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User Topic: Finished Timeline
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, June 7th (Friday)

It's done. So much for a June 30 deadline. I tend to be obsessive. Been typing for hours. And it's finished. My chest isn't as tight as it was a week ago. A small, very small weight has lifted. But the stress of Mr. C's reaction is there.

He knows a little. But I typed a lot more.

Babe, I'm so sorry you're going to read all that. I'm sorry that you are a victim of my brutality and brokenness. I'm sorry for the hurt. I'd give anything to take this hurt away from you.

People, if you're asked to do a timeline. Just do the dang thing. And for crying out loud, be honest with it. Even if they don't ask for a timeline, do it anyway. Tuck it away for if/when it's needed. If it's never needed, lucky you. If it is needed, at least it's done.

Peace out.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"You can do it!" - R. Schneider


Posts: 5456 | Registered: Nov 2011
DeadMumWalking
Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, June 7th (Friday)

WTG!!!

Now for the REALLY tough part I guess..... hang in there.

((((Aubrie))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2506 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, June 7th (Friday)

((Aubrie and Mr. C))

You did the right thing. Does Mr. C plan on reading it?


Posts: 4549 | Registered: Dec 2010
EmotionalFool
Member
Member # 37362
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, June 7th (Friday)


WW: 28 (ME)
BH: 28 (SI profile: CrappyLife)
D-Day- 15/10/12

Posts: 334 | Registered: Nov 2012
SuperDuperWonderboy
Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, June 7th (Friday)

Good job Aub!


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, June 7th (Friday)

Now for the REALLY tough part
Yeah, no kidding eh?

Does Mr. C plan on reading it?
He's already started.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"You can do it!" - R. Schneider


Posts: 5456 | Registered: Nov 2011
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, June 7th (Friday)

He's already started.

I'll be thinking of you all. If he needs a shoulder, there's a few thousand of us dudes waiting here for him.

Take care.


Posts: 4549 | Registered: Dec 2010
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, June 7th (Friday)

I'm so proud of you!!!


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 10 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 8, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

What am I doing?


Posts: 1554 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, June 7th (Friday)

If he needs a shoulder, there's a few thousand of us dudes waiting here for him.
I will pass the message along. Thank you.

TCD, I've been keeping an eye out on you. You're doing good.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"You can do it!" - R. Schneider


Posts: 5456 | Registered: Nov 2011
tired girl
Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, June 7th (Friday)

WTG Aubrie


Me43 Him 43 Hardlessons DS 24,22,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth”
― Pema Chödrön

Posts: 3663 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
MissesJai
Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, June 7th (Friday)

good job Aubrie. Very proud of you.


FWW - 40
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent...

Posts: 5525 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, June 7th (Friday)

Freaking stressing out. I shouldn''t. But I am.

Not really seeing the victory and "woohoo" in doing this. Just gonna have to deal with this crap all over again. See his hurt and disappointment again. May be worse. May be better. But the wait is agony.

Refraining from spiraling into the cesspool is hard right now.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"You can do it!" - R. Schneider


Posts: 5456 | Registered: Nov 2011
marion
Member
Member # 33625
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, June 7th (Friday)

Hi Aubrie,
Just wanted to say good for you for doing it....hardest thing i ever did was read the my FWH's timeline....but just knowing that he could be that honest after all of the bs was a big step forward for us....it hurt ....more than i expected (if that is possible), but not having it after i asked would have hurt more....it is hard to see past the pain and remember that causing your betrayed spouse more pain can be just as scary and awful (if truly remorseful)...so good for you....and good luck to you both...wishing you peace and happiness.
Marion

Posts: 102 | Registered: Oct 2011
KBeguile
Member
Member # 38348
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, June 7th (Friday)

You're right, Aubrie. It's not a "woohoo" moment, but it's definitely a moment of relief, release, and acceptance. Nothing more to hide, nothing more to fear. It's the weight off your chest and the monkey off your back. It's not a superlative feeling, but it's better than the alternative.

Please, keep us posted.


Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
-
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 735 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, June 7th (Friday)

You're both in my thoughts and prayers.


BS-me, 52
WH(Mr. Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS17
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 7967 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
starrysky
Member
Member # 14669
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, June 7th (Friday)

YEAH Aubrie!!! My H never asked for a timeline either, just had some questions, but never a timeline. Once I came to SI & started reading about it, I did it on my own. 7 years later & he's never read it but I have it locked away should his need ever arise.

It hurt like hell to write it & hurt worse knowing what it would be like should he ever choose to read it, but you're right, the weight does lift a little.

