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User Topic: She needs to "Conquer Men"
BrokenBill
New Member
Member # 39227
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

Anyone out there ever heard this reason for having multiple affair partners one after another?

In her exact words: "I feel the need to conquer men."

This came out in one of our recent conversation about the why's and how's of her infidelity. It struck me cold but it's maybe the first honest thing i have got out of her so far.

Broken Bill


The opposite of Love is not Hate, it's Indifference.

Me - Betrayed Spouse - Age:43
Her - Serial Adulterer Wife - Age:38
Affair partners - 3 in 16 months (+2 more unconfirmed)

D-Day 18 March 2013
Together 8 Years, Married 6 Years


Posts: 23 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Canada
WakingFromADream
Member
Member # 33934
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

I haven't heard that one but it sounds like an excuse rather than an underlying reason. It may be the start of figuring out what her motivations were. The next question is why she felt like she needed to "conquer" men?


Me(35) XWW(36) DS(7) DD 11/16/11 EA(PA?) M 11y D 9/3/13

Don't make anyone a priority when you are only an option.


Posts: 1148 | Registered: Nov 2011
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

In her exact words: "I feel the need to conquer men."

Um...

Is she in IC? Because with a comment like that I think she really needs to be there. Conquer men? I really don't know what to say.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
toomanyregrets
Member
Member # 37740
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

Now that's a new one.

I guess you were "conquered" years ago.

Maybe it's time to get away from an attitude like that.


BH - 64
fWW - 60

"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife


Posts: 468 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Upstate NY
lordhasaplan?
Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

I dont know what conquering a man looks like but my guess is she never conquered anything. My questions if she were my WW. What was the end game, what does a conquered man look like? What need is this conquering meeting? Why do you feel the need to conquer? and why is its value greater than her commitment to you and your relationship?


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1899 | Registered: Nov 2010
atsenaotie
Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

A beginning, so the next question "Why did she feel a need to conquer men?" What is she doing to replace this need to conquer men?


FBS 54
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4130 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

I feel I may understand what she means. It is ego stroking and validation, really. It builds her up to "conquer" men, especially if they are married. If her "golden va jay jay" can lure a man away from his spouse to have sex with her, she feels powerful, superior. Men can't resist her! The more men, the more powerful, superior, beautiful she feels.

If men are particularly resistant to her charms, the more she needs to seduce them. Proves to herself how utterly irresistible she is.

This is my take on it anyway.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9667 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
RyeBread
Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

I think SisterMilkshake hit the nail on the head. Sounds like your WS is very insecure and needs to do some major IC to get that resolved.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

Well, perhaps you should cut her free to conquer away. Tell her, I feel the need for a faithful spouse, so I''m cutting you free so that you can be happy and I can be happy. I''ll have my lawyer send you the divorce papers and then we both can live happily ever after. BTW, move out of my bedroom today.

And do it. If the shock snaps her head from her neighter region, then you can always put a pause on the divorce, but as long as she feels the need to go out and put another man-shaped rubber stamp on her Vagina Passbook, you shouldn''t be married to her.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4805 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
painpaingoaway
Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

Yep, sister nailed it.

I read on here a while back that there was a WW that 'got off' on luring men into her clutches just so she could 'see the look in their eyes as they realized they had just sold their souls'. Chilling. And IMO, a sign of a sociopathic personality.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7056 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Lovedyoumore
Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

The single OW in our life we call Hagrid, or Hag for short, is a conqueror in every aspect of her life. She lives her life recklessly swinging away at every person in her path. She takes jobs, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, and husbands. She is the ultimate queen bee and mean girl. She stated that she was her Daddy's little princess and she still has to have everything her little heart desires. Pretty sick at 36. If you have it she wants it. She thinks nobody likes her because she is such a strong woman. No, nobody likes her because she steals, plunders, and "conquers" everything in her small life.
I cannot imagine her ever being in a real relationship because she alone has to steer everything.

