Just Found Out
User Topic: So lost and empty inside
New Member
Member # 39435
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, June 3rd (Monday)

I had a feeling something was going on and my husband confirmed it Sunday. It happened in January, I had asked him about it in February. It was denied fast forward to this week and I am 19 weeks pregnant. I cry none stop have not slept in days and can not eat. I do not know what to do I am at a complete loss. I am seeing a counselor tomorrow and he is the next day. I am also meeting with a lawyer next week. He has taken full responsible of his action but it does not remove the pain. We have been married for 18 years.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Jun 2013
New Member
Member # 39266
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, June 3rd (Monday)

I feel your pain, other than I'm not pregnant. Please take care of yourself and your unborn child. I'm only 4 mo into this nightmare and the fact that I have found a group of people to support me that know exactly what I'm going through has helped tremendously. It doesn't take the pain away but, it does help give you strength to know your not going crazy that you are not the only person to ever feel this excruciating pain. My husband has taken full responsibility but after 27 years together he's "not been happy for 1.5 yrs" but I was clueless and had no idea he'd been unhappy. Talk to the lawyer and see what your rights are and if you can do this amblicably it will save you lots of $$$. I'm so sorry for what you are going through and if you need someone to talk to private message me and I'll be glad to talk.

Me: 43
WH: 46
1DD: 23 (married and on her own)
Married almost 25 years
Together 27
DDay 2/10/13

Posts: 14 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, June 3rd (Monday)

Hi, cryeveryday, welcome to SI. I know it's not a welcome you thought you'd ever hear, but know that you are among those who have walked in your shoes. Your pain is our pain.

Meeting with an attorney is a good idea to protect you and your unborn child, but right now you must also take care of your health....try to sleep, eat, and drink plenty of fluids. If you cannot eat, try sipping some protein drinks, you must get nutrition into your body for your wee one!

Have you read the articles in the Healing Library? They are full of great articles that will help you understand you are not alone experiencing this painful emotional roller coaster.

Do you know who the OW is? Is she married?

Sending cyber hugs. You will find a great deal of support here, post as often as you need to.

Posts: 7589 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
New Member
Member # 39319
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, June 4th (Tuesday)

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this pain. As the other posters have said, keep yourself nourished for your baby. And seeking legal advice is great, I'm considering doing that myself. To stay or to leave is a hard decision when you have a baby to think about. I'll be sending happy thoughts your way.


Me - 25
FWH (BF at the time of A) - 27
DD - 10 weeks
His other daughter - 1 1/2

DDay - May 9

"You are strong and brave." - My fortune shortly after DDay, the cookie knew just what to say.

Posts: 19 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Tennessee
New Member
Member # 39421
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

dear cryeveryday,my pain is with u,i have the same pain as you...but one thing,be grateful that he had told you,mine still denies it,the more he denies it the more pain I will have,so be grateful,your husband or boyfriend finally told you the true,I would be so happy if my husband would the same thing,but thats heart goes to you,blees you....

Posts: 1 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 39377
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

So very sorry and sending some ((hugs)) your way. The healing library and SI forums, in addition to IC can be very helpful, and 180 has been very helpful for me. I can not imagine being pregnant as the fallout of infidelity takes place.

Posts: 70 | Registered: May 2013
New Member
Member # 39395
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

I'm so sorry to hear this. I just can't understand why people do this crap. You have to always be you - a good person! That's what helps me wake up the next day. And please, take care of yourself. Cry, let it out. But eat and sleep please! I know what it feels like and I wish I could take that pain away from you! My husband said the same about taking full responsibility. I know exactly what you mean when you say that it does not remove the pain.

Posts: 25 | Registered: May 2013
New Member
Member # 39435
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

Thank you for everyones kind words. I finally got some rest and did hold down some food. My husband is not a bad man. The last year he has had this struggle and it lead to this decision he made. It is out of character for him, but it is a action that he decided to take. I am at a fork in the road, if I am not at home then I am getting along fine, it is my home, my security, I feel that that security is lost, much like my emotions. I have always put him and our home first in my life and I know that I need to move out to heal. I just am afraid, afraid of people knowing, afraid of breaking up my family, afraid of his well being. I am going to put myself first in my needs and I want to walk both paths of trying to repair but building a secure place for myself. I still am crying everyday and have noticed that I am crying in my sleep. Not sure that this pain will ever end, or trust will ever be established but I do know that I need to do what is needed for me to heal.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

Dear Cry

It's so vey new for you AND you are pregnant.

First - so so sorry you are here. But we are here because we have been through it and care. You are not alone even if we all are strangers.

Please don't feel like you have to figure all of this out now. You are in shock and rightfully so.

Everyday the first thought must be about you and your baby. Priority #1.

Then take each day as it comes. Good days. Bad. You don't have to understand or rationalize anything right now.

Seek your IC's advice and take one day at a time.

It's not easy but God is in the tough stuff.

Sending healthy hugs

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1182 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

The pain WILL subside, it just takes a lot of that dumb thing called time.

Take care of yourself. You don't have to make big decisions other than what to eat and when to rest right now. The world feels crazy for a while, but it won't always. We're here for you.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17783 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
New Member
Member # 39423
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

I am at a fork in the road, if I am not at home then I am getting along fine, it is my home, my security, I feel that that security is lost, much like my emotions. I have always put him and our home first in my life and I know that I need to move out to heal. I just am afraid, afraid of people knowing, afraid of breaking up my family, afraid of his well being.

I also did not feel comfortable in my home. I wanted to escape from here every minute for about the first two weeks after D-Day.

Every where I looked in our home...I felt that it was all a lie. I thought that we had built so much together, and then after D-Day, it suddenly felt that I was somehow stupid by feeling pride in a lie.

Hugs to you, and hoping that you can take some time to check out the Healing Library. I am not yet one month out, but reading here has helped me so much.

D-Day 5/7/13 discovered his 12 year affair
BS - Me 50
WS - Hubby 51
Married (do I still call it that after this?) 33 yrs

Posts: 22 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 37583
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

I am also pregnant and dealing with an affair...stay strong...the baby is a blessing because she forces me to stay calm and rational...let me know what I can do for you

Me: 30, BS
Him: 30, WH
Married: 1 year, together for 7 years
1st child due in Sept 2013
DDay: 09/02/12, 09/22/12 admitted to EA ,false R, then 06/02/13 found out about PA & EA with same woman (OW is a coworker)
Hoping for R

Posts: 72 | Registered: Nov 2012
Topic Posts: 12