Topic: I think he's with her right now...I'm shaking
Member # 39437
| Posted: 3:27 PM, June 7th (Friday)|
WH is at Annual Training. He destroyed his cell before he left so I have no way of contacting him.
I just checked the bank account and this afternoon he made a $49 purchase at the PX at a DIFFERENT base than where he is and just after, made a $60 cash withdrawal from an ATM.
Why would someone need $60 cash in their pocket when they're going to be sitting on their @ss in a tent in the middle of nowhere for another week????
He didn't seem to care that he didn't have a cell. Now I know why...he knew he would see her. I'm guessing that $60 was to take her out to eat without it ending up on the bank statement.
Now I know why one of the last communications between them was her asking how long the drive was.
Somebody please talk some sense into me. Seriously...I have two little kids to care for and I need to function.
I can't do this. GOD HELP ME.
Me: 37, BS
Him: 39, WH
Married: 6 years, together for 9 years
2 boys, ages 3 & 4, he has a 15yo we never see
DDay: 5/21/13 (OW is a coworker at Walmart...he quit on Dday.)
Posts: 25 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Columbus, OH
Member # 25341
| Posted: 3:34 PM, June 7th (Friday)|
Right now just breathe. And again. Slowly. Drink a glass of water.
Is there someone who can come and be with you right now? Anyone who can take care of your children for a little while?
Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated, for good (??)
Posts: 2244 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Member # 39377
| Posted: 3:43 PM, June 7th (Friday)|
I am so sorry you are in this horrific hell at the moment. So very sorry.
BW 40's - WH 50's
M 20yrs, T 23yrs
Multiple EA, OA,& PA's
Thankful for my faith in God to be my strong tower.
Posts: 70 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 39398
| Posted: 3:52 PM, June 7th (Friday)|
I'm so sorry to hear that you are going thru this right now. I agree with the above posts. Find someone to take the kids and take some time to breathe. Figure out how you want to proceed from there.
Posts: 6 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 31349
| Posted: 3:53 PM, June 7th (Friday)|
Just hug your babies and throw yourself into your relationship with them right now. They can be a welcome distraction from the pain if you look at it as separate from your marriage.
Start lining your little ducks up, too. Even if it's in your head. It's time to take care of YOU.
Sending hugs and strength.
Me: BW 34
Crazz: FWH 32
For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot
Posts: 12372 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 10468
| Posted: 4:02 PM, June 7th (Friday)|
Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Remember, lots of us have been just where you are right now. We know what you are feeling and we are sending you the strength to get through this. It isn't easy but you can do it.
Eat a little something to keep your body working. Drink plenty of water - dehydration does strange things to your thinking and to your body. If you have a close friend who can come be with you that will help. Rent a movie, rearrange your furniture, do something out of the ordinary to allow your mind to stretch a little bit.
Big hugs, Cyzygy. We are here for you.
Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)
Posts: 5891 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
Member # 38405
| Posted: 4:09 PM, June 7th (Friday)|
I would contact his unit/ commander, find out where he is and file for divorce.
Me- Divorced! 12/4/13
"They cling to their bad choices out of shame, because it is far easier to continue to destroy yourself than to do the heavy work required to fix yourself." - a wiser SIer
Posts: 399 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Northeast US
Member # 7785
| Posted: 6:37 PM, June 7th (Friday)|
Oh that fucker. What a POS.
Ok, breathe in, breathe out. Repeat.
Have a cup of tea hon.
Right. Now its time to plot. You need to do something BIG. The SOB has made a choice, now you need to make good on it.
Get trashbags. Put all his shit in them. Throw them in the garage. Add locks to all doors. Remove money from accounts. Get all the family docs together. Copy all of them.
Start calling lawyers, all the good ones, and have phone consultations. Then he cant use any of them. HA. Take that arsehole.
Hire the best one for yourself.
Then call his command and out him.
Are telegrams still available? I would send him a telegram in the desert telling him to go directly to the homeless shelter upon his return because he no longer has a home.