I'm proud of you!


"The grass is not greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it"

Me(37)-FWW/BS
Him(36)-BH/WH The love of my life
2 Daughters: 15,11
Married 14 years Together 17 years
11 Month EA & PA
Beautifully Reconciled


Posts: 585 | Registered: May 2007
MovingUpward
Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, June 7th (Friday)

Tell Mr. Aubrie that he is welcome to contact me if he wants to talk through this.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

There are shortcuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them-Vicky Baum


Posts: 49755 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, June 7th (Friday)

Aubrie, I think you are so strong and awesome.

I really hope things go okay for you and Mr. C.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15279 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Just a Cali girl
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, June 7th (Friday)

I'm pulling for you two.


I promise to surround myself with amazing souls and love them fiercely.

Posts: 19175 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, June 7th (Friday)

Sending you a PM Moo.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"You can do it!" - R. Schneider


Posts: 5456 | Registered: Nov 2011
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

Thanks for the support guys and gals.

He's read it all. There was a couple "new" revelations including something I did for the AP that my husband has always wanted but I refused. I was so ashamed. I intentionally glossed it over in the past. That was wrong. The rest he said even if he didn't have details, he knew me, knew how I was, and what he read wasn't a surprise.

So there it is.

Also, he's an official member of SI now. No longer Mr. Aubrie or Mr. C. Dunno if he'll post, lurk, or reach out to individuals. But whatever path he chooses, I hope that he finds support and healing here. Welcome Babe.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"You can do it!" - R. Schneider


Posts: 5456 | Registered: Nov 2011
sad12008
Member
Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

(BS here) Having the whole mess written out/written down is painful to the remorseful writer, and exquisitely agonizing to the BS. However, I think in the greater scheme of things, it has such a constructive impact on healthy reconciliation. May not seem that way for a while, perhaps, to either of you -- but I truly believe it in my heart (FWthat'sW).

There were revelations in my FWH's 16 or 18 page long (I forget) confessional that I quite easily might never have known. Those were the things that, though they excoriated what was left of my sense of our marriage's past, also provided a bit of a lifering to believing my H had changed and was, in fact, remorseful.

He could have skipped those bits, knowing full well they'd unleash a whole new collection of painful reactions from me. Him making the free choice to walk into that fire spoke volumes.

I hope Mr. C will feel that, as he navigates through the potentially difficult waters ahead. I'm sending him --and you-- strength!

For any FWSs who may be reading and who have NOT yet done a similar timeline ...please do. I'll add that my FWS actually read it to me, and that was a meaningful element to the whole thing as well.


"Everybody's life is hard. You look at life, and it's not a cakewalk. You've got to be able to bounce back." --Neil Young, father to two children with CP, another with epilepsy, and otherwise experientially qualified to comment

Posts: 3778 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
DeadMumWalking
Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

t/j:
Welcome ((((QS))))

end t/j

I have a question, hope you don't mind: does QS see this as TT or more like 'filling in some holes'?

I think you have been very brave and forward-looking to even create this exercise for yourself when you might have 'easily' (ha!) gotten away without it. Not only that, but sharing the whole experience here too. Well done.

I hope that QS will get through this bumpy patch on the roller coaster ride, he has the SI army to lean on should be need it.

((((Aubrie & QS))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2506 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

For any FWSs who may be reading and who have NOT yet done a similar timeline ...please do.
Word.

I'll add that my FWS actually read it to me, and that was a meaningful element to the whole thing as well.
Wow. Props to your FWS for that. That took nerve.

does QS see this as TT or more like 'filling in some holes'?
We talked about it and he said it was more filling in the holes. He had the general outline just after Dday. With the timeline, I was filling in the gory details.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"You can do it!" - R. Schneider


Posts: 5456 | Registered: Nov 2011
girlsbird
Member
Member # 30877
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

((((((Aubrie & QS)))))


D-Day 10/28/10..almost admission 7/10 Reconciled. I was the betrayed

Posts: 1203 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: arizona
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

(((Aubrie and QS)))


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 34740 | Registered: Sep 2007
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

(((Aubrie and QS)))


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15279 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Just a Cali girl
tired girl
Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

t/j

love the name and welcome to SI

end t/j


Me43 Him 43 Hardlessons DS 24,22,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth”
― Pema Chödrön

Posts: 3663 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
silverhopes
Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, June 8th (Saturday)

(((Aubrie and QuietStand)))


Find peace. Or sleep on it.

