User Topic: He's absolutely heartless!!!!!
Member # 38495
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, June 7th (Friday)

It's been a year since d-day for me. I did an earlier post this morning about when do you ever stop monitoring your wayward spouse.

I put a var in his car yesterday morning on a hunch and while I was listening- discovered a secret meeting between him and the mow!! It's very obvious they're kissing and going at it! They're laughing and joking like teenagers. During their meeting our youngest son calls his father- and she says our son's name. "Oh- it's Michael!" I felt like throwing up!

I texted my wh and told him that he needed to make arrangements to find somewhere to stay. Then I went to the bank and got a cashiers check for my attorney! Oddly- I'm not angry! Apparently- I wasn't the prize afterall and our 32 year marriage meant nothing to him!!

I wasted a year of my life in false r!! I feel absolutely numb inside!!! I guess monsters really do exist!!!

Trust is a fragile thing- once its lost it's gone forever!!

Posts: 248 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: mj052
Must Survive
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, June 7th (Friday)


WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen

Posts: 781 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
Member # 38495
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, June 7th (Friday)

The absolute worst- we made love this morning and he told me that he loved me!! It's all so bittersweet- we've been making love for over 33 years- and this morning was the last time!!!

Are these people soulless or what?

Trust is a fragile thing- once its lost it's gone forever!!

Posts: 248 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: mj052
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, June 7th (Friday)

Oh, mj! Honey? You ARE the prize honey. He's the idiot who can't see that.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25717 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, June 7th (Friday)

Oh my gosh, how gut-wrenching! I'm so sorry. But I'm very proud of you for standing up for yourself and calling the shots now!

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9821 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, June 7th (Friday)

I imagine you are in shock. I am so very sorry, mj052. Don't be too surprised if you break down later as you are probably running on adrenalin right now.

FTG!!!! He is a heartless monster, and you don't deserve this.

Good for you on telling him to find somewhere else to stay and getting the check. Keep your resolve. You can do it. Post here for support and strength you are doing the right thing for you and your child.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 7:26 AM, June 8th (Saturday)]

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9797 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, June 7th (Friday)

I'm so sorry ! Your gut led you to the truth and now you will never have to live a lie with him.

Are these people soulless or what?

I think there are many that have none.

Then I went to the bank and got a cashiers check for my attorney!
Time to protect yourself. Cancel ALL credit cards with your name attached to the acct. Take half of all cash from all accts.Make sure your keep all transaction records so you can have proof if needed. Money disappears fast when the secrets are out. Don't ever think he will have your best interests in mind at all.

Big Hugs and I was informed of my false R in a very horrible way also.

It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20383 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, June 7th (Friday)

I'm so so very sorry.

If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
Member # 31558
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, June 7th (Friday)

You are the prize. He wasn't willing to let you go. He just thought he could have you and everything else he wanted whenever he wanted it.

Now you will prove him wrong and he'll live to regret it.

Too bad they only learn when we are done. You obviously can't keep living thos way. Follow through with throwing him out. Pursue the divorce immediately. You know the drill.

I can only imagine how much this must hurt when you were so hopeful merely hours before.

Me: BW a youthful 49
Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 56
Married 19 years
Two sons, 16 & 17 years old
DD? He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable
evidence of... the $2000 earrings he bought her for x-mas.

Posts: 1536 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, June 7th (Friday)

I'm so sorry, mj.

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8075 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, June 7th (Friday)

Hugs MJ, you didn't deserve this. None of us did.
Your new reality is to take care of yourself. "First"
So sorry for your pain, but proud of the initiative you're taking!

BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 618 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, June 7th (Friday)

I'm so sorry.

Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.

Posts: 6133 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
Getting to Happy
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, June 7th (Friday)

((((mj052)))) I am so sorry.

WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

Posts: 1140 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, June 7th (Friday)

I'm so sorry mj. His soul is as black and dead as his heart.

Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.

Posts: 1168 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 38712
Default  Posted: 4:13 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

I''m sorry too (((mj))).
He will realise one day what he has lost. Hopefully you are well and truly in a better place by then. Without him.

BS 33
WS 31
together 10 years
DD 4/8/2011
EA/PA with co-worker while I was pregnant
Trying to reconcile

"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." Nora Ephron

Posts: 66 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 4:28 AM, June 8th (Saturday)


I'm so sorry for your pain. You are right - absolutely heartless.

Hang in there and get your ducks in a row. You are going to need all the strength you can muster. Lean on us here when you need to.


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 25 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 30
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2606 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 4:38 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

What a total kick in the teeth. I know exactly what you're going through. Just get yourself protected financially for now and treat yourself like china. You've had a horrible shock and no-one should ever be treated like this. Lean on your friends and family IRL and on us... this is the worst but (REALLY) it WILL get better.

Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.

Posts: 873 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 5:14 AM, June 8th (Saturday)


Married 32yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 60yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2754 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 5:41 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

I'm so sorry, mj052.

I left a 20 year M before my 2nd M. Over 30 years, I can't imagine.

Sending you strength. You are doing the right thing.

Your numbness may be semi-shock. It may also be that you have been through enough emotionally and are simply ready to move on. It helped me a great deal to look ahead rather than look back at could-a, would-a, should-a' , remember-when, and if-only.

Look ahead. Exciting chapters of your life are in store for you.

Me-50 BW

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M

Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
Member # 36267
Default  Posted: 5:49 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

Oh god, you are living my worst nightmare.

I will never understand how someone could be so cruel to a person the claim to love. These people are not capable of love, only selfishness. Unreal!

This man watched you fall apart from the pain of the A, watched you have the love and strength to give him another chance, and then he does it again!!! I am shaking with anger for you.

Get those bitch boots on girl. What a grade A asshole. He has really shit the bed this time.....let him lie in it.

Don't come around here no more
-Tom Petty

Posts: 661 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Canada
Member # 23777
Angry  Posted: 6:23 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

I am so sorry mJ052. it hurts. (((((((mJ))))))

The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1400 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
Member # 33062
Default  Posted: 6:30 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Saying that I want to tell you that you did great telling him to gtfo! My EX did this to me and our children as well. It's evil. No other way to put it.
Like the others have said; get the bitch boots out, and lawyer up!
It's going to be a roller coaster, but really, it already has been, and now you have the truth! That he's a broken, selfish, lying pig who does not deserve you!!!
Stay strong! (((MJ)))

Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2011
New Member
Member # 39308
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

I am so sorry mj052. Please take care of yourself.

Posts: 22 | Registered: May 2013 | From: USA
Member # 30877
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, June 8th (Saturday)

So sorry...

D-Day 10/28/10..almost admission 7/10 Reconciled. I was the betrayed

Posts: 1203 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: arizona
Topic Posts: 24