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User Topic: Midlife Crisis - am I having one?
stupidstupidme
Member
Member # 11888
DOH!  Posted: 9:23 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

I'm not sure, but it feels like maybe I am to me. I feel... unsettled. Restless. Like I need to be doing something different.

Lots of changes this year... lots. Well, over the last two years, other than my job, my life changed totally. Maybe that's part of it.

I'm not unhappy - that comes and goes. I'm just... not quite sure where I belong anymore. Is that a midlife crisis?


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19704 | Registered: Aug 2006
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

Neh, I don't think so, now if you go get something pierced, or tatoo'd, change your hair drastically and start dressing like a 20 year old I don't think so.

At this point, it's more like a lets stop and evaluate where we are in life, am I happy with it? If not what do I want to change. I get the unsettled feeling.

I ended up making a big career change about 2 years ago, because I was unhappy, and mistreated with my job. I loved the work that I was doing, but I really was getting the shaft from my employer. So I switched it up, got a job that led to my dream job, that was awesome, unfortunately it was ripped away from me unexpectedly, thanks Obamacare...But I landed in another similar job, and it totally low stress, and I think I needed that with a lot going on at home with teen age kids, and my H's health. I just want to stay in a calm low stress job right now.

I hope you figure out what's causing the unsettled feeling, and find a way to feel more fufilled.

((((SSM))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7791 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
stupidstupidme
Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

find a way to feel more fufilled

yes... this. Thanks. That is how I'm feeling... empty.


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19704 | Registered: Aug 2006
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, June 6th (Thursday)

I'm going through the same thing; if it's a midlife crisis, I'm going to live to be 120!

Seriously, it's an 'old age' thing for me; I'm looking for a place where I can put down roots, perhaps finally live the life I've always wanted and life simply and frugally enough to perhaps not have to work full time for the rest of my life.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19789 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
jrc1963
Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, June 6th (Thursday)

SSM - you're not old enough yet for a Midlife Crisis...

However I've been feeling that way a little bit, but I'm thinking it's Perimenopause.


Me: BSO - 45
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24331 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, June 6th (Thursday)

I think it's less about mid-life, and more about being in a time of great change.

Like I need to be doing something different.
Try to sit with this feeling and suss out what it's about.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24394 | Registered: Aug 2011
TrulyReconciled
Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, June 6th (Thursday)

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/694

Actually ... she's just the right age for a midlife crisis.

Having been through this with someone else from my point of view it's simple: Do the people closest to you treat you like a stranger (because they expect the 'old you' and you've 'changed.')??

They say the typical MLC runs three - seven years and goes through phases - http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/mlc_overview_stages.html

It usually seems all wonderful and fuzzy and provocative to the person having the MLC - but is often devastating to those closest to that person.

This isn't to say that change and personal growth aren't great things - they are - it's just often pretty hard on everyone else.

[This message edited by TrulyReconciled at 2:16 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 20891 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, June 6th (Thursday)

My MLC biggest change, taking up a hobby that has turned into a business with my H and Kids. We are beekeepers. The bad thing about this is we don't do much from November-February.

I find it very fufilling, and makes me use my brain.
And it's very calming, working with the bees.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7791 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
stupidstupidme
Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, June 6th (Thursday)

I think I am at the right age too... will be 41 soon. But I am definitely not having fun. It sucks, and gets me frustrated. I definitely think all the changes are a huge part of it.

There are questions in my head like:

How did I get here?
What is fulfilling for me now?
What are my priorities, and are they the ones they should be?
Where am I going now?


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19704 | Registered: Aug 2006
TrulyReconciled
Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, June 6th (Thursday)

It's definitely not fun.

Well, maybe if you end up with a red sports car.


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 20891 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, June 6th (Thursday)

it's very calming, working with the bees

'calm' must be a subjective word...

I applaud you for doing this, tushnurse. I hope you don't live in an area where you have to worry about Africanized bees. I just about had my fill of them in AZ...


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19789 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, June 6th (Thursday)

it's very calming, working with the bees

'calm' must be a subjective word...

I applaud you for doing this, tushnurse. I hope you don't live in an area where you have to worry about Africanized bees. I just about had my fill of them in AZ...


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19789 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
truthsetmefree
Member
Member # 7168
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, June 6th (Thursday)

A few years older than you, ssm, but I've been experiencing this "funk" for the last few years. It's exactly as you describe. It's not that you are exactly unhappy...you just aren't exactly sure *what* you are. My analogy is that of a sense of going to a new amusement park. It's incredibly enticing in the pictures. It's exciting as you move from one ride to another. But after a while, you start to see that it's just one rollercoaster after another, packaged differently but ultimately much the same ride...a certain level of predictability and an underwhelming sense of, Is this IT?

