Just Found Out
User Topic: here again.
Member # 37618
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

I thought we were doing well. My WW found faith and we were closer than ever. Our pastor recommended we let go of the past, and as he is a licensed psychologist I went about the process of rug sweeping. Please let me be a warning and a reminder for all, that she went right back to it as soon as my guard was down. We are separating, and moving quickly to divorce. I wish that I had listened to the wisdom of these boards more intently, that I might not be here now. Hindsight I guess is 20/20. For those that worry about a second time, it does not sting as much. It still hurts, but the pain just doesn't debilitate like it did before. Say a prayer for my family, if you would. I know we all get through this, I just wish I was at the end.

Married 6-10-11
DDay 11-17-2012
DDay #2 6-5-13
Divorced 9-23-13

Posts: 123 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry to hear this. Sending you and your family (((Hugs))) strength and prayers.

Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Member # 29541
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

((hugs)) and strength for you.

We all think our situation is "different", that our love is "stronger", that our marriage is somehow going to make it where others didn't. I understand how easy it is to rugsweep...

Posts: 787 | Registered: Sep 2010
sinsof thefather
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry you are here and that she betrayed you again. Sending you and your family prayers.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1890 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
Member # 38975
Helpless  Posted: 4:55 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

So so sorry. Of course we will say prayers.

Stay strong and know that you will come out the otherside.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1224 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

Sorry B&A!!!

For those that worry about a second time, it does not sting as much. It still hurts, but the pain just doesn't debilitate like it did before

I agree. It was actually freeing for me because I knew something was "off" and when I had d-day #2 discovery a few years later, I knew I wasn't the one with the problem.

It also made it really easy to walk away. He knew another A was a deal-breaker. I knew I had done everything I could and wasn't walking away without at least trying.

Come join us in Divorce & Separation...and when you are ready New Beginnings (it's not just about dating, it's about starting your single life, on your own).

BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3250 | Registered: Dec 2008
Member # 32211
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

On the one hand, sorry she can't get her sh!t together, but on the other hand and this is definitely not flippant by any means, congratulations. She has done you a huge favour by not prolonging this BS for years and years to come and wasting more of your time and life on someone who just isn't worth it!

BS: 40
WS: 42
Two boys 13/11
Married 15 years
Dday: too Many to remember. 3 significant OW and many "less"'significant OW. Believe WS has bad boundaries and craves the attention.
In R.

Posts: 883 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)

Prayers and strength for the journey.

as he is a licensed psychologist

I am truly sorry you ran into him.

BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3032 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 37618
Default  Posted: 3:56 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

You know it all had to have been for a reason. It is so liberating being in the house by myself. Strange, but liberating. I slept better last night than I have in the past month or so when I realized she was up to her old tricks. It was completely out of my control, so now I just roll with it. For now I get to enjoy the little things, and be grateful that I am young enough to move on and hopefully eventually start a family with a woman who deserves me. Knowing that its not the end of the world might seem like a no-brainer, but I'm not sure I was in the same place the last betrayal.

Married 6-10-11
DDay 11-17-2012
DDay #2 6-5-13
Divorced 9-23-13

Posts: 123 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

Sorry to hear that she didn't have it in her.

You seem to have your head in a good place, and that will help you.

Once things settle down, I think you need to send your Pastor a long letter about how rugsweeping fixes nothing, and that he is doing his congregants a great diservice reccommending that. Unfortunately being a Licensed Psych does not make you competent to help others. Shame on him.

((((and strength))))

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8744 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 38499
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

I'm so sorry... you and your family will be in my prayers

BW - Me (33)
FWH - Him (34)
Married - 8years
D-Day - 06/06/12
Status - Trying...things are good :)

Posts: 77 | Registered: Feb 2013
Topic Posts: 11