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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Pettiness on the horizon
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, May 31st (Friday)

So I have been only emailing the POS and trying to work civilly toward a quick dissolution. For those that recall my story, POS ran away to his mother's house several states away when I caught him red-handed at OW#3"s house in March. He hasn't paid a dime in support since either. So after my initial anger outbursts I have taken the high road to end this as quickly as possible, and since we are an equal distribution state the outcome is going to be the same whether we pay attorneys thousands or not. So I have asked repeatedly for him to let me know what he wants so I can throw it with his other crap. I have created a list of all major assets in the house because he apparently needs it itemized before he can make a decision (basically he is a hoarder and very materialistic and expects to walk away with everything). After getting the list he responds that obviously it is incomplete and is missing x, x, x. Part of the 'missing' items include my inherited items that are considered separate assets (I did my homework). So I had to educate him on that. I also told him I wasn't going to dwell on trivial items such as 20 year old cracked Rubbermaid storage containers as it was petty and I wasn't waisting my time and if he really wanted it he could fucking have it. I just don't care, but he is holding out on any decision. He could take it all and I wouldn't care (though I am not telling him that for bargaining purposes). I told him if he wasn't going to work cooperatively in this to let me know so I could stop wasting my time and simply hire an attorney. This should be SO easy and quick, but he is going down the petty road. Good grief.

On another note he indicated he would be coming back to his 'home' when he finishes projects for his mother and she is feeling better.' His elderly mother is his go to excuse for everything, except he forgets that I know that, and now he is using it with me? Really? He has been looking for employment there and his leaving had nothing to do with dear old mom. However, since he co-owns the house, if he does come back I am concerned. It would be a nightmare and I know he will remove items from the home. So as much as I don't want to bring an attorney into the mix, I may have to. He CAN'T stay in this house! The toxic environment would also be detrimental to DD as she doesn't want him here either. Maybe a restraining order because he has made statements in the past that he would never go through another divorce but he would go thru a homicide trial... and no, there has never been any DV. Just trying to think outside the box. He may be bluffing about coming back (even temporarily), but it is a possibility as our DS is coming home from Afghanistan in August and he likely wants to see him. I just don't know what the shitbag is up to and it makes me nervous...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, May 31st (Friday)

File for divorce and include temporary orders that give you exclusive use of the home.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8034 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, May 31st (Friday)

I have an idea for you.

The first atty I went to (free consult) said he would draw everything up, file, etc for $500.00 if we were going to get along in the divorce. So my suggestion to do is to go to some free consults and see if they can do the same for you to get the temp orders in place, which will include you get temp house to live in. In my state, the WS cannot enter the home once this is in place.

Then, when your WS is back into town, make an appt at this atty's office with your ws. Somehow, in an atty's office, with reality pointed out to them by the atty, of how expensivet a D will be, etc. your h might cave to look like the "good" guy, and just go along with the D.

Be prepared with $$$ just in case he wants to continue to be an a** and you have to go to court. Also, once the D is filed, then you have to account for $$ spent. So if you want to start getting $$ to put back, this is your chance.

Remember, the reason they act like a**es is because they want to get us all worked up and agitated so they can say we are hard to get along with!!!!


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2149 | Registered: Jan 2012
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:54 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

Great idea home wrecked. Unfortunately, every atty charges for consults here; no freebies. Also, POS is a flaming asshole, admits he is an asshole, and wears the title with pride. In other words, he will never cave to appear to be the good guy because his superior assholiness won't let him. Even his kids think he is an asshole!!

I think I will make an appt with an atty next week to at least formulate a plan. My DD even told me a little earlier that if he tries to come back to the house she is leaving and staying with her older sister because she refuses to be in the same house as him. *sigh* How did I end up married to such a dick??


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Athena1979
Member
Member # 39393
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

Because women like being treated bad. We like the bad guy. We want to be the girl who makes him happy. And someday, we realize that you can't change people. They are who they are. Sometimes a person can change a behavior, but inside, that personality is still there.
If I were you, I would just take my stuff and leave while the goings good.anything I lose out of the deal, I would consider it a "good riddance" tax.


Married 11/11/11
Together since 3/2005
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
God keeps the devil on a short leash. God will never give you more than you can handle.

Posts: 111 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Athena1979
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Athena, I would love to leave, but I have logistical issues in the form of my adored three very large dogs. No rental around here will allow them...

However, I have decided to pull a hard NC for the next couple of weeks. Don't need to discuss kids as he talks to her directly on her phone (texts, never calls). We are currently at a stalemate anyway, and I am waiting for some additional financial information that will take at least two weeks (this includes final house appraisal). I will also be putting my separate inherited items into "protective custody" elsewhere as I had a dream that he came and destroyed them. During the absolute NC it will be interesting to see how he reacts. I've been the only one driving the D train so far and I am very curious to see if he decides to jump in that seat or just sit back and wait. I really can't do anything without the additional information right now so let's see what he thinks of being completely ignored for a while! He won't be expecting it, that is for sure! Plus, I really need a break. I used to look forward to his communication (before D-day), but now I dread it as they only aggravate me further and stress me out even more. I actually hate any kind of communication from him!!

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 1:07 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)]


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Topic Posts: 6