It's drama detox. Withdrawals are a bitch but there's an incredible contentment in living "clean". After a while, the emptiness subsides and you become quite content to just sit and soak up life rather than try to bottle it and control it. Sometimes we just have to learn how to feel a different normal.

Don't fight this. Don't even worry about what it is or isn't.

[This message edited by truthsetmefree at 7:24 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


Posts: 7682 | Registered: May 2005
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, June 7th (Friday)

SSM yes you are the right age for MLC, and it does sound like what you are going through. You may also be experiencing some perimenopause. This happens long before real menopause, and the hormones get all wonky, and it can affect your mood. If you make a few changes and continue to feel that way , make atrip to the OB/GYN, ask for hormone levels to be drawn.

(((((SSM))))

Sad,
Nope no issues with the africianized bees. Seriously when you get into a hive, and start looking to make sure they are healthy, and there are eggs, pollen, nectary, brood, etc it is very calming. You have to move slow and steady as not to upset them, you have to focus on what you are doing too. It's kinda like yoga.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7791 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
SoVerySadNow
Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, June 8th (Saturday)


Well, maybe if you end up with a red sports car.

I did...
I know what you mean by restless. It's like waiting for something. I keep busy.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
notmeanymore
Member
Member # 9772
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, June 8th (Saturday)

I'm 43 and can relate to this also.

I am in the process of changing jobs, which after 21 years at my current job is a huge move for me.

I feel like I'm looking back at my life and wondering about the path I chose. And I'm not so sure about what the future holds for me either.


"Put the cuckoo back in the clock baby" - Four Brothers

Posts: 862 | Registered: Feb 2006
metamorphisis
Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, June 8th (Saturday)

For me, there's this feeling that time is super sped up and I just want it to slow the hell down.
I get this catch in my throat when I look at our parents and they look a bit older and my kids are getting so big and I think "Who the hell am I if I'm not mom, or daughter or sister?". I very much need to figure out what makes me tick other than caretaker because my kids need me less and less and I don't want to be staring at the walls and feeling empty in a few years. It's coming.

I've had this niggling thought in my brain that I'd like to go back to school and work in addiction services. I want to facilitate the freedom in peoples lives that comes from not being owned by substances. I think I really need to look into it because as gritty as I know it will be, I'd get a real sense of pride from that line of work.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 43923 | Registered: Sep 2006
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 5:38 AM, June 9th (Sunday)

But after a while, you start to see that it's just one rollercoaster after another, packaged differently but ultimately much the same ride...a certain level of predictability and an underwhelming sense of, Is this IT?

I've felt this way since I was 16. Whenever it gets bad, I just pack up and move to a new state, new country, new continent.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13558 | Registered: Jul 2011
Bluebird26
Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 6:06 AM, June 9th (Sunday)

I could have written your post word for word.

I feel exactly the same. Maybe it is drama withdrawal. But the x is now back making things crazy again for the kids. Just when I think it has settled down he ramps the crazy back up.

But I am thinking I am lacking some sort of challenge for myself. I am a mother, a sister, a daughter but no idea what I am for me. If that makes sense. I need a new direction.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1281 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
stupidstupidme
Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, June 10th (Monday)

I need a new direction

Yes... this.


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19704 | Registered: Aug 2006
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, June 10th (Monday)

SSM - Have you thought about what you would want, if you could go in any direction you wanted?

What would make you happy, other than being fabulously wealthy I mean.

I found I had mostly what I wanted, except more time for me, and more money. The things I really want that are unreachable won't be in about 8 years, and I can wait. I would love to live someplace where it's warm all year, where I can fish before and/or after work, have more time to do volunteer work. I have my place in mind, but have to wait until the kiddos are out of school, or at least in Grad school.

We are slowly putting together our Long Term Plan, since our original Long Term Plan is coming to an end. Who'd of thought those 2 kids 25+ years ago would reach almost everything on their list. But we have, and then some.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7791 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
stupidstupidme
Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, June 10th (Monday)

I want to have a younger body and skin that isn't aging. Eyes that see as well as they used to. Feet that don't hurt like shit when I wear heels. Hair that isn't turning gray. More money in the bank than I have... more safety cushion. More opportunity to travel with friends and go fun places. More friends to go fun places with.

The direction I want to go is South - to a tropical island.


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19704 | Registered: Aug 2006
TrulyReconciled
Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, June 10th (Monday)

Hey, that's what we ALL want


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 20891 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, June 11th (Tuesday)

Well Heck, I want all that too!!!

At least your feet only hurt when you wear heels. After 20+ years of abuse on my body from being an RN, I hurt all the dang time.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7791 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
stupidstupidme
Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, June 11th (Tuesday)

I want something to feel excited about. There isn't anything really WRONG, or that I'm upset about, but I'm just not excited about much these days, and it feels empty. Not sure how else to describe it.


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19704 | Registered: Aug 2006
Topic Posts: 25