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User Topic: My baggage v. yellow flags?
Newlease
Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, June 7th (Friday)

SO and I have decided to move in together. We have discussed all the possible pit-falls and benefits. Everything is moving forward. We have been dating 3 years.

My problem is his relationship with his XW. They were divorced probably 2 years prior to us starting our relationship. They did not D due to infidelity, but because they "grew apart." They were together 15 years, she is 16 years younger than him and 4 years younger than me.

They ended on friendly terms, which in and of itself is not a problem. But they have no children together and really no ties to each other.

She calls him from time to time to "help" her out with things around the house. At first this really didn't bother me much - I it in a positive light. And even though XWH and I are on friendly terms and share children and grandchildren, I would never ask him to do anything for me around my house.

SO's XW has very few friends, her mother recently passed away after a long illness. XW was very close to her mother. Anyway now she has NO family here and she was able to retire early from her job due to a sizeable inheritance.

She seems to be getting more needy of SO's attention. I have expressed concern and asked that the next time he goes to her rescue that he take me along. However, she usually calls for help when I'm at work.

My XWH's affair started as a result of him playing KISA to a younger co-worker.

So is my dismay due to the baggage from that, or is it legitimate. And how do I address it without sounding like a jealous shrew?

All suggestions, comments, and hugs are welcome.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7744 | Registered: Aug 2005
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, June 7th (Friday)

This would make me uncomfortable too. I don’t see it as baggage, just healthy boundaries.

I’d be honest about it; you respect that they are on friendly terms, but it makes you uncomfortable that she is so dependent on him and would prefer if he were less available to her.

If the relationship is top priority, and you aren’t giving him unreasonable demands, he should be happy to accommodate. If he values their friendship too much to scale it back, or turns it around and makes it about you being insecure, I would consider that an orange flag and pause the moving plans.

(((NL)))


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Newlease
Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, June 7th (Friday)

We have discussed it. And I have told him it makes me uneasy.

I have always tried to be the "cool" girlfriend who doesn't get jealous because she feels secure. But right now it feels like an act.

I don't want to issue ultimatums. I asked to be taken along on the next "rescue mission" but she called him today in tears saying she needed help getting the deadbolts installed in her new house.

He called me to let me know he was going over. I think he is trying to be a nice guy. He keeps reassuring me that there is no romantic feelings left.

I hate feeling this way. But I can't seem to stop it, or be ok, or cool.

I know some of the people here are friends with Xs - do any of you think I'm overreacting?

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7744 | Registered: Aug 2005
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, June 7th (Friday)

she called him today in tears saying she needed help getting the deadbolts installed in her new house.


A bit melodramatic isn't she? In tears over her deadbolts? Really? And he doesn't see that this is just her way of manipulating him to do what she wants?


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13810 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Newlease
Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, June 7th (Friday)

Well, she just purchased a new house - much bigger and nicer than either of us could afford - and the neighbors had a key. They appear to be very pushy neighbors and she wasn't feeling "safe" so she wanted them done right away.

I really want to give her the name of a handyman service. She can certainly afford to pay for this kind of thing.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable?

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7744 | Registered: Aug 2005
Newlease
Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, June 7th (Friday)

I also have to add that he doesn't just drop everything and jump to her aid. A few times he has ignored her messages and by the time he checks, she has figured something out.

They use to flip houses when they were married, so she has some skills at fixing things. He encouraged her to fix her own deadbolts, but when she called for the 2nd time in tears, he went over.

GAAA - I hate feeling this way.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7744 | Registered: Aug 2005
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, June 7th (Friday)

I would not be okay with my SO going to help his X all of the time. Luckily for me, the only connection my SO has with his Xgf is mutual friends and her dad is his mechanic (owns a shop). An occasional help with something is a different story. I would be okay with that as long as I could tag along or at least was fully in the loop (again, not often occurring). My XH stopped helping me with things out (mechanic and projects) of respect for his SO. I now have to find other ways to get things done. Your SO needs to stop rescuing her. She's retired early. She has money. She can pay for services rather than call upon her XH to save her. I get that your SO probably feels as though he's helping out and doing her a favor, but it's unnecessary. She's fully capable of living independently without him. It's not your SO's fault she doesn't have family or friends to turn to. Since he keeps saving her, she's had no reason to reach out to other people. If he doesn't stop, it's never going to end...

Besides that, the deadbolts weren't an emergency. Your SO could have waited until you got out of work to go over there and help her out. Or she could have called someone to hire to get the job done.

Saw your latest post -- she can get the name/number of a handyman on her own. I wouldn't give her one.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4209 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, June 7th (Friday)

He called me to let me know he was going over. I think he is trying to be a nice guy. He keeps reassuring me that there is no romantic feelings left.

