I have been realizing lately that I don't think I want to see my IC any longer. I love her, she has really supported me through some of the worst times in my life...but I feel like I almost need a break from digging now.
She and I talked about it last session and she said I have done so much hard work, after a while, it is normal to recognize when you are nearing the end of the hard work
EX is an annoying fly buzzing around, but have let go of everything. Dated a few more guys, but the second I smell bullshit...I send them packing and don't look back. I am happy with who I am. I'm still working on taking down some walls, but overall...I'm learning to accept attention from men.
I told my dd's IC that I'm taking a break for the summer. DD is talking to me about her Dad...not her Dad and not her IC. So, I told her that I want to spend the summer just making sure I am connected to dd and just having fun. I told EX that he needed to find his own IC and figure out why our dd will not discuss anything with him. As long as dd is talking to me....he is on his own.
I feel like I just want a complete break...from the pain of the past. Like I'm done with it.
We have made one more revision to our SA and will be filing at the end of the summer. I feel nothing but happy to finally file. By the time it is final, probably late this year, I will have been S for three years. EX asked to not file yet...I refused.
I like this third year of healing. me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings