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User Topic: Ws sad about loss of friendship
cuppacoffee
Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Is that normal?
Last night the COW showed up at his work with her boyfriend. They quickly said hello (not to tip off other co workers) and then exchanged a glance when the cow was leaving.

Today the wh is all mopey about losing her friendship. Wtf? I told him "yea such a good friend that told you she didn't want to deal with your issues and ditched you when the shit got real. Along with I don't know you slept with her a d she knew you were married and have 6 kids."

I am just so pissed. I told him if he wants to be friends with her then I'm out. I am not going to work on things if he's not 100% in. He said nothing.


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
wifeno2
Member
Member # 31529
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

180

Immediately. It will save your sanity and possibly your M.

He thinks he misses COW, see what happens when he realizes he may miss his family...

And it will remind you of what a competent, whole, healthy human being you are.


Me-BW (45)
Him-WS (42)
DS 19 (prior relationship)
DS-8
DDay #1- 10/22/2010 EA/PA with MOW coworker
Dday#2:11/17/2010 beginning secret emails with potential OW#2
DDay #3 11/22/2010 still seeing OW#1
Too many DD's to count: Now up to OW #6.

Posts: 696 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: the south
Maat1021
New Member
Member # 37399
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

I agree with 180, he's still in the fog. I wasn't aware of this site when stbx thought his supposed friendship with a co-worker was oh so important. I went through a lot I shouldn't have because of it. He's not remorseful yet, time for a reality check.

Posts: 4 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Maat1021
cuppacoffee
Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

I am just so pissed. I am certain he hasn't had any other contact in the past two weeks. He still thinks of her as a good friend. The pa happened in November and they decided to just be friends after. Well until d day and that was 2.5 weeks ago.

I want to call her and tell her to back the f@ck off but I don't want her to know he's been thinking about her or how much she hurt us.


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

(((Cuppacoffee)))

Just be very careful. Nonremorseful WS's often take it underground before they are willing to give up the "high" they get from the affair. Especially those that think they can remain friends with the AP. They often fall right back into the fantasy relationship and think they are being more careful and will not get caught again. Have you told her BF?? If not, then you should. That will make it harder for them to take it underground. Good luck and I am so sorry you are going through this. Keep posting and we will provide you with some of the support you will need to get through this. (((HUGS)))


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
IAmPsycho
Member
Member # 39337
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

I agree to 180 him. He needs to think about what it would be like to lose YOUR friendship. He needs a little perspective, and a wake up call.


BS (me) 43
WS (him) 48
Married 25 years
Reconciling for 12 years
DDAY 01-16-01
A with my best friend
Lots of children from 24-4 weeks old

Posts: 62 | Registered: May 2013
cuppacoffee
Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

I have not told the boufriend because the cow threatened to ruin his life. I don't want him to lose his job because we can't afford to lose it.


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
cuppacoffee
Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

He has acted remorseful an has tried to step it up as a husband. I know seeing her triggered him. They tried to just be friends for 6 months after the a. I knew about the friendship and I told him it was inappropriate and to stop it.

I am such a fool. I thought things were moving forward.

[This message edited by cuppacoffee at 4:38 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)]


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

the cow threatened to ruin his life.

And that's what he considers a friendship worth missing? WTH?

"Your life can implode, but don't dare touch mine."

BTW, there is more risk of restarting the A because of this. Especially if they are sharing "looks".

[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 5:02 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)]


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11186 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
NoraLee
Member
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

I had to deal with that shit...not the moping - but that he wrecked their friendship by falling in love with her. We did some reality reeducation there. Real friends don't try to destroy your marriage and family. Real friends don't try to damage each others lives to satisfy their selfish needs..

He needs a reality check...he's still romanticizing the A...the exchanged glances...puke! It's not fair to you...


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
NoraLee
Member
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Is he not NC with her? Saying hello breaks NC. 180 his ass hard. It's time he sees what this teenaged unicorn farting bullshit will cost him.

Was he her superior? Can she really ruin his career? If not then tell the boyfriend.


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
cuppacoffee
Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

He was an assistant manager and she was floor staff at the time.
He claims no one knows about the a. They used to hang out in a big group and he was in box office with another co worker who would have questioned why he didn't say hello to her.
I want him to be 100% committed to me. I want none of this mopey shit. She was not a good friend to him at all. She was a dirty skank.


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
NoraLee
Member
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

I struggled with H losing his job too. Luckily, we've moved into reconciliation without H needing to change jobs. But ultimately, I would have sacrificed our financial security to save our marriage.

Funny though - when our mc told H that he'd have to find a new job if he couldn't make me feel comfortable working there - he found a way to avoid her immediately - like within hours. Tell H that if he can't get his head in the game by the end of the week - you'll tell bf - and if he loses his job - well it's a small price for saving his marriage...


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
cuppacoffee
Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Yeah she doesn't even work at his theater any more. The one she works at is farther away but all of her "friends" are at the husbands theater. They decided after sleeping together she should switch theaters.

I'm afraid she is going to transfer to his because she now lives much closer to this theater than hers.

I want to punch her!!!


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
NoraLee
Member
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Btw - next time he doesn't say hello and when questioned, he answers, "I'm rude." and then he keeps his head down to AVOID eye contact. It's out of respect for YOU!! If I thought Cow thought my H was pining for her - or reminiscing about her - it would KILL me -

It's partly as a joke - but I make my H practice his "disgusted" look just in case they accidently make eye contact. But we DO seriously practice scenarios for when she might ever attempt conversation. Like fire drills - he can't be caught off guard. She says hello - he walks away from where she's standing. If she pursues - he says - I have nothing to say to you. If she cries - begs, pleads - no difference.

You are only 2 weeks out - but your H AND cOW conspired to destroy you - she was the weapon and he needs to see her as that. This "friend" caused his life mate and partner extreme soul crushing pain - and he needs to rue the day he ever set eyes on her.


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Oh HELL no!

You tell that moron he needs to snap out of it. Grow a pair and do right by you & your children, or else GTFO the house. Don't give him a week! HELL NO! He makes up his damn mind now. Right now. Right the F now.

There might be problems? The OW might cause problems? Welcome to the real world, Jack. You F up, you get consequences. Face up to them like a man. What a wuss.

Sweetie, you aren't gonna win him back by being nice & tolerant & understanding. You need to grow a spine and stand up for yourself & your children. Don't put up with his marital history rewrite. Don't put up with his victim mentality. Don't put up with his ball-less sniviling that the mean old OW is gonna cause him trouble. Fuck that!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9654 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Loyalty2Liberty
Member
Member # 36714
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)

Remorseless WS speak their own little language. The word "friendship" in that language means roughly "romantic or sexual relationship, preferably illicit in nature".


me:BW
him:stbxWh


Posts: 236 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 17