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User Topic: My (younger) brother had a stroke
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Frustrated  Posted: 12:00 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

Ugh. He's been a very angry man for the past, maybe, 6 years. He was drinking excessively. He woke up two Sundays ago unable to see. The stroke has affected only his eyes, but it's to the point that he has only pinpoint tunnel vision (if he tries to read, he can see the word, but when he moves on to the next one, he can no longer see the first one.)

Mom is still slowly slipping into dementia; she is taking medication for it, but at night, she gets pretty wonky. She keeps talking about the kids never telling her where they're going and not coming home for dinner (she lives alone... )

My sister-in-law has been a doll--she does all kinds of things for mom including cleaning up her yard, and mom hates her. Now, SIL is going to have to devote more time to my brother, so mom's situation is going to have to change.

I almost have her convinced to move into a senior facility, but she's very paranoid (this is her normal, nondementia state) and while she wants friends, she doesn't know how to be one (never has.) She disclosed that she's come into 'a lot' of money; before I moved to TX, we moved all of her accounts from NY to AZ, so I don't know where this one came from, but she claims it's an investment account. When I asked her how much, she said, "I'm not telling you!"

Some good thoughts would be appreciated.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20287 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Deeply Scared
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

(((Sad))) Sounds like alot is going on in your family...good thoughts to you and all involved

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

Posts: 198308 | Registered: May 2002
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)


I'll keep your family in my prayers..

Posts: 3419 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

Argh. What a plateful.

Prayers for your family.



Fidelity isn't a's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!

Posts: 21071 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not ....will be divorcing the selfish creep.

Posts: 8391 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

Damn Sad, sounds like a lot going on. Sending good thoughts your way.

Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4003 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

I feel for you, I really do. My grandmother had alzheimer's. It's hard to see someone going through that. I went over to help her one day, she walked from the kitchen to the living room then back to the kitchen and didn't know who I was.

An assisted living facility would be a good idea for your mom. They have people that can go in and check on her form time to time and it's not quite a nursing home.

Is your brother getting some kind of treatment for his stroke? How old is you brother, if you don't mind my asking.

Sending (((HUGS))) and positive thoughts your way.

Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

Hugs and positive thought for you and your family.

Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.

Posts: 6535 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)


I'm sorry for all you and your family are going through. Sending you strength and good thoughts.

Posts: 35901 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

You got it!


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15414 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)


Sending lots of good thoughts your way.

Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."

Posts: 38046 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

I'm so sorry. Sending good thoughts your way.

Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13809 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

Sad, I'm very sorry to hear that news.

"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21287 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

((((Sad)))) Holding you and your family in my thoughts. Hang in there, honey.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25744 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)


That's a lot to handle. How are you taking it all?

I hold you in my thoughts while you deal with all this.

Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24596 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17533 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Member # 17840
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)


This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Hamlet, Act I, Scene 3

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

All's Well That Ends Well, Act I, Scene 1

Posts: 6656 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: SE US
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

Sending you strength, Sad.

Me: BS
Him: WH

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Member # 26979
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)


I hate to hear that about your brother. Sounds like your sister in law will be real busy with him.

Your mother sounds like she "Sundowns". For some odd reason most dementia affected people tend to start getting worse with their symptoms at evening/night. In my opinion, I think a nursing home would be in her best interested but then again, it does depend on how far gone she is in the disease process.

IF she tends to get easily distracted, cannot hold her concentration for long periods of time, falls a lot, basically just not able to take care of her daily needs, these are things that really have to be looked at. Is she able to meet her basic needs without the assist of someone?

DDay: I can't remember but there were more than one

Divorced 06/2007

EXWH passed away 8/31/2011

Posts: 424 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: AL
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

Wishing you only positive things. I'm sorry you are dealing with so much.

D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie

Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

Just back from spending a long day with mom; I took her on a road trip. She does indeed seem to have Sundown syndrome. She wasn't making a lot of sense on the way home.

My brother hadn't spoken to me since election day-we're on opposite sides of the fence but I don't get into any political discussions with him. He just chose to spit venom that night, and I decided to get off the crazy train. Now I have to deal with him in order to get my mom's affairs in order (he's on all of her bank accounts), and it's not going to work because he needs to spend his energy on healing. I'm not sure how to proceed. This is going to be interesting.

My brother will be 54 tomorrow. He's been pushing his family away with his drinking over the past few years; my niece and nephews don't seem to be too concerned about him. I guess he's made his's tough because we used to be very close.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20287 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)


I am sorry you're dealing with all of this. I'm keeping you and your family in my prayers.

hugs too,


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5271 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)


“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44966 | Registered: Sep 2006
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

..(((((Sad)))))).. drama can sometimes push the limits.. sorry you are dealing with these challenges (mom and bro)

..sending you prayers and strength.


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf

Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)


very sorry to hear. sending lots of positive thoughts your way. and warm hugs too of course.

Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?

Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry Sad. You are dealing with alot, and it most probably will get worse before it gets better.

You may want to go ahead and get yourself added to all her accounts, and discuss with your brother about changing your Mom's POA and executor to yourself if he is currently the primary.

I dealt with all this same stuff for many many years, and it's not easy. Make sure you see YOUR doctor on a regular basis, and mention both your Mom's and your brother's conditions.

Stay strong sweetie.

me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1:
Episode 2:

Posts: 7102 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Member # 16590
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry for all you're going through..I can't imagine having to deal with so much.


Me: BW - I'm much too young to feel this damn old
Him: FWH - Midlife crisis with a pathetic porn wannabe
D-Day: August 2004; Lots of false R until February 2005.

It takes all kinds of kinds....Miranda Lambert

Posts: 3245 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: So Calif
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3450 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

((( sad )))

Sending you love...

♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥

Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
Topic Posts: 30