User Topic: He married OW in Hawaii. On my dime.
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Yep, the douchebag married the OW sometime this past week in Hawaii.
I am relieved that now his kibble supply will be coming from someone else.
BUT, the whole trip was funded by the proceeds of my 401K - you see, the QDRO settlement went through a couple weeks ago and he got a chunk of my $$, which I am sure he promptly cashed out. Ouch, this stings!!!!

And, I do not even know if he told the girls beforehand that they were getting married. On Thursday night he texted a bunch of pics to my dds, and I happened to glance at dd2's phone. I saw the standard "hands with wedding rings" pic, and threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Eh, fuck them both. May they be miserable together ever after. Oh, have I mentioned he's in AA now? And hounding everyone who he thinks has a drinking problem to get themselves into AA? He has already pissed off royally one brother with this new line of behavior. Batshit crazy I tell you.

gotta go, kiddos coming into room...

[This message edited by nutmegkitty at 8:02 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)]

me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."

Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)

I hope she bleeds the fucker dry. I hope all of the OW do. It would be the decent thing to do IMO.

Here's wishing them a marriage as good as my own was.

If they cheat WITH you they will cheat ON you.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 23375
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)

I wish them all the happiness they deserve

If they cheat with you, they will cheat on you.

I am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess - Liz Phair

Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.

Posts: 5441 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Munchkinland
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Eh, fuck them both. May they be miserable together ever after.

Something tells me they will be.

And ring pics to the kids?
Stupid fucking morons.

So he's in AA, huh? When does that step come where he has to tell all the people he's wronged that he's sorry? That should be interesting.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4684 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)


That blows.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7768 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Bat shit crazy is right. Karma will bite their asses in the end. Just wait.

“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)


Eh, fuck them both. May they be miserable together ever after.

^^couldn't have said it better myself!

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4129 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)

He may physically be going to AA but I doubt he is working the program.
What a loser ... thank goodness he is not your problem.

[This message edited by dmari at 11:04 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)]

Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2271 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)


So he's in AA, huh? When does that step come where he has to tell all the people he's wronged that he's sorry? That should be interesting.

I agree. ...poopsmear would skip that step.

-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 880 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Wow, what a clueless fuck.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17498 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

((((nutmeg & kids))))

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25742 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 39204
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)


He is now someone else's problem. Ain't that the truth!!!

3 wonderful children (sometimes!!)
18 ds
16 dd
14 ds
Me. - moving on and upward !!!

Posts: 102 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Wow... How very financially responsible.

I am also wishing them all the happiness they deserve.

As for being in AA and getting preachy.... what an ass.

Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink

Posts: 3086 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

yeah, I'm not holding my breath waiting for an AA inspired apology. I know very well he's only playing the AA game because that's what OW thinks will save him - and he's pretty stuck in his mess so he has no choice. I know he will fall off the wagon sooner or later. If you remember, he was arrested on DV charges (he pushed or slapped her), adn I fully believe it was over booze.

He's on such a bad path. Since most of his family won't talk to him, he's befriended his brother's 30 something son. This kid was a hard core coke addict for a long time. Spent a while in rehab, was doing ok, and now he's off the wagon. SU-fucking-PER! Just who I want my girls around when they are at their dad's.

Meh. I am nearly to indifferent. I am focused on ME now. And I kinda like it.

me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."

Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

I'm sorry. It's truly incredible- as in not credible that a human would make those choices, such as funding his wedding to a HW with his XBW's money.

As for AA- the amends can't happen until he takes a "fearless moral inventory". I hope he has a sponsor that will hold his feet to the fire on that. From the sound sof it though he's talking the talk but not walking the walk.

"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11225 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Wow. What a colossally irresponsible thing to do yet also very predictable. It's important for the unremorseless to pull out all the stops in order to justify their love: "See! We didn't go skulking off to the justice of the peace and get married quietly like we were embarrassed! Our love is REAL and RIGHT, so we're going to do it in the most romantic and showy way possible!"

My older brother had a tiny wedding for his first wedding. His wedding to the Owife was a pretentious, ostentatious affair (pun intended). I won't be the least bit surprised to hear that STBX ends up having some obnoxious wedding (not sure who would come, though) instead of the front yard, mudpit wedding I thought he was going to have.

It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the ant. You'll take care of business like the ant, stockpiling for the winter while the grasshopper plays his fiddle and lives for the moment, and then when winter hits, you'll be warm and snug and well-prepared, and he'll be freezing in the cold, hoping that someone will rescue him.

Isn't it nice that you're no longer married to that child? I hope that the OW enjoys the ugly winter ahead!

BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

If they cheat with you, they will cheat on you.

I hope this is true on many levels. I hope it's worse than the feeling of salt being pored on an open wound.

Posts: 198 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

I also wish the new Mr & Mrs all the happiness they deserve.

I'm sorry nmk, I remember the sting, yes, definitely batshit crazy.... And I am SO happy he is no longer your problem.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

That's a dick move. Jerk.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9824 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Tax implications next year.

Posts: 2175 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

you see, the QDRO settlement went through a couple weeks ago and he got a chunk of my $$, which I am sure he promptly cashed out. Ouch, this stings!!!!

What an idiot for cashing out tax-deferred money and wasting it on such a silly thing.

I'm sure you won't care at all when the time comes, but way to go genius, putting your retirement at risk for a Hawaii wedding. Tryingagain is right on with her grasshopper/ant analogy. You have plenty of time to rebuild, but he's making one bad decision after another. So glad you're rid of this loser!

Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny

Posts: 3406 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Trying again nailed it.

Lovely location or not, knowing you are marrying somebody's damaged seconds, on his ex-wife's money, borrowed against your future...priceless. What a loser wedding, no matter what the photos look like.

Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1797 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 2:40 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

Uugh, money well spent to dump this idiot on someone who actually deserves him.

Edited because my ipad changed "on someone who deserves him" to "in someone who deserves him" I wasn't trying to be that crude!!

[This message edited by nolight at 5:13 AM, June 3rd (Monday)]

Posts: 516 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
Member # 31243
Default  Posted: 7:06 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

I am with wontdefineme. Obviously, he is not good with money, and being in Hawaii, they most likely had a good time with no thought to a budget, and if the check was a sizable amount, and considering the IRS will take 1/4 to 1/3 for taxes and fees, the karma bus might be coming by your husband's stop around April 15, 2014.
I know whenever I get remarried, I will sit down with my children and talk. I won't just send a picture. Your X took away any accountability to their reactions. He does not care for them, or else he should had that conversation with them.

You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact

Me: Me
Her: Multiple men, multiple times, OC with the latest one
S: 16, D:14
May 27, 2014 DIVORCED!!!
In the words of Dory "Whew, I'm glad I got that off my chest."

Posts: 241 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Hell, and my X is the mayor (FL)
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

I'm sorry, Nutmeg.

I don't know why a need is there to rub it in. I've actually asked Perv, in times of major distress, why more pain is coming, kind of trying to say, "Leave me alone. Leave us alone."

Why can't your XH or Perv (I don't want to generalize, so I use the two for example) just go away?

Sending the pictures was tacky, yes and also callous, for me a disregard for your kid's own feelings as well. But I understand it isn't about other people and is all about your XH or Perv now. I'm sorry.

Sending the pictures to your kids may also be a way to get them to you as a dig and I'm sorry for that, too.

I'm cheering you on for focusing on yourself, it's easy words to say, but not easy concepts to put into action.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 25