User Topic: Here's where it gets tricky.
New Member
Member # 39064
Sad  Posted: 6:58 PM, June 6th (Thursday)

I posted in here that I was moving on and I was sure of it. The last time he tried talking to me was Monday. He gave me back the money he owed me and I kept going. (This was at work because we work together) I am having the hardest time with seeing him! I can't stand to see him and pretend we are strangers. I am still very in love with this man though he has hurt me so many times in so many ways aside from the cheating...I cannot seem to stop crying. I don't know what to do I feel like the pain will never stop and it's always on my mind.

I miss him and I don't want to....

D day: April 7 2013

Posts: 11 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Boston
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, June 6th (Thursday)

Time will help. Try to do one new thing each day and get your mind away from missing him. Even if it is a little thing. Switch your focus. It helps.

Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6146 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, June 6th (Thursday)

With distance comes new perspective.

Pair bonds/attachment takes time to build ... and time to uncouple.

Be kind to yourself. Google self-soothing techniques, then try a few new ones. Change requires us to step outside of our comfort zone.

If you're a reader, "Journey from Abandonment to Healing" is a good book.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
Member # 18378
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, June 6th (Thursday)


I am sorry this has been a rough week for you. It takes a while for the pain to stop and you are doing really well considering all you have gone through..

Me - BS - 46
Him - WS - 44
Two daughters / 10 and 7

Posts: 4074 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Maryland / DC
Member # 39337
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, June 6th (Thursday)

I have noticed during past break ups that limiting contact helps with healing. It seems like every time you see them, the scab is ripped off again. I'm so sorry you are dealing with heartbreak. It's a horrible thing to go through.

BS (me) 43
WS (him) 48
Married 25 years
Reconciling for 12 years
DDAY 01-16-01
A with my best friend
Lots of children from 24-4 weeks old

Posts: 62 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, June 7th (Friday)

It may help to keep repeating to yourself this truth:

I deserve to be treated well.

[This message edited by sisoon at 11:13 AM, June 7th (Friday)]

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10430 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, June 7th (Friday)

Is moving to a new job possible for you? You will find detaching so much easier if you don't have to see him.

I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.

Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
New Member
Member # 39064
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, June 9th (Sunday)

Pippy: At my company the department I am in is only at 1 location, I would have to switch jobs...which I am looking into. I hate this!

D day: April 7 2013

Posts: 11 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Boston
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, June 9th (Sunday)

It would be the best thing for you to switch jobs. I hope you find one soon.

Also, it helps immensely to no longer allow yourself to look back but look forward instead. Make plans for your future, both your immediate future and your distant future. Focus on that every time you feel anything that resembles missing him. It will get better.

Me-50 BW

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M

Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, June 9th (Sunday)

Focus on that every time you feel anything that resembles missing him.
Focus is really the key. Right now, you are focusing on the loss. And that's natural. Healing begins when you can lift your focus from the loss and from the past, and shift it to yourself and the future.


[This message edited by nowiknow23 at 11:54 AM, June 9th (Sunday)]

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25842 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 10