Hmm, sounds like he doesn’t quite get it. It’s not about whether or not he, or she, still has feelings, it’s the fabricated dependence and urgency that is pinging you. This isn’t legitimate emergencies or needs. She can call a handyman! He doesn’t need to help her, and she doesn’t need his help.

I wouldn’t hesitate to pass on the number of a highly recommended handyman.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, June 7th (Friday)

Ohhhh no, I wouldn't be comfortable with that at all!!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
tryinghard2013
Member
Member # 37981
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, June 7th (Friday)

Nope I think you will end up in trouble if he isn't willing to cut the ties they have no kids no reason to ever see each other.

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jan 2013
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, June 7th (Friday)

She can afford a new house but not a locksmith???? Really.

She''s at the very least using your SO, so if he can''t see his way to recognizing that he''s got a boundary issue with her, he should at least see he''s being used. I''d be annoyed at both aspects.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3124 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, June 7th (Friday)

Your SO should be telling her to get a handyman.

I do have to at least tap you with a 2x4--you should have brought this up LONG ago. You've let it go on this long, it's going to be awkward to say that it's bothering you now.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20291 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, June 7th (Friday)

(((Newlease))) I definitely have hugs!

I think it can be hard to strike the balance between listening to yellow/red flags and dismissing them because you think your baggage is making a mountain out of a molehill.

Is he a KISA in other aspects of his life?

I would not be OK with this, not at all. It very possibly could be the start of a slippery slope, especially now that she has more time on her hands.

If I were in your shoes, I would postpone moving in or making any other major changes that might be difficult to undo until this was settled to my satisfaction. It's called a breakup because it's broken, and she needs to figure out another way to get things done.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3409 | Registered: Dec 2011
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, June 7th (Friday)

Yellow flag for sure.

I remember setting boundaries during False R and being struck by how simple they were. Also how they should have always been in place (they were for me - not for him, evidently).

This to me is a boundary for yourself. He doesn't need to 'get it' - the fact that you're so uncomfortable about it is reason enough for him to honour it.

I remember being told he didn't want to hurt someone elses feelings by breaking ties with men and women I didn't consider friends of the marriage. I had a lightbulb moment and told him so "So, you're not OK with hurting the feelings of friends and acquaintances but you're AOK with hurting your wife. You need to start protecting ME and our M rather than your social circle.".

I still stand by it and it is relevant here.

((Newlease))


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, June 7th (Friday)

She can afford a new house but not a locksmith???? Really.

My sentiments exactly.

Here's my take: XW realizes that your SO/her XH is taking his relationship with you into new territory. Consequently she is stepping up her neediness in order to maintain her bit of control over him. There is unfinished business between them, although it may be unacknowledged.

You need to start being true to yourself. Your desire to portray yourself as "cool" has come back to bite you in the ass. Start being honest. It's okay for you to lay down a boundary & tell your SO that you are NOT cool with his relationshp with his XW. That doesn't make you uncool, it makes you honest.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, June 7th (Friday)

Trust your gut. He may not have any romantic feelings left but she sure does and she is playing him. Time to be honest with him about how much this bothers you and about boundaries that SHE is crossing. You can offer to have her over for dinner with both of you and other friends if he still wants to maintain a friendship. She needs to be a friend to your relationship, and you need to make it clear it's what you need. If she's so innocent of any manipulation, she shouldn't have a problem socializing with the two of you as a couple.

[This message edited by kernel at 9:18 PM, June 7th (Friday)]


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5276 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
NWfleur
Member
Member # 35874
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, June 7th (Friday)

If they'd had children, I could MAYBE see this being more acceptable, since he'd be helping with things that directly related to his kids (such as, fix the lock so the kids are safe.)

But since that's not the case, I think it crosses boundaries a bit. What is your relationship with her? Are you friends? I agree with others, she can call a professional or work it out herself. Her ex husband doesn't need to be her handy man.


Me BS (39)
Him WS (36)
2 DS
M: 9 years (together 13)
DD: 4/10/2012
(Separated since 12/11...affair began ??!!)

Divorced!!!


Posts: 322 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: USA
exhausted lady
Member
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, June 8th (Saturday)

I really want to give her the name of a handyman service. She can certainly afford to pay for this kind of thing.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable?

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. She needs to put on her big girl panties and deal with life. Your SO needs to put you first in this situation. If he won't, I think I'd call that a red flag - not yellow.

If she inherited that much money, she can damn well call a handyman.


Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr


Posts: 3168 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
Got2GO
Member
Member # 26576
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, June 8th (Saturday)

Run! Girl Run!

