New Beginnings
User Topic: Dammit. I Knew Better.
Member # 17460
Frustrated  Posted: 12:34 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

DSD #2's birthday is today. I haven't seen her in over five years.

The only contact we've had has been me sending her birthday text messages and her acknowledging them. My conversation thread with her is very thin as a result.

Still...I hemmed and hawed for the past few weeks on even sending one this year. I have tried to stay on the high road and acknowledge her and her sister's birthdays even though it's painfully obvious they don't really want me in their lives. The last time DSD #1 contacted me was around the holidays. I've seen my(?) granddaughter twice since she was born - shortly after her birth and at Christmas. No contact since then, though I've pulled back myself (that "hot stove" theory we all know so well).

I've not been wished a Happy Birthday by either of them in years. Mother's Day? Naw. I guess my replacement has taken over for that.

As a result, I was *thisclose* to not sending it but relented this morning and off it went.

When I didn't see a response after a couple of hours, I sent a text to Rico asking if her number was the same thinking (hoping) it had changed.

It hasn't. It's pretty freaking obvious she received it and is choosing to not respond. I guess it is her way of permanently closing the door.

So be it. I guess you really can be in someone's life since they were 14 months old and raise them from 3 years old well into their twenties and still not mean a damn thing to them.

I really wish I had just listened to myself.

Oh well. Onward and upward.


Fidelity isn't a's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!

Posts: 21071 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13807 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25725 | Registered: Aug 2011
Deeply Scared
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

(((Aj))) Ouch I'm really sorry

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

Posts: 198273 | Registered: May 2002
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)


Posts: 35858 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

it's painfully obvious they don't really want me in their lives.

Print this out and put it on your fridge.



DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17488 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Random thoughts
Member # 2959
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

Their lost because most sane people would all who love them in their lives.

Speaks volumes about which life path they chosen to take.

Sorry it turned out this way. Time to close the doors and windows in that house.

Those three words are said too much and not enough.
Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol.

Posts: 1604 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Some where in New Jersey
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

ajsmom--sorry that happened. You are the bigger person and good for you for continuing to try and keep in contact. It really sucks that some people can be so cold, or cruel or maybe just clueless about those things. It really says more about her than it will ever say about you.

Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2125 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

I'm so sorry (((((((Ajsmom)))))))

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie

Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2707 | Registered: Jan 2010
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

(((((AJ's Mom))))

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Member # 30803
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)


I'm so sorry.

Me ($39.95 plus S & H)
DS1(17), DS2(15)

Enjoying this chapter in my life.
Learning that being alone does not mean being lonely.
Discovering that where I've been is not as important as where I'm going.

Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Right Here, Canada
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)

You know . . . This isn't about you. It is about not upsetting the apple art with their father, who would take it out on them. Plus, as they look to him for an example, well, you get the picture.

It doesn't make it any less hurtful.

However, the more I learn about NPD and its ripple effect on everyone around the narcissist, the more sense these seemingly random acts of cruelty make.

The narcissist's love and devotion is conditional and must be earned daily under a set of ever changing rules.


[This message edited by Catwoman at 7:34 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)]

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29662 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 14054
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

Just hugs for you...

Posts: 398 | Registered: Mar 2007
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)


They can never turn around and accuse you of abandoning them. Maybe one day they'll grow up emotionally and see how much you've done for them. If not, at least you can have peace that you tried.

DDay Feb. 28, 2013
"I am pretty sure enforcing the boundary is the most important part of the boundary"- Jerry Seinfeld

Posts: 769 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15413 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

So sorry. (((ajsmom)))

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52

Posts: 3208 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Member # 16671
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

I'm sorry honey. I came to that same conclusion about my nieces on XH side. I raised their moms so they were more like grand babies to me than nieces.

It hurts, and then you move on.


Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.

Posts: 4692 | Registered: Oct 2007
Member # 33934
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)


Me(35) XWW(36) DS(7) DD 11/16/11 EA(PA?) M 11y D 9/3/13

Don't make anyone a priority when you are only an option.

Posts: 1148 | Registered: Nov 2011
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

And now you know better some more. I'm sorry you're hurt. (((((ajsmom)))))

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20284 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

Ouch !
She knows you are there and thinking of her and that is OK.


It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20383 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

(((AJ))) I'm so sorry you're hurting. Yep arseholes

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

Posts: 8459 | Registered: Apr 2008
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

That really sucks. I'm so sorry.

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8075 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 38705
Default  Posted: 12:50 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

I am so sorry.

maybe the final closure you need to remember...

Sometimes it's lonely, Sometimes it's only me & the shadows that fill this room...
But it's a great day to be alive & the sun still shines when I close my eyes ~Travis Tritt

Posts: 83 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, June 6th (Thursday)


I'm sorry. I hope that when they come around and realize that you ARE "mom"...that it won't be too late. But I also wish for you to be free from this pain.

Posts: 3419 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

((AJM)) I'm sorry. You've been in my thoughts since you posted this.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7764 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Topic Posts: 26