Off Topic
User Topic: Letting a friend go
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

So tired of my friend, D's behaviour. Constant, "we need to get together", "I have forgotten about you!" "I will call you!"

You know what? Don't!

I have overlooked her breaking plans with either me or me and the kids (after telling them too!) for years now. It's gotten worse in the last year or so. So much so that I stopped calling her. Then she would reach out to me. I would respond and she would either not respond or cancel. Enough!

The fact that she forgot my bday was one thing. I can get over that. But then she wrote me about it, apologizing. When I wrote back a jokey email saying I was wondering what the heck happened she accused me of being sarcastic, angry and disappointed! I showed my H and he said I was not being sarcastic or angry.

Anyway....this seems so childish but I am just tired of saying, "that's okay." or "don't worry about it."

I think I have little time for excuses and bad behaviour since the A broke.

I am so glad I did not confide in her about the A. Part of me wanted to thinking it would bring us closer. Crazy thought. But glad I recognize it as such now.

Bye friend.

[This message edited by LA44 at 10:56 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)]

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2463 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

Sounds like your friend is as selfish as mine was. I ended a 25 yr friendship a couple of years ago. I finally decided that I'm just not willing to invest my time and effort into people who don't deserve it.

Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13811 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)

..hey LA,

..i came to the very same conclusion for a couple of 'so-called' friends..

..i realized that they were users and it was always me making the effort to see them.

..i finally wised up and cut them both off..

..screw them.. real friends are few and far between, if they even exist at all.

..sadly, i learned my lesson the hard way!!
(double betrayal)

..calling someone a friend is a risk we take, a risk i am no longer willing to attempt.

..if i want a true friend, i'll go get me a DOG!!!!


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf

Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
JKL Vikings
Member # 32094
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

Sometimes you have to let a friend go. If you get to appoint where ALL the effort is one-sided or they only call when they need something, those are hints.
What I am about to say applies to romantic relationships and friendships alike:
If it's important you find a way. You make the time
It's that simple

Her- Alpha Female 40
Me-FWH 42
Married since '02, together since 2000
D-day 2/10/2009
3 sons- J- born Oct 2001
K- born Sept. 2005
L- born Apr. 2008
We ALL have issues. It's how we deal with them that makes the difference

Posts: 524 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Dallas, TX
Member # 18375
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

Hmmmm!! I broke up with one of mt BFF's after a fall out in Cesar's Palace..that was the worst trip to Vegas i have ever had....

I' still havent made up my mind abt calling my other BFF of 20 plus years who called me a 'selfish bitch' out loud in a restaurant in front of the bar tender and patrons.....

People come into your life for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime..

Posts: 1801 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Texas
Member # 18375
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

Oops! Not sure what happened.....
You have to know when to say enough is enough...

People come into your life for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime..

Posts: 1801 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Texas
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

I had to do the same thing a couple of years ago. The friendship was so one-sided.

FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 5980 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Member # 30803
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

I've had to let a few "friends" go too over the years.

Personally, I've found that lately, I have no patience for anyone whose words say one thing while their actions say another.

Sometimes, people really suck.

Me ($39.95 plus S & H)
DS1(17), DS2(15)

Enjoying this chapter in my life.
Learning that being alone does not mean being lonely.
Discovering that where I've been is not as important as where I'm going.

Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Right Here, Canada
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

I had a close friend for over 20 years. Loved, loved, loved her and her hubby.

She had a short fuse and over the years had gotten angry at me for various reasons that were just silly IMO. I knew it was her personality so I let it go. (pre-IC )

Until a few years ago...she started hanging out with friends we went to high school with. We were in the middle of R and it just wasn't for me, bar hopping etc.

Prior to this we would see each other whenever. We were both busy had demanding jobs and didn't have lots of time...and that was ok.

Until she started going out all the time. She started to be angry with me for not going...until one day after yet another one word answer to a text I sent her and I had enough. I ended the friendship and haven't talked to her since.

I am 45 and don't need my "friend" being angry at me unless I did something to truly be angry about.

I was a great friend and I loved her, so I finally stopped allowing her to act as though I wasn't.

I miss her still, but know I deserve better.

I think I have little time for excuses and bad behaviour since the A broke.

^^^ yup ^^^

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3846 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, June 6th (Thursday)


Its a very difficult thing to do. I've done it with one about 5 years ago and recently added her on FB afer she sent me a request over a year ago. she gave me her number to call her, but I don't want to. I am willing to be in contact on FB, but I'm not ready to back to "the way things were". She was really verbally abusive to me at times.

Kuddos to you for doing it. Now it leaves room in your life for those who really do want to be a real friend.

Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?

Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Topic Posts: 10