If you are having doubts now understand nothing will change! Don't move in with this character. Enjoy spending time with him but don't move in with him. Obviously he is still attached to his ex. RUN!


BS (me) 47
WS (him) 70
Together 7 1/2 years
married 6 years
no children together
Happily divorced 1/29/13!

Posts: 111 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: got2go
Mousse242
Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, June 9th (Sunday)

Honestly, not cool. He now has you in his life and needs to make you his priority not her. That means boundaries.

She can now afford to hire someone to do handy work, repairs, etc. If he really feels he *must* go over there, it needs to be done after hours with you going along too (after you get home from work).

You have valid concerns on this one and they need to be addressed. Now, before you actually move in together.


Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
sheila0304
Member
Member # 25041
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, June 9th (Sunday)

I know a man like this. He was living with a woman but always insisting on help me out. I appreciated the help but didn't expect it. I don't know how he painted me to her.
In my opinion, KISA is his issue, not hers. I wouldn't move in with him until he stopped the KISA stuff.
As for the guy above, the woman moved out after living together over a year because he wouldn't fully commit.

Posts: 1175 | Registered: Aug 2009
heartbroken_kk
Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

You know what? So what if it is your baggage? In a healthy relationship, your SO would be concerned about your feelings and willing to work with you, within reason, to help you feel safe secure and trusting. Your SO is putting his XW and her "needs" above and before yours.

This isn't a good omen for a healthy relationship with him going forward.

I suggest, like others, that you be honest about your feelings about his being a KISA to his X, and tell him his behavior is arrousing a lot of anxiety in you, for a number of reasons, only one of which is YOUR baggage.

Be blunt. Tell him you will need to see him move on and sever ties with his X in order to feel secure about him as a life partner. If he is unwilling to do this, your prospects for a healthy relationship with him are pretty dismal.

He hasn't *really* divorced her yet. He isn't ready to be with you until he cuts the cord. Hold off on cohabiting until this is resolved.


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1221 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

I have always tried to be the "cool" girlfriend who doesn't get jealous because she feels secure. But right now it feels like an act
The "cool" girlfriend is the one who tends to get used, taken for granted, and walked on. I did the "cool" gf thing before too, and never again. I am too old to be cool and not interested in squashing down my feelings, and I don't care sometimes if I am unreasonable. Anyway, you are not being unreasonable. If he is feeling a need to be saving other women, he has some issues, and if you don't put a stop to it, it will cause major problems in the future.

My bff's fiance is a KISA and so is my new guy. We both took the same stance on that. Basically, the only damsel in distress these guys need to be helping is the one they are dating, and I have enough crap of my own, and so does my gf, that if they feel the need to help out in some way or another, we will both be happy to find ways to let them help. It works great for both of us.....

And I don't care if he hurts some other chick's feelings. Not. My. Problem.

New guy had one female friend that used him as a personal chauffeur. She would call him any hour of the day so he could take her here or there. One night, she texted him, no kidding, 20 times about some video game they both play. She has a bf of her own, btw.....

I put a stop to that immediately......I told him that he isn't driving her all over anymore. She is an adult. She has a bf. They can figure things out together. And, when we are together, now if she texts him, he tells her he is with me and he'll get back to her tomorrow. She has totally quit calling him for rides and she rarely texts anymore. I am not sharing my time with my man with some other girl.


So, you're not OK with hurting the feelings of friends and acquaintances but you're AOK with hurting your wife. You need to start protecting ME and our M rather than your social circle.".
BRAVO!!!!!!

Make sure YOU are the priority.

Do you feel you have to be the "cool" gf to keep him? Do you feel if you don't let him do whatever he wants, he will leave? Freedom is important, but too much freedom doesn't work either.

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 7:21 PM, June 9th (Sunday)]


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15291 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

It's so tricky when you have a little well deserved baggage. I hear you don't want to dump on him. But he is bringing a lot of baggage too, namely a whole other person.

Seriously, lots of us lost our handy XHs and we hire someone or call a neighbor or family member. She has the money to hire all the skilled personnel she wants, but it has to be her XH?

Don't worry so much about your baggage and dumping your anxiety on him. Show him just how crazy uncomfortable this makes you feel for real. Let him see this side of you rather than almost hiding it from him. I know you haven't completely hidden it for him as you've discussed it, but he really needs to get the true depth of your feelings.

The XW is acting like his little princess. When you should be in that role...except you are truly more mature than she is, you are a confident queen who understand her emotions even when they are strong like they are now.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5859 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Newlease
Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, June 10th (Monday)

Thanks for all the feedback. We will address this going forward.