Bill, take a look at her whole life and see what else she has to conquer. FOO issues drive many sexual compulsion activities, so if this is really her issue, she has a lot of IC coming before you can work on your M.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1474 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
mj052
Member
Member # 38495
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

My wayward husband has "the damsel in distress" syndrome. It seems the more problems they have and the more unattractive they are- the better!! And I believe it's true- they stroke his ego and it's his own sick need for validation. Like he's saving these women! It's all so sad and pathetic! IC all the way!!!


Trust is a fragile thing- once its lost it's gone forever!!

Posts: 248 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: mj052
CobreGuy
Member
Member # 23249
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

I do not think the word "conquer" means what she thinks it means. . . . .

Posts: 56 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Pacific Northwest
LonelyHusband
Member
Member # 34145
Default  Posted: 1:53 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

I do not think the word "conquer" means what she thinks it means. . . . .

Inconceivable!


BS ( me) 41
fWS (OktoberMest) 35
D day #1 29/10/2011, D day #2 15/112011, D day #3 15/03/2012
Reconciling.
“It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”, is inadequate consolation when you vacuum up a child's hamster'

Posts: 1290 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: UK
Dare2Trust
Member
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 2:36 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

This made me spew my late night coffee on my keyboard, I laughed so hard:
but as long as she feels the need to go out and put another man-shaped rubber stamp on her Vagina Passbook, you shouldn't be married to her.


Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.


Posts: 6121 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
BrokenBill
New Member
Member # 39227
Default  Posted: 5:06 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

Thanks to all of you for caring and taking time out to reply, your support goes a long long way... ((H))

As far as i can tell, her "Conquering men" is an "Acting Out" of some serious childhood abuse. She also displays all the signs of a Borderline Personality Disorder except for drugs/drinking, she's the Super Control Freak so that's not an option! Seems our whole marriage has been a well orchestrated lie, she’s been doing this since before we met.

Borderline Personality Disorder - http://gettinbetter.com/anatomy.html

The love letter (not an email) from her one Affair Partner says, Quote:

"I am into making love and believe it is a partner activity where both contribute equally and fully. Also, I would never never want to cause you any pain, emotionally or physically, less maybe a little discomfort you sometimes experienced when i sucked and nibbled on your nipples - that i intend to keep doing."

FYI, she never really participated in sex with me either. Early on I thought it would improve with love, closeness, the security of marriage and i made that space for her. It never was taken up and i eventually gave up on our sex life in September 2011. Often it felt more like silent rape than loving sex. She would rather go to the gym or run or (anything) other than share intimacy, make love, give or receive pleasure.

So, it's not about the sex per say, it's the power trip, ego feeding, self boosting, the chase, the conquer, the take, the deception ...the thrill of fucking around (rather than the actual fucking)... That's her drug.

Still, it's disgusting behavior. It's not an excuse.

So it's tempting to run into my corner and throw up the victim card. I felt nauseous waiting to see the divorce lawyer and i'm not ready to run away from this. For sure, the biggest personal/moral challenge of my life. There is a part of me that wants to understand, be strong and there for her if she is sick, but am i just throwing myself on her grenade?

I'm doing 180 ...finally, and have started IC over the phone, it's the best i can do until i return to Canada, we are on foreign assignment until the end of September this year. Counseling is helping but i am getting better support here on SI from you all. The articles, links, other people's stories and comments are giving me perspective, direction and strength. Counselling, i'm just telling the story AGAIN, like i haven't been over it a billion times in my head already! I see the value in it though, not knocking it.

As for her: She is not wanting to own ANY of her shit (fog). In fact she's walking around like she just won the Lotto, big smiles and joyful. She said sorry and everything's better now, ahhh ...nice! I know she's taking this game to another level behind a fake attempt at patching things up.

Does this kind of person need to be almost forced into IC and MC?
I'm trying to put my best foot forward, really trying but it's so hard.
Man, i'm hurting.

BrokenBill


The opposite of Love is not Hate, it's Indifference.

Me - Betrayed Spouse - Age:43
Her - Serial Adulterer Wife - Age:38
Affair partners - 3 in 16 months (+2 more unconfirmed)

D-Day 18 March 2013
Together 8 Years, Married 6 Years


Posts: 23 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Canada
njgal480
Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

This describes the MOW in my FWS's case.

