Just Found Out
User Topic: finding inner peace
New Member
Member # 39352
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, May 31st (Friday)

My live in boyfriend of four years has decided to be with the OW, it has been hell for me for the past one month but now i am finding inner peace.
I still love him very much and i feel sad to see him in such emotional turmoil. Even though he has chosen to be with OW he is not happy. He does not want to be with her but rather can not be without her. He was lonely and empty when he met her and i just feel sad for him. he says that this relationship with OW can not go for long but still he can not leave her now so i find him emotionally so weak and pathetic.
We still talk and can speak about the situation like two sane good friends. I wish him all the best. I dont want this situation to be destructive. I want him to grow as a person with this. resolve his personal complexities and insecurities.. be a better person.
for me too it has been a learning experience. i also had to face my personal demons.
I am in a storm and it is difficult but i will emerge and when i do i will have completely changed and changed for the better. i hope the same for him too.

Posts: 5 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, June 1st (Saturday)


You mentioned that you had read the 180...

We still talk and can speak about the situation like two sane good friends.

but this is not 180. I suspect your WBF's life will only fill with more drama until he decides to fix his issues.

We often want things for our wayward spouses and significant others, but until they want to change there is nothing that can be done to help.

Something you might work on is why you feel very much love for a person who betrayed you, and you see as emotionally weak and pathetic.


FBS 54
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4130 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, June 1st (Saturday)

In order to find inner peace you need to step away from this situation. He is not your friend or he wouldn't have betrayed you. You can not fix him. He had a choice and he choose OW. Now you need to let him have her and move on with your life without him in it. I am sorry he did you wrong, now you need to do what's best for you. (((HUGS)))

M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
New Member
Member # 39352
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

thank you guys for your reply. i will move away from his life completely. i will also write to you guys about it.
thank you so much for giving me perspective.

Posts: 5 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Gentle 2X4 here. Hon you need to get angry and start valuing yourself.

You are emotionally supporting his cheating! He won't "make up his mind' as long as you enable him and definitely stop sitting there waiting for him.

You REALLY need to do the 180 (Healing Library BS FAQs #11) You deserve so much better from life. Kick that loser to the curb. You're nit responsible for his happiness. He is.

I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.

Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

(((hugs))) It''s rough, letting them go. It''s even rougher when you don''t because you hold up your healing.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 4811 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
New Member
Member # 39352
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, June 7th (Friday)

hi guys
well now he has left and we are no longer seeing each other. though he called me even after he left i talked with him with indifference and kept it really short. i try not to miss him though it is tough at times. I am trying to keep him out of my life and mind i hope i can do it.
thanks guys

Posts: 5 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

That's a tough thing to do, but the most important thing to do for your healing. I still have problems detaching from my wife of 17 years.

We can both do it.

Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous

Posts: 1944 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Topic Posts: 8