I have posted about this before and also a recent event in R forum but really need others take on this before i make my next move or a decision.
R not really happening as my gut tells me it should going. We do have major financial issues that WH says he is now on board with. I am still waiting to see that.
We have to sell our home. I have been waiting for repairs to ge done. Rubbishbto be removed etc. I am working hard getting things cleared out and up to scratch as well as doing a fulltime course. He just goes to work. No mention of what bills need to b paid. I tell him and all he says is he will transfer some money to my account.
Taking no responsibility........ last monday i check the phone log. The previous friday he was out and about abd called home from a suburb that XOW now lives. I question him and he denies being there. Got defensive as always.....i told him she now lives there. He said he didnt know that. No mention of course to mevwhen i asked him why he called from that suburb that he had no reason to b there.
I know if it were me and i wasnt there, that would b the 1st thing i would say. So anyway an argument if course. He blameshifts. I hit things head on now. No tears, not worried he may leave like i used to feel. Just want the truth. Told him he still doesnt want to change his number. He said he would, with attitude. Says to me that we always have a fantastic weekend together with what we do and what we talk about and that i always find something to fuck it up on the monday.....WTF....dont think he gets it....
I told him to forget it. Too much if an inconvenience for him. So i withdrew. Go about my business with an I DONT GIVE A SHIT attitude. He stays distant. Next day i get up go to my course. He stays home with a migraine. He seems to b getting a lot of them lately.
Yesterday i get home and he is all smiles. Happy camper. Has to go and see a bikie mate as my WH is a bikie.....thats another story......asks me.
If i would like to go, just me and him. Usually we take our son everywhere with us socially.
He said he just wanted it to b the 2 if us. I thought that was nice. Some couple time. We go, we come home. He goes out to the car brings in a bag from under the front seat. I ask what it is. He tells me that he wanted to go parking....if u no what i mean.
He had bondage handcuffs, collar etc. Now we have been dabbling in this but i find that come fridays his mood changes and he cant do enough for me. Come sunday night after a weekend of sex and drugs he cools off.
Since his affair i have discovered his obsession with porn is over the top. In all the 24 years i have never seen him like this. Even when the affair was going on we had awesome sex. Why would he still want both? My gut tells me he still desires the OW. Not for her but for himself. Is this possible?
Its like daily responsibilities and healing our marriage arent computing. His FB page is strewn with porn and god knows what else. I think he has completely lost his way. Its like he is 2 different people.
He tried to get cuddly last night and since i have a cold i just cuddled. I didnt make a move so he rolled over and went to sleep. No kiss good night. Hmmmm.......
Just a little kiss goodbye this morning. Hot and cold. And after the way he spoke to me the other day its like he knows i wont take his shit and perhaps boot his arse and quickly shows me attention.......with parking and hand cuffs?......yeah right.
Starting to see a pattern. Starting to feel like a sex toy fix.......not sure what to do. It will b interesting to see how he is tonight seeing its friday. He has already bought drugs for us.
When we are intimate he is starting to says things like he really wants this to work and wants us to b a family. He is open more talking about his feelings. This confuses me.
Is it real or manipulation? Could my partner of 24 years be this cold and callous?
I need to have some light shed on this. Does it sound normal to you?