Just some things to ponder while you drink your cup of tea. HUGE HUGE HUGE hugs.
If someone loves you, it should feel like they love you.
Never give more of yourself than you are getting back.
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places." ~Ernest Hemingway
Posts: 5818 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Australia
Member # 32554
| Posted: 7:03 PM, June 7th (Friday)|
You can do this. You can survive this. There are tens of thousands of people on this website who have survived this. You will, too.
Now you know exactly how stupid he thinks you are. For the time being don't do anything to prove him wrong. Let him continue to leave sloppy evidence of his cheating all over the place. Collect the evidence, copy it, give a copy to someone IRL who isn't intimidated by him, put another copy in a safety deposit box, take another copy with you when you have your consultations with divorce lawyers.
Starting Monday you get yourself several interviews lined up with divorce lawyers. See at least three next week. Don't be surprised if you have to pay a consultation fee.
Starting right now you contact someone IRL and tell them everything that's happening. Call your mom, sister, bestie friend, neighbor, church lady. Call at least one person, but preferrably more, and reveal your situation. Ask for support. This is when you need it. Let people come over and hold you. Make sure they know they need to be discreet for the time being, you don't want them blowing the lid off this situation.
Don't feel you have to be superwoman this weekend with your kids. Go ahead & let them veg out in front of the TV or whatever while you veg out & try to wrap your mind about what's happening.
Tonight or tomorrow look up divorce law for your state. You need to arm yourself with information so that you'll know if the divorce atty's you meet with next week are full of it or not. IT's also a good idea just so you can set better, more realistic expectations for yourself.
You'll get through this, Hon. It's going to hurt like hell, but you'll get through it.
Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Posts: 7357 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 21964
| Posted: 7:19 PM, June 7th (Friday)|
Please listen to those that are saying hefty bag his shit & visit an attorney first thing Monday.
I''ve been where you are. Shaking in rage & fear. Crying so hard I was starting to hyperventilate. Knowing he was with her, had planned it in advance, even while we were talking R, and blithely lied to me as he walked out the door about where he''d be.
I didn''t stand up for myself when that happened & I regret that.
You are strong. You can do this. FTG. Breathe. Deep breathes & act. The acting will help you get through this.
BS 45, WH 38
M 8 years, together 10
Real DDay 10/07/11
Too many OW to count.
D final on 6/21/12
You have to walk away from the past in slow motion as it explodes behind you, like in a John Woo movie.
Posts: 2516 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Member # 29502
| Posted: 7:32 PM, June 7th (Friday)|
Oh my gosh, Cyzgy, I know exactly how you are feeling.
Two days after my dday, my FWH left on a business trip. I found out quickly that he was meeting OW. I hadn't found SI yet, but if I had, I would have done exactly what the everyone above has been advising.
Intuitively, I did the following: called the other BS and called my FWH and said if he didn't come home THAT night, our marriage would be over.
But the hours that I spent alone before he did return home were the most awful of my life.
Try to find someone IRL to be with you. And spend your time researching divorce attorneys and packing up his stuff.
I'm so sorry you're going through this shit, but you can do it. Keep posting here and let SI guide you through.
Married 27 years
DD#1 Oct 2009 PA
DD# 2 Sept 2010 EA continued with same OW
R begins again
Update 7/2012 R going well but
I'll never forget the day the music died
Posts: 107 | Registered: Sep 2010
Member # 36857
| Posted: 8:29 PM, June 7th (Friday)|
You're in a little part of hell right now. I'm sorry for your pain.
I'm not sure a $60.00 ATM withdrawal is rock solid evidence of anything, however. Maybe he's playing a poker game. So, personally, I'd leave the hefty bags alone for right now. Instead, I'd suggest realizing just how little trust you have left. Think bigger picture.
Me: BH 56.........Her: WW 43
DD: 6..........DS: 4
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"
Posts: 592 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Georgia, U.S.A.
|Topic Posts: 12|| |