She was married to a really nice guy, had three children and yet was a serial cheater throughout her 30+ year marriage.

She had her first LTA with a married co-worker right after she got married, she cheated before during and after the birth of her children.

Her first LTA was discovered by her husband 30 yrs ago.

He decided to stay married but....he thought he could 'nice' her into being a good wife.

He never set down boundaries,never demanded she change jobs,never made demands for transparency and truth, never demanded IC or MC -just swept it all under the rug.

and guess what?

she continued cheating on him with married co-workers for 30 years!

This middle aged mother of three would prance around her professional office showing men her thong and even exposing her breasts! (This was an accounting office for heaven's sake!).

She stalked her victims and pursued them relentlessly.

( I am not excusing my FWH's part in this at all...just trying to stay focused on this sort of woman).

I do believe that conquering married men was what attracted the MOW to my FWH.

He was a challenge because he did not succumb to her immediately.

It took a year of pursuit but after that he was off and running.

I found all of this behavior so difficult to understand that I searched for info online and in books.

Borderline Personality disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder as well as female sociopath.

A good book by Charlotte Kasl: Women, Sex, and Addiction -A search for Love and Power


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3163 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
stronger08
Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

I agree she most likely suffered some sort of early abuse at the hands of a man. You see behaviors like that with many men. We call them ladies men, a player etc. Its more about the hunt and chase than the actual sex acts. Most of these guys act out in that fashion due to an overbearing female presence in their early childhoods. Same for serial rapists. They basically harbor a hatred for women due to their experiences in their pasts. Its all about control and dominance. The difference with a female harboring these traits is that they have no need to rape as the woman pretty much has control over the sex acts. She has the final say as to if she wants to or not. I'm not trying to compare rape to infidelity here. And I apologize if anyone is offended. I'm only trying to explain my interpretation of the pathology of these folks.

Most women enter into affairs due to a lack of self esteem. The actual sex is just a trade off for another form of adulation IE attention, validation etc. But from what you she has said I don't think self esteem is the problem. I think she uses men and sex as a means to quell other demons. And those demons most likely developed in her upbringing. I would not be surprised if she was sexually abused as a kid. And if my assessment is correct she has some really serious issues that require deep and regular therapy. To "CONQUER" is just another term to dominate. And I feel her need for dominance stems from her childhood. The woman need some intense help. The kind that you can not provide. If she wants her life to change she has much work to do. And that work will require her to revisit situations she has long ago buried. I would not expect a quick fix here my friend. If she evens agrees to therapy its going to take years to get to a better place. This is only my opinion. I'm no doctor but she exhibit's traits that are very scary to say the least. Good luck my friend.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5661 | Registered: Nov 2007
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

I'm Sorry, Broken Bill.

This strikes me as extreme narcissism, like Perv has. Others have said it on your thread, too.

Validation is needed by all of us and it is said by some that the best validation should come from within. But it's a struggle oftentimes and with Perv, he even admitted that his ego validation and "feel good" stuff came from other people.

He twisted it though, and said I failed at feeding his ego, when it was him that shut me out. I was there all the while, rooting me on, but he decided I wasn't enough for him.

He is also a sex addict and hid porn from me, somehow, and believed that the acts he saw are real. He was not daring enough to do them with me, so found someone without standards who would F a married man and she got attached to him and supposedly, vice versa.

What I think she is and I was, is a living situation he liked for a while, but he didn't want responsibility as he aged and that's what he had here as a married guy.

I have to wonder if you were a good situation for your WW for a long time and maybe has some similar things going on that Perv did/does.

He feels very in control with his version of sex and yes, feels like he conquers women. I saw this first hand during false reconciliation, where he made being physical a direct challenge to me and actually stood there to see what I could do.

He was so strange in demeanor, so different than the 20 years I had known him, a stranger in my husband's body, which is even different in physical appearance.

I'm sorry to write all about my situation but did in an effort not to generalize and show an example of "conquering" with sex.

The theory on the change in him is that there were significant life pressures-job loss and such-and he took to physical acts like porn as a vice, also.

