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Reconciliation
User Topic: Why?
huRtZ413
Member
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

Reasons why you think you WS cheated ?


I'm confused ! He says that because he felt things were routine and he felt undesired because there was no " build up" ie I want you so bad or I you so damn hot or I can't keep my hands off you" in which the ONS just had to have him.
Also says he let himself get addicted to his Xbox games that he showed no interest in me even when I tried to suduce him and he would push me aside and then wonder why I don't go crazy over him .....( I felt like I couldn't even get him to look at me even when I was in lingerie trying to get him off the game so I got insure hence me not doing the " build up" ) he made me unsure of myself . Sex now is Great and passionate and says its exactly what he wanted and loved the feel of it all with me . But if that was what he searched for why would he say she meant nothing the sex meant nothing just the build up that she wanted him .....?... Now if I go one day without sexing him up he thinks I don't want him and his manhood gets shot ....

Side note I mention manhood is I question because he found out about a sexual partner I had before we married during our breakup and being my husband is my first he is hurt that he wasn't the only .....I know I know ! But hurt is hurt no matter how hipercritcal now he feels like he has to be the best at it and when sex doesn't happen he feels rejected....what to do?



me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
tired girl
Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

These are not reasons why he cheated, he needs to keep digging. Is he in IC?


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4523 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
huRtZ413
Member
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

We're in MC just started . He hold things internally ( military stuff) and he's changed but we have talked and opened up and were closer, sure but in that that when I ask about us he says its all amazing he feels better than ever about us and that he loves more than life itself and he is now very happy but I ask how can he be happy given what we are dealing with I would say happy marriage but he disagrees he says its very happy because we are in process of change for the better and that if we commit to this new change if opening up and being emotionally invested that it can only get better



me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

Wow, hurRtz413, what a bunch of bullshit he is laying on you.

It is just as much his responsibility to keep the passion alive in the marriage as you. He has just as much responsibility to show you he can't keep his hands off you.

Now, it hurts him and he feels rejected if you don't have sex with him everyday? He should be grateful you let his dick anywhere near you.

tired girl is right, those aren't reasons, those are excuses. Things he said to himself to justify his cheating.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 10:09 AM, June 3rd (Monday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9404 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
huRtZ413
Member
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

Also I should mention as far as work everything was going great he was getting promoted and getting a raise everyone looked up to him everyone wanted him on they're team at a career peak I would say , so happiness idk ..... Lost



me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
huRtZ413
Member
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

I don't see the diff between reason and excuse honestly it all seems the same just worded better . He says he knows even though things were the way they were that it never justifies it but it happened and as badly as he wishes he can take that night back and just come to me with the issues he can't that he can only work with now and try harder now ....and so on .



me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
tired girl
Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

Now if I go one day without sexing him up he thinks I don't want him and his manhood gets shot

This right here is what tells me everything is not great. He is laying it at your door step and this is not about you. It is about him. He needs to get into counseling and figure out why he did this. Having a lot of sex doesn't make a great relationship. What happens the next time the sex stops?


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4523 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
huRtZ413
Member
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

Well sex has always been on a regular not at its best all he time passion wise but it happended he would say things like its like I'm chore or you just checked me off your to do list so that I can't say I don't get laid. So now that he feels desired by me things are great for him. He knows I'm not there yet so in his effort he's done all the things he can and he knew how important sex was for me in the beginning and how I always wanted to so he feel it solves it because now he is just as invested in making things spicy again . He says he knows that all the leads up to it being his fault and he wants to show me a better life where is better for me and that I know that I'm what he wants and what not but I feel like I can't be what I thought I could be because in reality I thought I was a sex kitten I always wanted it and given the chance I could show him that but now I feel like well it may change and if it does he will feel unwanted and even though it seems to be an excuse you still utimately want to please your partner which is why he gets hurt when I turn him down because he wants to prove he can please me in every way ( prove to me he is better than my past sexual in counter I had when he was deployed -during a break)



me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, June 3rd (Monday)

Now if I go one day without sexing him up he thinks I don't want him and his manhood gets shot

That sounds like it could be his 'why' right there. In any case, it's pretty fouled up thinking.

The sense of being a man has to come from within. If he lets someone else define his manhood, he'll never really feel like a man (although he'll presumably be a man, no matter what).


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9768 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Topic Posts: 9