account that I opened when we were fairly newly married. We were clashing on the whole 'pay off debt or save for yourself first' issue at the time. I had read that even if you had debt, that you need to pay yourself *first*...so that unexpected emergencies were covered....and then apply a portion to the debt.

Now this happened 20 or so years ago and I had almost forgotten about it until today. But I did open a savings account....in BOTH our names. And I'm pretty sure that it was one of those things that I did unilaterally....opened it and THEN told him about it.

But now, 20 years later....it has morphed into me *hiding money* from him. Seriously?

There's that whole *grain of truth* thing that he uses to make me look like an asshole. Did I kinda, sorta *hide money* from him? I guess technically I did. BUT it was an account in BOTH of our names and for BOTH of us and for the good of the marriage.

But, from the way he used it in that email....it sure as hell sounds as if he is running around telling people that I *hid* money from him.

Gotta love dealing with the people that twist shit up in their heads......NOT.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8075 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, May 31st (Friday)

I am getting the same thing. Our entire M I always had my paycheck direct deposited into our joint account. Fast forward 20 years. I opened a separate account in my name for my second job so I could have some spending money and pay my student loan separately. He knew all about it and was no secret. Last year, when I confronted about him siphoning off money for 15 years to pay secret support for OC from OW#1 I changed my paycheck direct deposit to my account because he was no longer going to secretly send any of my money to his whores. He is now all pissy about that and accusing me of hiding money. Hey, fucktard, I make the same amount now that I did when you had access to it! He conveniently ignores paying his whore for 15 years...

It is absolutely amazing what their twisted minds think of!!


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1187 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
JessicaFL127
Member
Member # 26864
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

And he is and always will be a *dramatic idiot*. Ignore and carry on!


BW,32
divorced for 6 years
mom to two awesome boys,10 and 9

"But you said your vows, and you closed the door
On so many men who would have loved you more" -Cath, DCFC

"The most amazing things can come from some terrible lies"


Posts: 1244 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Missouri
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

I really despise Sultan. I hate him for what he did to you. But I also feel visceral loathing for him bc there is nothing I hate more than illogical, willful, twisted stupidity. It always just enrages me.

You''re a smart lady. School''s out for the summer (I think I just sang that in my head lol), please track down a book on game theory & have laid out in front of you all of Sultans gambits. It''ll be a fun game for you predicting which one yes using & then seeing him act lock step with the mathematically predicted outcome. Your own little game as it were. I have some I can recommend & I''ll PM you when I return home tomorrow with some recs that you can easily pick up at Amazon.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3119 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
pjkmkjm23
Member
Member # 35778
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

Wow gonnabe, I so understand how they take that *grain of truth* and run with it. They can back up and prove to others the small truth about one thing and then unfortunately can often get others to believe the rest of their fiction! I really think they even come to believe it as they love playing the *victim* role.

I too think you should just ignore it and let people think what they will. As much as he may act like this is such a tragic, horrible affront to him, I don't think most people will care or think it's nearly as bad as he would like them too. Sadly, I do understand the want to straighten everyone out about the truth, but you'll make yourself crazy focusing on it. Good luck


Posts: 305 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Canada
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

Well, GOT, that sounds like classic Perv and classic deflection, if that's the right word, where he will accuse me of what he's actually doing.

The attention's on you now and you are riled so that Sultan can go off on his merry way and think he upset you. At least that's my take on it.

Some examples that I kind of snicker at now...I've been accused of cheating on Perv, (By him) of having men on my facebook (relatives, lol) of being on dating sites! (It was him) (and honestly, Me, with all my grey hair and pregnant?)

I'm sorry for your frustration, but nothing's hidden in my opnion, with the guy's name on it! "Forgotten" by him sounds more like it?

The twisting of things gets to be as amazing an artform as the blameshifting.

Do you keep track of this as I do? It can be used for charachter reference or flaw sometimes and just helps to show the kind of person it is. It helps to discredit, esp. the lying.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

Now gonnabe, don't you remember that bank account is where you kept all your lottery winnings,lmao!


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4787 | Registered: Feb 2008
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

Gonna,

BTDT not going back.

If he is accusing you of hiding money... chances are he IS hiding money. At least that has been my experience. Good Luck.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5262 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
million pieces
Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Oh yeah, I got accused of hiding money from day one. I did the family finances, so he was floored when we didn't have ready cash in accounts waiting for him to spend when he left me. Um no, I told you when your business failed the year before we had to drain the emergency accounts.

Even on the stand I got questions. Luckily my financial strategy during our marriage was straight from Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. They had accused me of hiding money in a Roth under my names. Yes, after I maximized your IRA, opened a Roth in your name maxed that, and then opened one in my name WITH YOUR NAME ON IT TOO. Straight from the book. Damn, if I was trying to hide money I wouldn't max out his accounts first and then open an account in the same freaking back with your name on the account

I am way smarter than that.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1264 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
Coraline
Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

What a jerk, and I agree that if he's accusing you of it, he's doing it.


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
Pippy
Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

As the kids would say, "Takes one to know one".

He's trying to relieve the GUILT he feels. Plain and simple. He's proven he's an expert at hiding things from you.


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

So.....now you know why he is being difficult and and an asshat about turning over those documents.

I'd bet my paycheck (not that it's a lot, lol) that he's hiding money from whatever accounts you're looking at.

He's trying to figure out how to cook the books before turning it over to your L.

FTG.


Posts: 3419 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Topic Posts: 12