Posts: 3762 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
wifehad5
Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, June 8th (Saturday)

Give him some time to process it


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35354 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, June 8th (Saturday)

Good job, Aub.

And QuietStand. Cool name....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCyL6pa_L4M


Posts: 7247 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, June 8th (Saturday)

Give him some time to process it
Yes. Takes him a few days.

Bracing in case of troubled waters.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"You can do it!" - R. Schneider


Posts: 5456 | Registered: Nov 2011
noescape
Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

QuietStand)))) side man hug, head over to ICR BM thread for 'Menz support' if you feel the need. Know that aub is probably doing a LOT of hard work so hopefully it'll get better in time.

Aub, if you don't mind me asking, from the first A till your timeline, how much time had passed and how much detail were you able to retain/remember? This is to find out for myself whether W really DID 'forget' a LOT due to the time or whether its just her TT talking.


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

from the first A till your timeline, how much time had passed and how much detail were you able to retain/remember?
I was able to remember quite a bit. I met AP1 when I was 16. Married QS when I was 18. Continued "friendship" with AP1 for several years after that. (Talked to him about 10 1/2 years altogether)

The only period of life where I'm fuzzy is during the time I suffered a miscarriage. There's a several month period where I don't have many memories at all. Good or bad. Whether AP related or just every day life related. There's just a block missing from my memory bank.

I remember quite a bit from AP1, AP2 (8 years ago) AP3, (3 years ago) and AP4 (19 months ago)

That doesn't mean I remember every single conversation on which particular date. But I know what boundaries and where they were crossed, the subject matter, and other similar details. Talked about my marriage, my feelings, intimate conversations with QS, turn ons and turn offs, dreams, wishes, religion, sex, fantasy, reality, every day life, holidays, feelings about each other, etc. You get the idea.

I've pretty much shredded every day of a calendar year with at least 1 or more AP at some point in the last 10 years. For QS, it's not so much the dates, but what was said and occurred in the conversations. kwim?

Hope that made sense and helped a little.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"You can do it!" - R. Schneider


Posts: 5456 | Registered: Nov 2011
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

Aubrie, I am so impressed with the strength you have to do this and the committment you are showing to QS.

Please let him know that I too am here for him if he wants to PM or text or call and chat. At any time.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3078 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, June 9th (Sunday)

Awesome job. Strength and prayers for the two of you.

t/j QuietStand, welcome. PM if you feel the need. end t/j


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2068 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Eponine
New Member
Member # 39367
Target  Posted: 1:54 AM, June 10th (Monday)

"People, if you're asked to do a timeline. Just do the dang thing. And for crying out loud, be honest with it. Even if they don't ask for a timeline, do it anyway. Tuck it away for if/when it's needed. If it's never needed, lucky you. If it is needed, at least it's done."

Good for you for doing it. I started writing and have a way to go...hearing you finished helps motivate me to keep going. DBH doesn't want to read it, but I'll have it for if and when he changes his mind.


Me: FWW 46
Him: BH 51
Married 1991
7 living children, 5 deceased

~7 month EA culminated in ONS 4/13/2013
DDays 4/15/13 + 5/26/13
NC since 4/18/13
PTSD dx - in EMDR IC
Retrouvaille Weekend 4/19-21 x 6 follow-up sessions
Healing well and no


Posts: 21 | Registered: May 2013
KickedintheGut
Member
Member # 30086
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, June 10th (Monday)

Good job Aubrie. I will 2nd the give him time to process. As a BS, I walked around like a zombie for a few days after one of the big disclosures. I was there and fine, but looked kind of like a Stepford wife. Did what needed to be done but was emotionally disconnected from everything. It took a few days to start coming back to myself. Just wanted to share :)

Again, good job. It's awful to do, but so much better than having the details dribble out randomly.


Me - BW (38) Him (calcitro) - SAWH (38)
2 Kids Working on R
DDay#1 - 11/9/10 - 2 year EA/PA
DDay #2 - 12/9/10
Disclosure - 4/8/11
Timeline - 5/9/11

Posts: 492 | Registered: Nov 2010
Zayda1
Member
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, June 10th (Monday)

How I wish my WH would write a time line. Whenever I ask he says "you already know when we were together and where we were, there's no point in me putting it on paper".

I often wonder if this is why I still maintain my wall between us. He still outs himself first. After 14 months he probably won't write one even if I beg.

Good for you for being proactive. I hope other WS's can understand why this was so important.


Married 8 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 439 | Registered: Apr 2012
Topic Posts: 39