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User Topic: new SAHM struggling
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

I am really struggling the last few weeks.

I think it has to do with me resigning from my job.

BH and I wanted me to be a SAHM, not a Stay In Bed Mom.

I did OK for the first couple of days, but now I'm really finding it hard to do anything. I'm feeling a strong urge to run and hide which is something I remember feeling during the A. During the A my coping mechanism was to text, email, or contact the OM somehow. I am not tempted to break NC at all. I only mention that unhealthy coping mechanism because I feel I need to find more healthy coping mechanisms.

I do talk to my BH about what I'm feeling but I feel I need to be doing more with my time. Maybe I need to stick to a schedule with the kids or something.

I did sign us all up for drawing classes which start on Monday. And I arranged for DD14 to start riding horses again (something we gave up due to work schedules). We are planing for her to be in a show in July.

I just feel overwhelmed with the day to day and I know that is ridiculous. Why is this staying home so hard for me?


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1380 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

Perhaps you identified too much with your occupation?? Could it be that you that your job was WHO you are, so you're now feeling a bit lost??

(((hugs)))


Posts: 11378 | Registered: Mar 2008
hardlessons
Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

BH and I wanted me to be a SAHM

If BH's thoughts/wants were not part of the equation what would knightsbff want?

Maybe I need to stick to a schedule with the kids or something.

SAHM can be just as difficult as a demanding 9-5 gig. The assumption is that you have the whole day to get stuff done, but at the end of it not much got accomplished. Treat SAHM just like a job in some sense. 5P's Perfect planning prevents poor performance. A useful day rarely just materializes. Sounds like you have a few activities lined up and that's great. What else do you want to fill the time with?


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 878 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, June 1st (Saturday)

Could it be that you that your job was WHO you are, so you're now feeling a bit lost??
Yes, I think having a career was a big part of who I was. I knew this but I really wanted to make this change.

If BH's thoughts/wants were not part of the equation what would knightsbff want?
I would still want this opportunity, but I'm torn. I really want to be able to have this time with my kids before they are out of the house. My oldest DD is away at college and I feel I missed too much.

What else do you want to fill the time with?
I want to take some of the pressure off of my BH to get things done at home. Some of them are scary for me though. Business and financial dealings that desperately need taken care of. I'm having a lot of anxiety about that stuff though. I think I am avoiding them which makes the anxiety worse....


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1380 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, June 3rd (Monday)

former SAHM here - create a schedule. Get up in the morning and get dressed. Make a list of the things you want to get accomplished for the week, then figure out which day you can do what. Keep it simple at first, so it's not overwhelming.

example -
get up, get dressed, get coffee or breakfast

a quick, simple household chore

research online something you have anxiety over learning to do

lunch

another chore

start dinner

take a break, hang out on SI, etc

finish making dinner

dinner/family time at night


Before you know it, you'll have kid activities to chauffeur for, and other stuff outside the house to add to your schedule. After several weeks, you'll start to see which days work better for what. Just make sure you plan for some "me time" in there. Trust me, you'll need it.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12122 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
KBeguile
Member
Member # 38348
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, June 3rd (Monday)

I know Heart used to swear by FLYLADY. I'm sure you can find some of her stuff online still.


Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
-
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 754 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
SoVerySadNow
Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, June 3rd (Monday)

Fly Lady's routines save many of us.

I remember the adjustment period after I became a SAHM the first time. My career had been a big part of my life, enjoyment, and identity. It was difficult to suddenly make a switch. I missed it, the interactions, feeling like I had a purpose every day. Of course being a SAHM has great importance but staying home was hard in the beginning. I worried that working women would think I wasn't really "working".
I found my footing though, and knew I had done the right thing. I've never regretted it.
You'll find your pace. It's not a sprint.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
She-Ra
Member
Member # 36033
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, June 3rd (Monday)

Those are great suggestions!

You can do it KnightsBFF!! I will be starting my 1 year stint as a SAHM starting next Monday. My newborn will keep me hopping but I also want to make the most of the experience and help my BH too

[This message edited by messedupchick at 10:00 PM, June 3rd, 2013 (Monday)]


FWW 33 BH 34
Met 9 yrs ago, together for 7, married for 3
Dday Aug 10, 2012
Beautiful daughter born June 2013

Showing signs of true R. I'm hopeful

The WW formerly known as messedupchick


Posts: 762 | Registered: Jul 2012
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

Thanks everyone! These are good suggestions. I am going to try inconnu's schedule and I will check out Fly Lady.

It's a lot like HL said. I feel like I have the whole day to do get tons of stuff done then the day is gone so quickly and I didn't get as much done as I thought I would.

Planning should help. And I need to give myself credit for the stuff I am getting done too.


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1380 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Topic Posts: 9