I know that if I draw a firm line, he will choose to honor me. I also know that he will think I'm being unreasonable because in HIS mind this is not an issue.

I just need to figure out how to tell him my issues without it sounding like I'm "laying down the law."

I also have to say he has been helping me a lot with getting my house ready for sale - fixing and waterproofing my deck, building a new front porch, and laying flooring in the kitchen. Poor guy - between both of us, he sure isn't getting to enjoy his retirement lately.

It's interesting none of the men have weighed in on this subject.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7744 | Registered: Aug 2005
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, June 10th (Monday)

I have a guy friend who is a total KISA - he helps out everyone and I do call him to help me when I need to fix something, etc. However, I am cognizant of whether or not he's dating, he usually doesn't date at all, but when he briefly did, I still invited both of them to do things, but I did not ask for help and respected the new boundaries.

I hope he gets it.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4609 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
jennie160
Member
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, June 10th (Monday)

I also know that he will think I'm being unreasonable because in HIS mind this is not an issue.

This worries me more than the boundary issue itself. We all have some baggage and issues that need worked on but the fact that he isn't willing to admit them is the real issue.

I just need to figure out how to tell him my issues without it sounding like I'm "laying down the law."

Honesty. Just tell him what and why it is making you uneasy. If your planning to move in together you should have open communication. He should know why and how this is an issue for you and he should be willing to unbegrundgingly enforce stricter boundaries not only for you and your relationship but himself as well.


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, June 10th (Monday)

What if you tell him that you don't want him to stop doing this because you said to, but instead that it's important to you to see him demonstrating healthy boundaries, and the way she expects him to be at her beck and call makes you uncomfortable?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
wonderingbull
Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, June 10th (Monday)

OK.... Guy here....

Tell him to buy the woman a subscription to Angie's List.....

She's exercising her manipulation tactics because of you...

Dat's da way I sees it...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5984 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, June 10th (Monday)

It's interesting none of the men have weighed in on this subject.
We had a long, long talk about this early on in our relationship, and even while we were just friends we had discussed his tendency towards playing the KISA....

He has done a lot of introspection, and he said at first he thought he was just being a nice guy, and he wants people to like him. Digging deeper, basically, he said when he helps women out by either listening to their intimate problems or helping them when they are in need, he feels they owe him sex....you know, slay the dragon, get the princess.....

Even though he knows he is not following thru on going after the sex...it is such a very deeply held belief/expectation/whatever.....and he said he would have denied before he had done the self work.

So, he is agreeable to not doing the KISA stuff anymore, and he is at the point where if a woman approaches him with a problem, he removes himself from the situation. He wants ME to be his one and only priority and this is what I mean when I say on here that he shows it. If he gets into a situation where he is unsure of his motivations, he calls me and we discuss it. He is very protective of us emotionally. This is why I feel safe with him.

This woman is showing that she has some power over you by taking him away from you for a while, and making him do her bidding (help, help, ex.......I NEED your help....) and it would infuriate me.

He needs to examine his motives in this. I think this is why women have a problem with "nice" guys.....on the surface it seems nice but he is getting something out of helping her. Whether he is doing it from guilt, manipulation, confusion about his role in an ex-s life, or thinking that she may "owe" him something in return, he needs to dig deep and figure out his true motivation. Once he does, then you will know if you are comfortable with him doing these types of things.

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 4:30 PM, June 10th (Monday)]


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15291 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, June 10th (Monday)

I hope I'm wrong, but I feel sorry for you planning to move in and move forward with a KISA. Nothing good can come from this. BTDT got the D... It's not just the infidelity; it was the years of coming second--not all the time, but often enough to build resentment which I could never express because it made me look small...sound familiar?

I wish you luck and hope you prove me wrong.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20291 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
hurtinky
Member
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, June 10th (Monday)

I was married to a KISA also. Nothing good can come from this.


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, June 11th (Tuesday)

p.s.
However, she usually calls for help when I'm at work.
Why do you think she only calls when you are unavailable......


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15291 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Newlease
Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, June 11th (Tuesday)

I really don't think he is a KISA. I dated one, so I know what they are like. He doesn't run to everyone's aid. He just has a problem drawing boundaries with his X.

I trust him. I don't trust her. And she has been successful in getting into my head, if nothing else.

I appreciate all your advice and I will proceed with caution.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7744 | Registered: Aug 2005
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, June 11th (Tuesday)

Hope everything goes well Newlease. For whatever it's worth, I don't feel your relationship is doomed. A lot of great male posters here dabble in KISA so I wouldn't blanketly label it as a bad trait. It's just something you will have to be mindful of balancing with your cool girlfriend syndrome.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Topic Posts: 35