Reading about narcissism (NPD) really helped me and still does, because I can understand more how to "relate" to him now. Narcissism is all about ego and can be related to sex for some people who have it.

The hard part is that a person doesn't know they have it, many times and it is ill advised to try to be the one to tell them.

If you ever want to "talk" more about it, feel free to PM me anytime, for this really helped me to understand that I think nothing I could have done would turn back the tide.

I'm sorry for your difficult time.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

P.S. And, FWIW, a theory about him now is that he got married so I was locked in to only "being" with him, but he doesn't have the same boundaries, so he could kind of rest assured that I would be "good" and he didn't have to.

He spoke of M with OW and I suspect this in her future, because I've also heard rumors that they will have an "open" relationship. I could not, so I didn't "work" for him anymore.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
atsenaotie
Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

Hi BrokenBill,

From what you wrote in your posts, your WW sounds very similar to my FWW at dday. With FWW it was control, she liked the feeling of control in relationships with men, and sex was a tool for maintaining that control. She also liked “winning” or being better than the OM’s BS.

She also displays all the signs of a Borderline Personality Disorder except for drugs/drinking,

FWW had 7 of the 9 BPD traits, she was never diagnosed BPD but definitely had the traits. FWW has some knowledge of counseling and mental illness, and was very wary of a BPD diagnosis. After 2+ years of work and IC she is better, but the underlying BPD traits, behaviors, and miss-perceptions are still there. When she is under stress she has a tendency to revert back to her old behaviors and thoughts.

She would rather go to the gym or run or (anything) other than share intimacy, make love, give or receive pleasure.

It was the same for us. Sex was very intense and exciting when we were dating, but soon (weeks) after M sex dropped way off. FWW was afraid of having an emotionally intimate connection, afraid she would loose herself if she let anyone (me) inside her defensive cocoon. I now know that we would do doggy style a lot because she could more easily detach from the act and think about shopping lists or the next day’s activities.

Still, it's disgusting behavior. It's not an excuse.

Agreed, an explanation perhaps, but not an excuse.

There is a part of me that wants to understand, be strong and there for her if she is sick, but am i just throwing myself on her grenade?

Yes. I too had to work through this question. I decided I would stay while she was earnestly working on her issues. I was at a point where I felt safe in the M, and there were reasons not to be in a hurry to D. FWW did accomplish a lot and is a different person in her behaviors and thoughts, but she and the M were still not meeting my needs. Last fall we had plans to separate and D, then she lost her job, so we are still together. She says she wants us to work and I can see her trying, but I do not think she is capable of being as open, honest, emotionally intimate, and sexual as I want a partner to be.

As for her: She is not wanting to own ANY of her shit (fog). In fact she's walking around like she just won the Lotto, big smiles and joyful.

It took FWW 6-7 months to own her A. In the first few months after dday she would tell me that she was glad I found out about her As. My having to forgive her for her As made it easier for her to forgive me for being a crappy H. It was another 4-5 months until she decided she really did want to be M to me, and she started the real work to understand and fix her issues.
Does this kind of person need to be almost forced into IC and MC?

No, you cannot force a person to attend IC and benefit from it. All you can do is decide where your boundaries are, communicate them to your WW, and then enforce them. I mentioned above that it was about a year after dday that FWW decided that she wanted to stay M to me and began to do the work she needed to do. This occurred while I was moved out of the house. FWW had broken an agreed to boundary while visiting her family for a long weekend and when I called her on it she challenged me. When she returned home a few days later I picked her up at the airport, dropped her at the house and left. I had already packed my things.

While I was moved out, FWW experienced being separated, arriving to children’s school events separate and sitting separate, being alone in the house. This is when she decided she did want to stay M to me, and began to work on herself in IC and with books. After a few weeks of her doing this, and some “dating”, I moved back into the house. She worked on her issues for over 2 years. I detached some from her and the M during this time and worked on me. She is now much better and healthier, but our M is more companionship than love for me. She still withdraws and detaches when under stress. Sex is improved, but only 2-3x a month.

IF (big if) your WW does decide to own her issues and try to repair herself and the M it will be a long and difficult journey. BPD types are notoriously resistant to treatment, but there is therapy that works. Do not wait for her. You can “not divorce” if you want while she is working on her issues, but work on yourself during this time. Re-invent yourself. I went back to activities I had given up after M, got in better shape, expanded my social network. While FWW worked on her stuff, I got to acceptance and well along on me healing.

There is no reason to stay with a partner who has mental illness and is not making an effort to treat it. There is no reason to stay with a WS who is not remorseful and working to repair whatever led him or her to having an A.

There is rational for “not divorcing” and working on your stuff for awhile after dday so long as you feel safe in the M. By feeling safe I mean your WS is being transparent enough that you are reasonably confident that NC is holding, and that you health and finances are not at risk.

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 9:28 AM, June 6th (Thursday)]


FBS 54
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4130 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

Bill I understand you wanting to give R a go, I also can see this from an outsider, and know that you are heading for a big bad world of hurt, if you try to nice her back to the M.

You need to sit her down, and tell her you are willing to R if she does XYZ, make your demands of R very clear, and also make very clear that should she not choose to do these things, or fake it, and hide her behaviors she is currently engaging in that you are done. Be very calm, and clear on these things.

She wants to think that saying sorry is it, and all is well again? No Don't allow her to rugsweep and minimize. Your wife is sick, and needs some serious IC to deal with issues she has not resolved or even begun to deal with.

Keep putting you first, make sure you are eating and sleeping.

(((and strength ))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8530 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
keptmypromise
Member
Member # 36178
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

This is a good one. I wonder how many of the men she had sex with felt "conquered" after they ejaculated?


Me - BH 54 years
Her - WS 46 years
DD - 6/13/11 (2 total that i know of)
DD - 14
DD - 11
In R...The long and Winding Road

Posts: 254 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Ohio
atsenaotie
Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

I wonder how many of the men she had sex with felt "conquered" after they ejaculated?

The OM probably felt conquered by her about as often as she felt like she had been f*cked and pleasured by a "Real Stud" afterwards.

They were both using each other to experience their own projections.


FBS 54
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4130 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
doggiediva
Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

I posted a response today in your how deep and how rotten thread..
I think it applies here too :/
Please take good care of yourself..


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1183 | Registered: Nov 2011
ReunitePangea
Member
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, June 6th (Thursday)

In her exact words: "I feel the need to conquer men."

I dont think this is simply an excuse but is getting at some of the reasons of why. You might want to explore if she trying to conquer the OM or is she also trying to conquer you.

I think my WW LTA was partially about control / power in our relationship. The loss of control was one of the first things she expressed following DDay. Being able to keep something a secret from me, "outsmarting me", and having the power to do what she wants in the A gave her power / control. Conquer may just be her word for expressing the power / control that she felt.


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 484 | Registered: Nov 2012
jjct
Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, June 6th (Thursday)

She needs to conquer men because she cannot conquer herself.


Posts: 6590 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
nofool4u
Member
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, June 6th (Thursday)

The only man she is conquering is you if you stay with her. This is the exact kind of woman I adamantly advise divorcing.


Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
Dare2Trust
Member
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, June 6th (Thursday)

Broken Bill,

If this state by you means - you believe she's still in "affair mode"....then I really have to ask: Why aren't you kicking her butt to the curb, and seeking a divorce?

I know she's taking this game to another level behind a fake attempt at patching things up.

Many of us - BS as well as WS have endured childhood sexual abuse - and we don't, and never have engaged in infidelity, or adulterous affairs.

Has your wife been diagnosed with BPD by a professional therapist? This is a very distrubing diagnosis - that doesn't respond to treatment in a quick, positive way. Are you prepared to live in a marriage with such a dismal outlook? I do understand trying to live a productive life with a close family member with this diagnosis - and I could not even imagine trying to live a happy productive life with a BPD spouse...especially with a spouse who has already cheated.

I'm sincerely sorry for the pain and turmoil you're going through.


Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.


Posts: 6121 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
crisp
Member
Member # 34236
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, June 6th (Thursday)

Epic post by atsenaotie. Listen to him.


Endeavor to persevere. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csEzTwKemwY

Posts: 383 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: NE US
Topic Posts: 30